Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Lesson #5: Loving In Spite

Yesterday I found myself jotting down a list of the things I love about my husband.  This is a little exercise I like putting myself through to keep my favorite qualities about him at the front of my mind.  The usual suspects were on the list: kind, funny, thoughtful, patient, etc. As the list grew attributes about my husband kept popping up that I would think about but they didn't make the list. When those arose I rather magnanimously thought to myself, Well, I love him anyway.  After I had collected a dozen or so things I went back to my day feeling pretty contented.  As my day progressed, however, I couldn't stop thinking about that one little thought "Well, I love him anyway." It is a very common idiom to love someone in spite of their flaws, or to love someone in spite of those things that don't really make you happy.  After all as 1 Peter 4:8 says, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  I began thinking again to those qualities that didn't make the cut for my list and do you know that only one or two of those things could have even remotely been classified as sinful?  I began wondering to what extent my love actually covered. 

I have always fancied the idea of doing things in spite of something. That just struck me as a little defiant and wild and I love it. Can you tell I have a rebellious streak? I was well aware, having grown up in church that love does not keep any record of wrongs, that it bears all things (1 Cor. 13:4-8) and that it has the power cover sin (John 3:16, 1 Peter 4:8). But thinking about these verses that talk about loving in spite are talking about sins. That is talking about forgiveness.  There is a difference in sin and flaws.  Sin is just that.  Actual, real, holy law breaking sins.  Flaws, as I am using the word for the purpose of this post, are perceived offenses to a persons sense of approved characteristics.  Love does not cover annoyances, personality differences, idiosyncrasies, and the like.  So then what do you do with it?  As I meditated on these verses I started to realize that my love covered the easy stuff. My love covers the nice things; the things that fit into my idea of good; the things that make me feel warm and fuzzy; the things that conform to the rules of MY kingdom.  What kind of a love is that? Was I really so arrogant to think that I was somehow doing my husband a favor by looking past those faults and foibles?  You see the thing about loving someone in spite of themselves, it automatically puts the lover in a position of great power and when grace and humility combine to use that power for forgiveness you have a taste of glory.  Loving someone in spite of their sin is beautiful.  It is grace. It is mercy. It is holy. It is necessary. But the real question is not, "Do I love my husband in spite of himself" but, "Do I love my husband in spite of myself?"  It is harder to love someone in spite of myself. In spite of my selfishness, my pride, my inpatients, my temper, my sin here is a man whom God has given me to show Christ to.  In order to love him, really love him I have to let go.  I have to admit I don't have goodness figured out.  I have to admit that my idea of perfection is not a perfect one.  I have to confess that I want to fool myself into thinking I am better than I am.  To love my husband I have to be willing to lay down my kingdom, my life for the glory of God.  

Love is a choice.  It is not an easy choice because it costs. 

"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

On my own I can't pay that.  Relying on my own strength and desire for self improvement I can't and won't pay the price for holiness.  I can pay the cost only because Someone else paid it first.  Only because of Another am I even able to hope that I will succeed at this even sometimes.  Real love costs.  Christ was willing to pay the ultimate price, His very life, for a people who were his enemies because He REALLY loves us.  God came and humbled Himself and became man to show just how great His love was for me and for you. Because of this truth we have hope.  I have hope.  That God, who began a good work in you will continue it unto completion.  So by the very power of Christ Himself through the gift of the Holy Spirit, I can say with confidence that in spite of myself I will seek to really love my husband as my God so loves me.

God is at work! Hallelujah!
REM

The Adventure Continues

The last post I wrote was a very hard post to write for me.  As many of you know the very reason I started this blog was to invite you into a journey towards fulltime ministry.  When I began this blog I was hopeful and expectant of what I thought the journey would look like.  There were doubts and some trepidation of course as I welcomed you into my insecurity but I felt a call and I some how thought that automatically guaranteed my plans. I had visions of meeting with college girls and being as well loved as my own RUF intern had been. I imagined hard struggles but mostly good memories of diving head first into college ministry, changing the world one freshman at a time.  I could picture meeting another like minded college ministry focused guy, falling madly in love, and then embarking on the great adventure that is RUF Campus Ministry life. With each blog post I wrote the more my imagination ran and the more deeply in love I fell with my wonderful plan for my life. I just knew that God couldn't deny such a good and heart felt desire that I felt so clearly called to. And then He did. The rug seemingly got ripped out from under me and suddenly I was having to write that shame filled post informing everyone that I had failed. That I had got it wrong. That I had been rejected. That the door to what I wanted my life to be had been slammed in my face. The hurt was so real I could taste it and it was bitter. It has taken a long time to heal.  In fact, the broken bits still cause me discomfort at times, which, is why inviting you into that vulnerability again was even more difficult this time.  But I knew I needed to write it.  I had to share. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable again because I need prayer. I need accountability. I need to swallow my pride.  There were still wounds from the past and this time it didn't involve just me. I didn't want my husband to have to go through the hurt that my heart had suffered. I did not think I could take it if another door closed yet again for both of us.  I couldn't bare to see that look in my love's eyes.  When I wrote my last post I didn't want to hope. I didn't want to dream. I wanted to state the facts. I wanted to ask for prayer because I knew whatever my next post would be it would be a difficult one because either way there were rough times ahead and only the grace of God and much prayer would get us through.

I was working late one Friday night a few weeks ago. I was tired and very ready to go home. That was when I received a phone call from my husband.  "I did it!" Those were the 3 words I didn't dare to hope for.  Those 3 little words that have changed everything and instantly brought tears of joy and relief. The letter that began with "I am please to inform you . . . " My husband was resoundingly accepted into seminary! He begins in the Fall.

My prayers are as follows:
1. That I will be the supportive and encouraging wife my husband needs.
2. Perseverance and strength through Christ.
3. Growth in grace as our Father molds us into His image.

Thanks be to God!!!!!
REM