Sunday, December 9, 2012

We have to do what?...

Sometimes out of nowhere something happens and you just have to sit back and go, "Where in the world did that come from?" Well, I know that God is sovereign, so ultimately I know the answer is it did not come from this world but from God.  But there are just times when I just look up and go, "Really?"  Now, I cannot pretend to understand God's timing, plan, or wisdom.  I have no idea what he is doing and the longer I live the more I realize that. 

Wednesday was one of those days.We found out that out of nowhere and without any warning our landlord needs us to vacate our home because his son is in need of it to use as a refuge and recovery from financial troubles.  I get that it is family first.  I understand that it was a blessing and a curse not having an official lease.  I understand that this house prayerfully will be a blessing to this family with all of the repairs and updates that Mark and I have done to it.  And I pray that this home will be a place of healing and rest for this young family who needs it.  But this is the home that my husband has been working on and keeping up for 6+ years free of charge.  The home that we have been painting for months.  The home that we have been posting pictures of and excitedly talking about for months.  The home that we had our first Thanksgiving in.  The home that we already have so many memories together in.  The home that we just moved all of my stuff into a month ago.  The home that I just changed my mailing address to on Monday!  Yeah, that home. Not exactly what we were expecting when we were unpacking all of my personal belongings.

In one year we have managed to cram moving states, changing jobs, getting married, and now apparently we have to start house hunting.  Before we got married Mark and I had discussed the possibility of moving by way of either renting some place new or even buying.  We came to the conclusion that we would stay in this home and save money for seminary and the future and revisit that prospect in a couple of years.  It is interesting when you think you are doing the wise thing and you find out that God wants you to do a different wise thing.  So, we are now trying to answer all those questions we had before we were married only now we have a deadline to make them all and complete that process whatever it may be.  Questions like, do we rent or buy?  If we buy do we get a 2 bedroom or 3 bedroom?  If we buy how long term are we wanting/needing to think?  Do we try to stay in St. Elmo?  Do we try to find a halfway point between church and work?  If we buy what does that mean for seminary in the future?  Do we buy a foreclosure or do we buy a regular sale?  If we rent do we find a house that will let us keep our pit bull?  Do we send her to Indiana to stay with Mark's parents until we can take her back and get an apartment?  There are so many questions.  These are the joys of growing up I suppose. 

God has been so faithful to us even in the time of complete uncertainty.  Because through this he is causing us to lean on him and to grow in our faith.  He is causing us to learn how to be adults doing adult things that neither of us have ever done before (it helps being married to a 30 year old because you are already ahead of the game some. Just FYI, ladies).  It is causing me to seek my husband's guidance and headship over others, even my own.  And I believe it is generally bonding us closer going through this.  Honestly, there is no one I would rather go through this with than Mark Miller.  

So the moral of this story so far is yes, we have done a lot of work on this house.  Mark, far more than I.  Yes, Mark was very attached to this house and I was becoming very attached.  Yes, this is the house that we have already started creating memories in.  Yes, this is the house that we had our first Thanksgiving in and will have our first Christmas in.  Yes, we were excited about painting.  Yes, we were looking forward to several years in this house enjoying the fruits of our labors.  But God just keeps reminding me that the while the work Mark and I have done won't be benefiting us after March, it is not going to be wasted.  It is just not for who we had planned it to be.  But you know what?  It is for who God planned it to be.  And I should consider it an honor to be able to be apart of someone else's answered prayer.

TTFN
Rachel Miller
  

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Confessions of A Chatty Wife!

Gosh, I love typing that word.  Wife.  It holds so much meaning, so many responsibilities, so much joy, a few frustrations, and countless blessings!  As my husband said last night, "It's not always easy but it's always good." It has been a very natural transition.  One of our friends asked us at the wedding if we felt any different.  Mark and I just looked at each other and said "No, it feels like things are finally how they should be."  Living on separate ends of town, in separate homes, living partially separate lives felt more unnatural than marriage.

Behind the Scenes on the Big Day!
So I should start off with telling you that my wedding present from my husband was to get a hotel room for my mother and I to spend the last night of my singleness bonding and catching up since planning the wedding been so all consuming for me the last few months.  I know, AWWWWW, right?  It was really a fun and special time with my mom that I will always remember and I am so thankful to my husband for making that happen.  So the night before the wedding mom and I stayed up late talking and laughing.  

And then...

My day started off VERY early thanks to my very...proactive mother.  You should know, Mama, that I can laugh about it now. At 4:00am, the morning of my wedding, my phone battery began to die and beeped to alert me.  I woke up and turned my phone off so it wouldn't wake Mom.  She was already awake, however, and no sooner had I turned my phone off than I heard her say. "Are you ready to get up?"  At FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING?! Haha. See I am laughing. Haha. She graciously allowed me to sleep 3 more hours and then it was over. "We have stuff we have to do.  We have to go fill up the cars and run over to the cabin and pick stuff up and then we have to get to your hair appointment." Keep in mind my hair appointment was at 10, which was on purpose so that I could sleep in a little before...but that was not meant to be, sigh.  We filled up the cars and got over to the cabin a little before 8.  So we waited around for an hour and a half.  9:30 finally rolled around so we left, stopping at Dunkin Donuts to grab some much needed coffee, on the way. 

And so it begins!
Making progress
End product!
The morning ended up being really fun.  We all sat and talked while my AMAZING hair stylist worked.  After my hair was done we all headed to the venue.  

When we arrived people were already there hard at work!  I was completely blown away by all of my family and friends that came out to help set up!  Everywhere I looked people were busy setting up tables and chairs putting together center pieces, unloading decorations, setting up sound equipment.  It was incredibly humbling and I could never thank all those people who helped enough!  It would not have happened without you!  I am so thankful for God's provision through you.  I have never felt so loved!  After answering a few questions and delegating to my amazingly talented and capable family and friends, I was off to get ready. 

It was really crazy just how incredibly relaxed and chill I was.  I have seen and hear of those brides who are completely crazy on the day of their wedding but not me.  Literally NOTHING could wrile me.  While getting ready I get a text. My photographer is stuck in traffic and will be late.  Not a big deal.  I had already weathered my fiance's car breaking down on the way to work (which has a not so small bill attached to it) and 3 out of my 4 bridesmaids getting stuck in an elevator for 16 whole minutes earlier in the week.  

The infamous elevator...but we are smiling!
I could handle traffic.  A few minutes later I get a phone call.  My fiance and 3 of his groomsmen just got a flat tire on the way to the venue and were stranded on the side of the road.  

Thankfully, Drew was wearing his life preserver.
Calling for back up...
Last minute touchs on the guest book that turned out awesome!
And they all made it safely and Stephen didn't get his shirt diry.

So glad my brother-in-law got pictures of this!  No big deal.  Off my uncle's went to fetch them.  Miraculously, through the whole process of the tire we found some decorations that had been MIA.  See, God provided!  

My amazing and wonderful photographer arrived! Pictures will be coming.  She was snapping pictures left and right.  Then she asked if she could borrow the dress to get some pictures of it outside.  "Sure go ahead!"  We are all still getting all dolled up.  When she returns with the dress I hear my Matron of Honor gasp! "Oh no! Look at the front of the dress!!!" I turn around and burst out laughing.  The entire bust of the dress is COVERED in black dirt!  My photographer has this look of sheer horror on her face and looks like she is about to throw up.  No big deal.  "It is totally fine!  It is just a dress!  I'm sure it will come out!" With a wet rag and a little elbow grease my photographer cleaned it right up.  You would never have known!  See, God provided!

I will stop there for now because I want to make sure that you have pictures to go along with the rest of my day you will have to wait for that.  I also need to go back to doing laundry, go grocery shopping, tidying up, grabbing a few things still left over at my apartment, etc.  

TTFN!
Rachel Miller

Friday, October 19, 2012

Wedding Project #6: T - 14 days!!!!

Oh my word, guys!  I can hardly believe it!  This time last year I was job hunting, praying that I would find something that would keep me in this new town.  And today, I am picking up my wedding dress!  Could you have imagined it?  I certainly couldn't have!  God is incredible! 

So, my last post was not the typical wedding preparation post.  I get that.  Since I wrote that post I have been doing even more praying and I know that y'all have as well.  Thank you!  I began praying very specifically for God to relieve the anxiety, the over analyzing, and the attacks for just a couple of weeks so that I could actually have joy and be excited again.  So that I could revel in the last few days leading up to my wedding and have the anticipation and hope and joy that every bride is supposed to feel!  This is the beginning of a new stage in our lives and this is the beginning of something special and ordained by God.  Everything is done for our good.  Sometimes we can see it and sometimes we can't and this is the time that I should be able to revel in tasting and seeing that the Lord is good.  I want to thank y'all for your prayers!  They have been felt and I am happy to report have been answered!  God has seen fit to allow me the joy that this time warrants and I have been loving these last few days.  I won't lie and say that I don't still have bad days.  But they are fewer and farther between now and the excitement and anticipation is palpable! 

We have started pre-marital counseling and that has been invaluable even just the 2 sessions we have had so far.  It is wonderful having a pastor who is objective that can look at our relationship and encourage the strengths and warn us against pitfalls.  I think that has also been very influential in reminding me just how good this is.

I have pretty much confirmed everything with everybody. I am in the process of making final payments and what not.  Everything is going very smoothly.  It is an odd sensation to know that the wedding is only 2 weeks away.  I keep thinking I am doing everything WAY to early but NOPE! It is about time I got cracking on all the finishing details! 

Please keep the prayers coming!  Pray that everything will go smoothly, that the joy will remain, that everyone will travel safely, and that our marriage would be one that people look at and see Christ.  Also pray for my sanity.  Between church responsibilities, work, wedding, and countless other little things I need as much mental fortitude as I can get.  Much love to all!  I will try to post again before the wedding but I really can't make any promises, haha!

TTFN
The Future Mrs. Miller

Monday, October 1, 2012

EWF seeking GOD: Deliver us from the evil one...

If you haven't noticed, it has been a while since I have posted.  And what I am about to write might seem strange to some of you who read this.  Quite frankly, the reason why I haven't written anything is because I have had absolutely nothing I have wanted to say.  Honestly, I have been hiding from my blog and my readers because I have felt like I couldn't be real with you anymore.  Ever since a few days after our engagement I have had this dark cloud hanging over me.  I didn't know what was wrong with me.  I was getting married!  Shouldn't I be happy?  Shouldn't I be on cloud 9?  Well, before I go any further let me say EMPHATICALLY that this is NOT a broken engagement announcement.  Far from it! 

Last night after my fiance left my apartment I began praying, as I have been for months now.  Father, what is wrong with me? Why am I so negative now? Why am I so insecure? Why am I so spiritually cold? You see since Mark proposed I have been having the hardest time finding joy.  There are moments in the beginning when I was able to basque in God's goodness and blessings as past posts can attest.  But as the wedding date drew closer I began feeling more and more distance between me and, well, everything.  I started reading my Bible more.  It got worse.  I started leading a high school girls Bible study. It got worse.  I started praying more.  It got worse.  I started reading spiritual books on marriage.  It got worse.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.  What could possibly be having this kind of effect on me?  Where was this darkness coming from?  It was clear there was nothing medically wrong.  I had just gotten a clean bill of health from my doctor.  And the fact that these feelings were not constant but really only came at very particular times and instances.  They came when I read my Bible; when I prepared my lesson for the high school girls, when I would listen to Christian music, etc.  So what would cause something like this?  And at such odd timing.  I never had a doubt that this is where God wants me and this is the direction He wants me to go and that this marriage is of Him.  Yet my engagement and my spiritual pursuits seemed to be in direct relation to what I was going through.   Mark and my entire relationship is based on a passionate desire for ministry.  We are great encouragement to each other in those pursuits.  We help each other and offer strengths and personal gifts to each other that are otherwise lacking.  We teach each things about God's character and about how He would have us minister and grow in our relationships with Him.  With all of that going for our relationship who could have a problem with it?  So last night as I was praying it struck me.  I was under attack.  Satan has been trying to sabatogue me since I agreed to marry Mark.  Satan has been picking at insecurities in my Father, in my fiance, in the gifts God has given me.  He knows where to attack because he makes it his personal mission to study those in opposition to him.  He has to if he is going to gain any ground in his futile struggle against my Father.  But that is the glorious thing about his struggle. It is FUTILE!  He has no power against the One who holds my future in His hands.  And Satan knows that! But he still fights ever harder.  He can't attack God directly, he can only try to manipulate His people.  Even then only so far as God allows.  Satan is on a leash!  And he is subject to the sovereignty of God.  This not only gives us hope for our own lives but also for every area of life.  Including the election and world news.  Psalm 37 says,

1 Fret not yourself because of evildoers;
be not envious of wrongdoers!
2 For they will soon fade like the grass
and wither like the green herb.

3 Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.[b]
4 Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!

8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
9 For the evildoers shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

10 In just a little while, the wicked will be no more;
though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.
11 But the meek shall inherit the land
and delight themselves in abundant peace.

12 The wicked plots against the righteous
and gnashes his teeth at him,
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he sees that his day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword and bend their bows
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose way is upright;
15 their sword shall enter their own heart,
and their bows shall be broken.
16 Better is the little that the righteous has
than the abundance of many wicked.
17 For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous.

18 The Lord knows the days of the blameless,
and their heritage will remain forever;
19 they are not put to shame in evil times;
in the days of famine they have abundance.

20 But the wicked will perish;
the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures;
they vanish—like smoke they vanish away.

21 The wicked borrows but does not pay back,
but the righteous is generous and gives;
22 for those blessed by the Lord[c] shall inherit the land,
but those cursed by him shall be cut off.

23 The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when he delights in his way;
24 though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.

25 I have been young, and now am old,
yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
or his children begging for bread.
26 He is ever lending generously,
and his children become a blessing.

27 Turn away from evil and do good;
so shall you dwell forever.
28 For the Lord loves justice;
he will not forsake his saints.
They are preserved forever,
but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.
29 The righteous shall inherit the land
and dwell upon it forever.

30 The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks justice.
31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his steps do not slip.

32 The wicked watches for the righteous
and seeks to put him to death.
33 The Lord will not abandon him to his power
or let him be condemned when he is brought to trial.

34 Wait for the Lord and keep his way,
and he will exalt you to inherit the land;
you will look on when the wicked are cut off.
35 I have seen a wicked, ruthless man,
spreading himself like a green laurel tree.[d]
36 But he passed away,[e] and behold, he was no more;
though I sought him, he could not be found.

37 Mark the blameless and behold the upright,
for there is a future for the man of peace.
38 But transgressors shall be altogether destroyed;
the future of the wicked shall be cut off.

39 The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
he is their stronghold in the time of trouble.
40 The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

How can the Psalmist say these things?  Because death has been overcome!  Because Satan has been defeated!  Christ went to the cross in our place to bring that about!  It is because of His sacrifice.  We are living in the fulfillment of the promise God gives Adam and Eve in the Garden after the fall, that Satan would bruise the heal of the Second Adam but that He would crush his head!  Romans 8 says,

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be[i] against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.[j] 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

So this is by no means a post of surrender.  This is a declaration of war.  Because I can guarantee this is just the beginning.  We are venturing into a veritable mine field in a battle for our marriage for the next 50+ years and we are determined to fight for it because God is for us!  So pray along with us now and throughout our marriage.  Pray for strength because it is not in and of ourselves and our own strength.  And God's strength is sufficient.  So pray for a constant surrendering of our lives to Christ and a dying to self that God may be glorified in this marriage.  And pray especially for me that "Strength and dignity would be [my] clothing" and that I would have joy and be able to "laugh at the time to come" (Proverbs 31:25).
God is at work! The Future Mrs. Miller

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Wedding Project #5: Engagement Photos

Here is a sampling of the engagement photos we had done.  Our photographer, Sara Renee, is absolutely awesome and we are so excited to have found her!  She is so easy to pose for and we had a lot of fun!  I was pretty nervous but she set me at ease very quickly.  Sara Renee, you are the coolest!

He sure is handsome :)

I match the tree :)

My personal favorite :)

Couldn't be happier!

We look like this a lot!

This one was a little challenging but I love how it turned out!

TTFN!
The Future Mrs. Miller

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Wedding Project #4: Thumb twiddling...

So I am afraid to admit it and jinx myself but I have to say I just a little at a loss as to what to do now in regards to my upcoming nuptials.  Those 2 months of unemployment were really the best thing to happen to me in order to allow for me to focus on planning.  If I had known that I would have that much time on my hands for that long I probably would have set the date for sometime in September.  My fiance and I are both kind of kicking ourselves a little bit on that one.  But God knows and I think November will be a lovely month to have a wedding!  

All in all I have really had such a great time planning this whole thing.  The Lord has remained active in this process with me and things have just beautifully fallen into place.  It has been such a blessing and an added assurance that God is behind this.  

So far I have:
venue
caterer
officiant
music
photographer
videographer
invitations are out
RSVPs are coming in
cake
dresses for me, bridesmaids, and flower girls
flowers
rings (as of today)
Programs are in the works and almost ready to send off to the designer (AKA: my awesome future brother-in-law) 

I am pretty much set!  And it is a great feeling.  I am now at the point where we just have to get the marriage license and we are set!  So now I feel like I am in a little bit of a waiting game.  The next thing on my list is to get my dress in and have my first fitting!  That is going to be a pretty sweet day!

So I guess we can go back to painting and getting the house ready while I wait for the dress to get here.  So in between gazing longingly at the pictures I have of my dress I will be picking out paint swatches and rolling away on the walls of my future home :D

TTFN!
The Future Mrs. Miller 
69 days!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Confessions of A Chatty Girl: The Last Year...

It's my birthday again!!! Yep, that's right.  Another year has gone by and it has been a full one.  The craziness started with quiting my job and moving to Chattanooga completely on faith trusting that God would provide everything I would need and it hasn't stopped since. Once I moved here there was a lot of adjustments which I am still getting used to.  I had to realize that Chattanooga was not Lynchburg.  Covenant was not Mercy.  My friends here were not my friends back in Lynchburg.  In the first few months of living here there was definite doubts and homesickness.  I missed my mom and dad.  I missed my church.  I missed my friends.  I missed the familiarity of my surroundings.  I missed knowing a town like the back of my hand.  I missed my comfort zone. I can't lie and say that there aren't times when I get homesick or I miss certain things about my prior life in Virginia but now I don't doubt for a minute that this is definitely where God wants me.

In just the very short 8 months that I have been in Tennessee I have learned a lot about myself and about different sins that I had yet to identify.  Being in a new place with new people and new situations has brought to light a lot of things about myself that I didn't know.  For instense, until I moved here I prided myself on what I called southern charm.  I thought that was a great asset and a wonderful trait until I realized what the second half of the definition was,

           South-ern charm (srn chärm): n
                 The art of making someone feel special, welcomed, loved, and/or appreciated when in their company, even though one secretly dislikes, mocks, or gossips about them when not in their company.

Turns out Southern Charm isn't so charming afterall. The real trait and asset I needed to be cultivating was charm that is born out of genuine Christ-like love for others and is therefore missing that second half in its definition. That is just called the Gospel lived out.  God has brought into my awareness how I was decieving myself in thinking I really loved people when all I really was doing was being fake.  By God's grace He has made me aware of this tendency in my life.  Please be praying with me as I see to be moulded by the Gospel in this very specific area.  

One of the biggest tools that God has used to besides a change of scenary has been my future husband.  It is amazing how being in such a close relationship with someone can highlight so many sins in your life and even just strange oddities about your personality that you didn't know you had.  Until he came along I thought I was selfless and humble.  I thought I was practical and easy-going.  It hasn't been all bad obviously the things he has brought out in me though.  I thought I would have a hard time submitting to anyone's headship other than my father's.  I thought I was afraid of commitment.  I thought I was to independent to ever really be married.  I thought peers were the only people group I could minister to.  

This year has been a learning experience for sure.  My 20th year was far different from my 21st.  My 21st will be far different from my 22nd.  I have had to trust God in ways and at depths I didn't think possible.  I have had triumphs and set backs.  I have had exciting changes and terrifying ones.  I have had times of being scared out of my mind and times of complete peace and security in who God is and what He is capable of.  God continues to prove Himself faithful.  As I have said before the future is unknown its scary and exciting all at once.  One thing is for sure though.  No matter what is ahead in year 22 I know that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  And you can take that to the bank.

So happy birthday to me and heres to another year of discovering how God is going to use me!
TTFN
Rachel

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

EWF seeking GOD: My grace is sufficient for you...

When I sat down to write this blog I wasn't really sure where I wanted to go with it.  The last few days have been a jumble of thoughts and emotions.  The one word that kept springing to my head as I looked back on the events of this last week was grace.  I will spare the details for privacy's sake but suffice it to say that a tragic loss occurred in my fiance's family this week.  It rocked my new family to the core.  When my fiance got the phone call late Tuesday evening, my heart broke and went into a tail spin.  "What am I supposed to do?" "What is my role?" "How can I help?" "How can I comfort?" "How do I make the pain go away?" "How do I wipe the sadness from his eyes?" I felt helpless. I felt at a loss.  I felt weak.  These people that I loved so much were hurting and I could do nothing to stop it.  I instantly began praying, "God what can I do? Show me what to do!" I should have realized I was thinking and praying completely wrong.  The reoccurring word that kept popping up in every avenue was "I" and "me".  What in the world can I possibly do? I can't reverse time. I have never been through anything like this. I don't have insight or wisdom. I can't heal hurts nor can I change hearts. What was I thinking? I was thinking I had to DO something. I was thinking it was up to me.


So, here I sat trying to wrap my head around this crazy week and put into words what has been spinning around in my heart and these verses came to mind.  "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, ESV) I am weak. I am helpless. I am at a loss.  But His grace is sufficient.  His grace steps in where I fail.  His grace moves in and takes over where I can do nothing.  His grace is what changes everything! Not me. Not my strength or my ability or my right words or my well timed hug.  None of that has any power without being bathed in His grace.  As a well loved minister from my past used to say, "Grace has a way of overflowing and splashing out over all those whom you come into contact with."  Instead of praying for the right thing to do or for the right words to say I should have been praying that the healing grace, which is mine through Jesus Christ, would overflow and shower my hurting family and that they would be able to taste the sweetness of Christ in spite of the bitterness of sin, especially to those hurting who might not yet know Him.  


Thankfully, God is not reliant on my cooperation.  Thankfully, God accomplishes His will whether I sanction it or not.  Praise God that He works continually with and through my weakness.  Praise God that His power is perfection. My prayer is that I will be able to say with Paul I am content in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  Because God is my strength and my portion.  Sinclair Ferguson said in a sermon I recently listened to, He supplies me my daily bread. And His mercy and grace are fresh and enough for each day.  I pray that His mercy and grace will be poured out on my new family and that Christ would be made evident to them through this and above that through all of this His name would be praised.  


I am weak but I AM is strong.


Hallelujah!
Rachel 

Monday, July 9, 2012

Wedding Project #3 - In All The Details...

DON'T FORGET THE GROOM!

So yesterday and today I made a conscious decision to limit wedding talk to the first 5 minutes of my time spent with my fiance and boy was it worth it!  I hadn't really noticed that with my head perpetually in wedding mode that I was missing out on some serious bonding time with my man! If you are engaged now or if you become engaged at some point in your life make sure to remember the groom.  As I was reading in Dazzled To Frazzled And Back Again "After all, if it weren't for him, you wouldn't be planning your nuptials."  

Seriously ladies I know we can get caught up in the favors, flowers, caterers and cakes but don't forget who made this all possible!  Spend some much needed vacation time from the hustle and bustle and commit to spend some time talking about anything BUT the wedding.  It just might make you fall in love with him all over again and rekindle the excitement of spending the rest of your life with this amazing man God has blessed you with!

Happy planning!
TTFN!

The Future Mrs. Miller

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

EWF seeking GOD: Unexpected Challenges

Because I have always felt called to be a wife (and a mom) I somehow thought switching from singleness to dating to engagement would have been an easy transition and that I would have fallen into my roll as dutiful and attentive fiancee right away.  Well that is certainly not the case.

As I am sure a lot of you know I am a very independent person.  I am also pretty spontaneous and like to do things on the fly.  This is just fine for a single lady but for a fiancee, not so much.  Several times in the last 5 months, I have been totally caught off guard by my own thoughtlessness towards my fiance.  I forget to include him in my plans and keep him in the loop on my life at times.  This seems like a simple enough thing right? Seems like a total "duh" moment right?  Wrong, at least it wasn't obvious to me, apparently, or I would be better at remembering.  I got an invitation to a cookout one night a couple of months ago now.  I took a moment to consult my calendar and I saw that I was free so I quickly responded to the email in the affirmative.  Later that evening my fiance and I were talking about the email and he said, "So am I going to go to this cookout too?" He said it sweetly but you could tell it had hurt him a little to not be consulted or even considered in my planning.  "Oh, yeah. I mean I guess I forgot I am a "we" now."  My fiance is an infinitely patient man, which is excellent news for me.  There have been a few other times when I have forgotten to keep him in the loop or even consult him on things but he lovingly reminds me that I am not on my own anymore.

Most recently, I was having sort of a spiritual crisis, as I have mentioned in my last post.  After communion on Sunday I was talking to my fiance about it.  This was after I was feeling better and God had brought me back from my analyzing.  I told my fiance that I had been having these issues and how much better I felt and he said, "Why didn't you tell me about this before?" It caught me off guard.  "Satan wants to keep you in your head.  That is where he can do the most damage when you don't have other Christians supporting you, especially me [as your future husband]."  It really got me thinking, you know I never really thought about it but of anyone who should be hearing about my spiritual struggles it should be my future husband.  I mean he is going to be my spiritual head.  My spiritual health and well being is of utmost importance to him and it is kind of his responsibility.  I guess it never really occurred to me because in my household growing up I never really saw my mom go to my dad for spiritual advice and the like.  I know she did.  I just never really witnessed it.  So I guess it never really clicked for me as to what that looked like.  My mom was really the go to person in our family for us kids for all things spiritual and wise.  So it never really dawned on me to talk to my fiance when I started feeling spiritually defeated or when I started having doubts or started over analyzing my faith.  Honestly, I can't think of a more qualified person to help me.  He is incredibly knowledgeable.  He has been well trained in Scripture.  He is humble.  He has a hundred strengths that counter balance my weaknesses.  He is loving and patient and he has an amazing gift for calming me, drawing me back to reality, and showing me the truth of the Gospel and pointing me back to Christ.  I am more blessed than I can say with the husband that God seen fit to send me.  Further more, in coming to him, not only am I gaining strength for myself but I am also giving my husband honor and respect by showing him that I value his thoughts and his advice.  I am giving him the consideration he deserves and that he is entitled to as my spiritual head.  So really it is a win win situation when I get my head on straight.

This will definitely take some getting used to for sure.  It will take practice on my part and patience on his.  But one of the most wonderful things about being in a relationship like this is the freedom to work on these things together.  Figuring out a relationship at this level is hard work.  It can be incredibly frustrating at times and exhausting too but it is the most beautiful and most rewarding work I have ever had the pleasure of doing.  I am absolutely loving figuring out how to be the kind of fiancee my man needs and how I can be the best wife for him after November 2nd.

God is so good and I am incredibly blessed!
TTFN
Rachel

Monday, July 2, 2012

E(ngaged)WF seeking GOD: In Remembrance of Me

For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”  In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.”  For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. 
~ 1 Corinthians 11:23-26


There has been a kind of fog hanging over me spiritually though.  That has been the case for a few weeks now actually.  That is probably a lot of the reason why I have been so scant in my postings.  It seems I always have some excuse for not posting haha.  Well, this spiritual fog I have been in has been affecting really everything, from wedding planning, to Bible study, to time spent with my fiance. You name it, this cloud has been following me every where and raining on every area of my life it seems.  

Something you might not know about me is that I am a pretty heavy thinker.  I analyze everything!  I analyze people, situations, objects, conversations, specific words, facial expressions, body language, tones of voice, scenarios, etc.  For someone who seems very light hearted and carefree, I spend a lot of time in my head, to much time probably.  Well, even if you didn't know that about me Satan sure does.  He also knows that is my weakest spot.  That is a the biggest chink in my armor.  I analyze everything.  It can be good and it can also be very dangerous because with that analysis comes questions and with questions comes doubts.  I doubt everything.  I doubt people, situations, objects, people's sincerity, people's love, tones of voices, specific words.  Most frightening of all I doubt God.  I doubt His love. I doubt His provision.  I doubt His very existence!  Yeah, I know I just admitted it.  In my darkest moments, I question how could this all be real.  How could He be real?  In his book The Reason for God, Tim Keller writes, "A faith without some doubts is like a human body without antibodies in it.  People who blithely go through life to busy or indifferent to ask hard questions about why they believe as they do will find themselves defenseless against either the experience of tragedy or the probing of questions of a smart skeptic. A person's faith can collapse almost overnight if she has failed over the years to listen patiently to her own doubts, which should only be discarded after long reflection." Being the type of person that I am I think I will always have seasons of doubt.  I will always have to revisit Scripture, godly counsel, and prayer during these seasons, just as I must do these things during seasons of strong faith and assurance.  I admit that I don't have all the answers.  There are tough questions out there and I am thankful for books like The Reason for God that can help remind me of the truths in Scripture and can speak to this analytical brain and answer a lot of those questions.  Satan has the strength to speak a lot of doubt into my head but God has more power to speak assurance to my soul.  

Today was a crazy morning.  In rushing around trying to grab everything to check out of my hotel room in St. Louis, I left my phone in my room.  I didn't remember it until about 20 minutes later.  One thing after another and the clock was ticking away and we became later and later in leaving for church. I began questioning whether there was even any point in going to church.  But through the frustration my foggy heart cried out for church. I knew I needed to go.  I needed church this morning.  A part of me ached for it.  I go to church every Sunday but this morning especially I was feeling the need for it acutely.  After house keeping tracked down my phone and after getting lost on the way to church we arrive at church, frustrated, annoyed, tired and 30 minutes late but we were there.  Today was communion.  Today the Gospel was fed to my soul.  It was beautiful.  Every time I take communion I feel refreshed, revitalized, and restored.  I needed that this morning!  Whoever says there is not power in communion is dead wrong because communion will heal your sin sick soul, believer.  I began meditating on the verses above in 1 Corinthians.  The words "in remembrance of Me" struck me.  Communion is a time to remember, to meditate, to think.  Of all the things I can over think I can never over think the Gospel.  I can never focus to much on my Lord.  I will think on Him.  He can handle my doubts.  He can handle my questions.  He can feed my soul in abundance.   

My prayer tonight is, "Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief."

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Wedding Belle Project #2

I keep reminding myself that I have 5 months to get everything done but now that I have a lot of my big ticket items the little things are beginning to pile up.  I feel like I am really on top of things for the most part but the count down on my wedding website is ever glaring at me!  It is all the little things that are collecting but I am having fun thinking about the little things and hopefully finding them will be just as easy as all the big things.

TASKS COMPLETED:
Ceremony/Reception
Photographer
Florist
Music
Wedding Dress
Bridesmaid dresses
Videographer
Officiant
Pre-marital counseling

THINGS I HAVE FIGURED OUT BUT NOT YET TECHNICALLY COMPLETED:
Catering
Reception Emcee
Favors
Invitations
Sound system
Decorations
Hair stylist
Registry
Rehearsal

Now you might think well what else is there left to do.  Something I think the same thing and then I open my Knot account and see over 116 things waiting for me...  We are making progress though!  And it is exciting and fun!  The next big things to finalize is catering and invitations.

I have a book that I read a long time ago that I am going to start reading again...because that is really how I feeling right about now!  But I am having fun I promise!


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Confessions of a Chatty Girl: Things don't always go according to plan

Oh, who am I kidding things never go according plan!  For better or for the perceivable worse, God never does what you expect Him to do.  That has been made obvious in my life time and time again.

If you have been reading my blog for a while you know that my story has taken a lot of unexpected turns.  Just in the past two years of having this blog you have seen the ups and downs of my life not going according to my plans.  From getting turned down for the RUF internship to breakups to awesome jobs to now planning a wedding. 

Two weeks ago I got the awesome news that my fiance got a promotion at his job!  I am a very proud fiancee and no mistake!  The same day just two hours later my boss comes into my office and breaks the news that he has been fired from his position as in house architect for the big Texas firm we both worked for and as we were a package deal, he could no longer afford to keep me and I would be jobless by the end of the week.  I felt like I had just been sucker punched in the stomach.  This job was the craziest, best paying, most stressful, most interesting, most intense job I had ever had.  And in a matter of seconds it was gone.  I have rent to pay, I have things to do, most importantly I have a wedding to pay for! 

Enter my incredible future husband . . . I always knew that I was going to need someone who could be calm when I am freaking out, someone to remind me that God is still in control and He will take care of us.  I think that I am marrying one of the most calm men I could possibly find.  In the midst of my gasps and tears he soothed me and reminded me that for starters God knows everything that happened and He is not going to dessert me in this and secondly that I was not alone having to figure this all out.  "Between God and me, we will take care of you."  

I am so blessed.  Even though life doesn't go according to my plan, even though what seems perfect doesn't work out in the end, even though I get blind sided by new developments that God brings into my life.  God knows what is going on.  God isn't going to drop me off in the middle of no where with no direction.  He has gotten me this far.  All I have to do is go back and reread the post from the past 2 years to see that!  So while I have moments of freaking out and questioning what He was thinking I know from experience that He is using this.  No matter what it is He is using it.  

Please be praying for me though these ups and downs.  As I job hunt; as I plan this wedding; as I learn to adapt to God's plans and as I learn to let go of my own will.  I don't know what is in store for me in the future and if I am being honest that scares the living daylights out of me some days.  So be praying for me that I will trust in Him and not be anxious for anything and that I would cast my cares on the Father.  

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:6-7

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Phil. 4:4-7

Monday, May 28, 2012

The Wedding Belle Project #1

It is hard to believe that I will be Mrs. Miller in just a short 159 days!  When I moved here back in October the thought had crossed my mind that odds were good that I would meet someone.  Being an optimist/planner/closet romantic I couldn't help but wonder if that was one of the reasons God was sending me here.  I never would have thought that just after 2 very short months I would meet my future husband or that he would be so obviously suited to me.  From the passion for ministry and people to the quirky sense of humor that keeps me laughing and on my toes.  On one hand I can say that had I known in advance that he was the man I was going to marry I wouldn't have been surprised.  And on the other hand I can also say that I could have never expected to marry someone that was so right for me.  He challenges me with his passion for God and for ministry. He humbles me with his ability to love unconditionally.  He encourages me with his strong faith in the sovereignty of God. The further I go in this planning process the more I thank God for His wisdom in bringing this man into my life.  

As far as all the planning is going I am very happy to announce that we have a venue!  The Barn at Highpoint Farms!  Check it out!  Here are some pictures that my Matron of Honor took on Thursday when we went to go see it!  

View of the dance floor
The lounge

I had a swing like this growing up

So true.

View going out to the yard

We both love dogs and they love us!

The grove and pasture (there are goats you can feed)
We are both so excited for this place and this wedding!  It will be so much fun!
TTFN
The future Mrs. Miller
T - 159

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Promised Pictures

Right after being asked

The ring! Bam!

Calling everyone

Telling your mama the good news can be very emotional

Couldn't stop looking at it!

Reenactment of the deed

Love that face of his!

More shots of the bling

I love how he looks at me!