Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Confessions Of A Chatty Girl: Stuck Outside The Garden

I can't tell you how many times I have sat down to write a new blog post.  I get about a paragraph in and lose it.  There are a lot of reasons why it has been a while since I have posted but in the last week and a half or so I have just been feeling a little lost when it comes to posting.  There are several things I could write about but right now I feel like I just need to be really honest and share with you guys some struggles I am having.

Mary Lennox - "The Secret Garden"
So as I have mentioned before I recently became a member of Covenant PCA here in Chattanooga.  As I have also mentioned I have been asked to be on the leadership team for CYAM (College and Young Adult Ministry).  I am very thankful for these opportunities and for God's provision in these things but I have to be honest with you guys, I really feel...well...lost.  I have no idea if it is me or if it is the people here or what but ministry looks very different here than what it looked like back in Lynchburg.  Maybe I am romanticizing the memories I have of my time in RUF but when I think about how vastly different the community was and just how different the caliber of relationships were it honestly makes me want to cry out of home sickness.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love most of the things about Chattanooga and I have found a couple of incredible people (yes, one particularly incredible person, which you will be hearing more about later) but overall I am really finding community and relationships very hard with many of the people here.  I remember being in Summer RUF sitting around the table on the deck at Marc and Amy's house and hearing Amy say that she had a hard time fitting in with a lot of people because very few are as open and real about life.  I remember being confused by that statement at the time but now I totally understand.  I feel like if I try to open up and be that real and honest person that I am, I get looks like I have three heads or I get a fake nod of support and a few cliche words of Christian-ese and then awkwardness ensues.  I can feel the walls coming up around my heart again and I feel myself hiding away from the fear of rejection and disapproval.  I left Virginia excited about the new life awaiting me and excited about what God has in store for me and he has brought along more blessings than I can count but I feel completely lost right now.  I have a gift and passion for ministry and I have a passion to be in relationship with people and to serve them and be there for them.  But right now I feel like Mary Lennox, hunting for the door to the secret garden.  I know there is a garden on the other side of the wall.  I have been inside it before.  I have tasted its fruit and I have smelled the sweet aroma of its flora.  But I am still outside digging through the vines that cling to the wall searching for that little door that will at least admit me entrance.  I know this is what I am supposed to be doing and what my life is supposed to be focused on because the longer I go without it and the longer I spend in vain searching for that door the less whole I feel and the more disconnected I feel I become.  Last week my associate pastor was talking about the disconnect between "real life" and eternity.  He was saying how sometimes eternity breaks into real life and brings with it the magic of the gospel and the beauty of the cross. I know this is a season of life.  I just finished ready Ecclesiastes.  I know nothing is new under the sun but it still doesn't keep my heart from aching for that eternity, for that magic.  Within that garden are beautiful flowers, within that garden are painful thorns.  Within that garden there is work to be done.  Within that garden is joy. 


Basically what I am saying is I am really hurting, frustrated, disconnected and lost right now and I need your prayers.  I need God to remind me of His plan and to trust in it.  I need to remember to be thankful for all that He has given me and be patient as I wait and watch for His guidance.  Christ is the key to the door I seek but without God's direction I will be digging through the vines forever.  So please be praying with and for me.  Be praying for opportunities to show themselves and that God would use me to further His kingdom here.  

God is at work.
TTFN~
Rachel

Friday, April 13, 2012

The Bookworm Project #4: The ESV Study Bible

The ESV Study Bible

It has happened.  As some would say, I have seen the light.  As some others would say, I have been bitten by the bug.  As still others might say, I have drank the Cool-Aid.  One night, at our college and young adults book study of Knowing God by J. I. Packer, I had raised a "devil's advocate" question.  Yes, I am that person.  I like to ask those questions to understand better and be able to have a response for when the tough questions are asked of me.  After spurring some very interesting discussion our company adjourned and my boyfriend and I went back to his house to hang out.  He and I continued discussing my question on the drive home and on arriving he quickly retrieved from his room his ESV Study Bible.  Having been in RUF for several years I had certainly heard of the ESVSB.  I had heard people sing its praises and tout its wonders but I had never really thought much of it.  I already have a Reformation Study Bible that R.C. Sproul's ministry had produced some 15 years back (Whoa! Suddenly feeling old...) and I figured that one study Bible was like the rest.  Well boy was I dead wrong.  As Mark and I began flipping through the pages researching my question I was more and more drawn in to just how many references we were coming up with.  Verses were being connected from all over the Bible.  The commentary was fascinating.  There were detailed maps.  There were extensive notes.  It was love.  I had to have this Bible.  


A few weeks later I promptly went out and bought my own personal copy.  I absolutely love it!  Now, normally I don't write a book review for a book I haven't read all the way through yet.  But since this is a Bible and that could take a year at least for that to happen I figured I would review it anyway and let you know that if you do not have one of these in your library you should invest in one.  It is a wonderful, easy to understand, resource to deepen your knowledge and love for the Scriptures.  

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

SWF seeking GOD: The Gospel in Ephesians

So I have been listening to a sermon series by Clay Werner, a friend of my boyfriend.  Clay is the senior pastor of Lexington Presbyterian Church in Lexington, SC.  He was also an associate pastor here in Chattanooga at Lookout Mountain Presbyterian Church for several years.  He has been doing a series at LPC in SC on Ephesians and I have been listening.  I just wanted to share these sermons with you because they are something that everyone needs to hear.  

There will be new personal posts coming.  I am terribly sorry I have been so lax.  There have been a lot of crazy things at work and many other exciting and distracting things going on in my life lately.  Note the word "boyfriend" in the first paragraph, so don't you worry I will be filling you in as soon as I get some time to organize my thoughts for a moment.  

Grace And Peace To You - Clay Werner, Lexington PC 
(Jan. 1, 2012)

To The Praise Of His Glorious Grace - Eph. 1:3-10 - Clay Werner, Lexington PC 
(Jan. 8, 2012)

(Jan. 15, 2012)

Eyes Wide Open - Eph. 1:15-23 - Clay Werner, Lexington PC 
(Jan. 22, 2012)

The Bad News - Eph. 2:1-3 - Clay Werner, Lexington PC 
(Jan. 29, 2012)

But God - Eph. 2:4-10 - John Crosby, Lexington PC 
(Feb. 5, 2012)

God's Blueprint For His People - Eph. 2:17-22 - Clay Werner, Lexington PC
(Feb.19, 2012)

The Unsearchable Riches Of Christ - Eph 3:1-13 - Clay Werner, Lexington PC 
(Feb. 26, 2012)

(Mar. 4, 2012)

Gospel Transitions - Eph. 4:1 - Clay Werner, Lexington PC 
(Mar. 11, 2012)

(Mar. 18, 2012)

Grace Equips Us To Serve Others - Eph. 4:7-16 - Clay Werner, Lexington PC 
(Mar. 25, 2012)

Hope y'all enjoy these as much as I did!
TTFN
REE~