Monday, July 9, 2012

Wedding Project #3 - In All The Details...

DON'T FORGET THE GROOM!

So yesterday and today I made a conscious decision to limit wedding talk to the first 5 minutes of my time spent with my fiance and boy was it worth it!  I hadn't really noticed that with my head perpetually in wedding mode that I was missing out on some serious bonding time with my man! If you are engaged now or if you become engaged at some point in your life make sure to remember the groom.  As I was reading in Dazzled To Frazzled And Back Again "After all, if it weren't for him, you wouldn't be planning your nuptials."  

Seriously ladies I know we can get caught up in the favors, flowers, caterers and cakes but don't forget who made this all possible!  Spend some much needed vacation time from the hustle and bustle and commit to spend some time talking about anything BUT the wedding.  It just might make you fall in love with him all over again and rekindle the excitement of spending the rest of your life with this amazing man God has blessed you with!

Happy planning!
TTFN!

The Future Mrs. Miller

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

EWF seeking GOD: Unexpected Challenges

Because I have always felt called to be a wife (and a mom) I somehow thought switching from singleness to dating to engagement would have been an easy transition and that I would have fallen into my roll as dutiful and attentive fiancee right away.  Well that is certainly not the case.

As I am sure a lot of you know I am a very independent person.  I am also pretty spontaneous and like to do things on the fly.  This is just fine for a single lady but for a fiancee, not so much.  Several times in the last 5 months, I have been totally caught off guard by my own thoughtlessness towards my fiance.  I forget to include him in my plans and keep him in the loop on my life at times.  This seems like a simple enough thing right? Seems like a total "duh" moment right?  Wrong, at least it wasn't obvious to me, apparently, or I would be better at remembering.  I got an invitation to a cookout one night a couple of months ago now.  I took a moment to consult my calendar and I saw that I was free so I quickly responded to the email in the affirmative.  Later that evening my fiance and I were talking about the email and he said, "So am I going to go to this cookout too?" He said it sweetly but you could tell it had hurt him a little to not be consulted or even considered in my planning.  "Oh, yeah. I mean I guess I forgot I am a "we" now."  My fiance is an infinitely patient man, which is excellent news for me.  There have been a few other times when I have forgotten to keep him in the loop or even consult him on things but he lovingly reminds me that I am not on my own anymore.

Most recently, I was having sort of a spiritual crisis, as I have mentioned in my last post.  After communion on Sunday I was talking to my fiance about it.  This was after I was feeling better and God had brought me back from my analyzing.  I told my fiance that I had been having these issues and how much better I felt and he said, "Why didn't you tell me about this before?" It caught me off guard.  "Satan wants to keep you in your head.  That is where he can do the most damage when you don't have other Christians supporting you, especially me [as your future husband]."  It really got me thinking, you know I never really thought about it but of anyone who should be hearing about my spiritual struggles it should be my future husband.  I mean he is going to be my spiritual head.  My spiritual health and well being is of utmost importance to him and it is kind of his responsibility.  I guess it never really occurred to me because in my household growing up I never really saw my mom go to my dad for spiritual advice and the like.  I know she did.  I just never really witnessed it.  So I guess it never really clicked for me as to what that looked like.  My mom was really the go to person in our family for us kids for all things spiritual and wise.  So it never really dawned on me to talk to my fiance when I started feeling spiritually defeated or when I started having doubts or started over analyzing my faith.  Honestly, I can't think of a more qualified person to help me.  He is incredibly knowledgeable.  He has been well trained in Scripture.  He is humble.  He has a hundred strengths that counter balance my weaknesses.  He is loving and patient and he has an amazing gift for calming me, drawing me back to reality, and showing me the truth of the Gospel and pointing me back to Christ.  I am more blessed than I can say with the husband that God seen fit to send me.  Further more, in coming to him, not only am I gaining strength for myself but I am also giving my husband honor and respect by showing him that I value his thoughts and his advice.  I am giving him the consideration he deserves and that he is entitled to as my spiritual head.  So really it is a win win situation when I get my head on straight.

This will definitely take some getting used to for sure.  It will take practice on my part and patience on his.  But one of the most wonderful things about being in a relationship like this is the freedom to work on these things together.  Figuring out a relationship at this level is hard work.  It can be incredibly frustrating at times and exhausting too but it is the most beautiful and most rewarding work I have ever had the pleasure of doing.  I am absolutely loving figuring out how to be the kind of fiancee my man needs and how I can be the best wife for him after November 2nd.

God is so good and I am incredibly blessed!
TTFN
Rachel

Monday, July 2, 2012

E(ngaged)WF seeking GOD: In Remembrance of Me

For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”  In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.”  For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. 
~ 1 Corinthians 11:23-26


There has been a kind of fog hanging over me spiritually though.  That has been the case for a few weeks now actually.  That is probably a lot of the reason why I have been so scant in my postings.  It seems I always have some excuse for not posting haha.  Well, this spiritual fog I have been in has been affecting really everything, from wedding planning, to Bible study, to time spent with my fiance. You name it, this cloud has been following me every where and raining on every area of my life it seems.  

Something you might not know about me is that I am a pretty heavy thinker.  I analyze everything!  I analyze people, situations, objects, conversations, specific words, facial expressions, body language, tones of voice, scenarios, etc.  For someone who seems very light hearted and carefree, I spend a lot of time in my head, to much time probably.  Well, even if you didn't know that about me Satan sure does.  He also knows that is my weakest spot.  That is a the biggest chink in my armor.  I analyze everything.  It can be good and it can also be very dangerous because with that analysis comes questions and with questions comes doubts.  I doubt everything.  I doubt people, situations, objects, people's sincerity, people's love, tones of voices, specific words.  Most frightening of all I doubt God.  I doubt His love. I doubt His provision.  I doubt His very existence!  Yeah, I know I just admitted it.  In my darkest moments, I question how could this all be real.  How could He be real?  In his book The Reason for God, Tim Keller writes, "A faith without some doubts is like a human body without antibodies in it.  People who blithely go through life to busy or indifferent to ask hard questions about why they believe as they do will find themselves defenseless against either the experience of tragedy or the probing of questions of a smart skeptic. A person's faith can collapse almost overnight if she has failed over the years to listen patiently to her own doubts, which should only be discarded after long reflection." Being the type of person that I am I think I will always have seasons of doubt.  I will always have to revisit Scripture, godly counsel, and prayer during these seasons, just as I must do these things during seasons of strong faith and assurance.  I admit that I don't have all the answers.  There are tough questions out there and I am thankful for books like The Reason for God that can help remind me of the truths in Scripture and can speak to this analytical brain and answer a lot of those questions.  Satan has the strength to speak a lot of doubt into my head but God has more power to speak assurance to my soul.  

Today was a crazy morning.  In rushing around trying to grab everything to check out of my hotel room in St. Louis, I left my phone in my room.  I didn't remember it until about 20 minutes later.  One thing after another and the clock was ticking away and we became later and later in leaving for church. I began questioning whether there was even any point in going to church.  But through the frustration my foggy heart cried out for church. I knew I needed to go.  I needed church this morning.  A part of me ached for it.  I go to church every Sunday but this morning especially I was feeling the need for it acutely.  After house keeping tracked down my phone and after getting lost on the way to church we arrive at church, frustrated, annoyed, tired and 30 minutes late but we were there.  Today was communion.  Today the Gospel was fed to my soul.  It was beautiful.  Every time I take communion I feel refreshed, revitalized, and restored.  I needed that this morning!  Whoever says there is not power in communion is dead wrong because communion will heal your sin sick soul, believer.  I began meditating on the verses above in 1 Corinthians.  The words "in remembrance of Me" struck me.  Communion is a time to remember, to meditate, to think.  Of all the things I can over think I can never over think the Gospel.  I can never focus to much on my Lord.  I will think on Him.  He can handle my doubts.  He can handle my questions.  He can feed my soul in abundance.   

My prayer tonight is, "Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief."