Monday, August 30, 2010

Just a Little Liturgy

Liturgy is fundamentally the order of worship. Something that my church, Mercy Presbyterian and many other churches, do is a two part tradition of Confession with an Assurance of Pardon as a part of our liturgy. The first part is usually a time of personal confession including and followed by a cooperate prayer of confession lead by an elder. After this the elder or pastor reads to us a passage from Scripture as our Assurance of Pardon. So there is a little background for those of you who might not be familiar with something like this. That being said here is a bit of personal and possible coorperate liturgy :)

Lately God has been showing me very clearly how incredibly arrogant I am. I assume that I know best. I think I have everyone figured out. I think I have myself figured out. Just thinking about it I am flooded with two thoughts. One of disgust and one of laughter at my own ridiculousness. Nothing puts me in my place faster then Job 38:1-42:6. The passage is really long but it only proves how much God does that we have no comprehension and no awareness of. We don't know the first thing about how to run a universe. For crying out loud we can't even figure out our own lives! My favorite verse of this passage is 38:2-3:

"Who is this that darkens My counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you will answer Me."

And that is just the beginning. How could we even think that we have any right to question God's will? Where do we get off trying to tell God how its done? I have to confess I like planning my future. As I said in my last post I like everything wrapped up in nice paper with a big bow. I like to know what to expect with my life. Well news flash to Rachel! Fat chance!

"He looks down on all that are haughty; He is King over all that are proud." (Job 41:34)

You would think that I would get it by now that planning doesn't work. But no. I still lay in bed at night as I am falling asleep imagining what will happen in a few months or years time. And I am always surprised when they don't go my way! HA! Now you see why laughter is one of my reactions. I am utterly ridiculous. My only prayer after this passage is that my response to God's direct rebukes would be the words of Job in 42:1-6:

"Then Job replied to the Lord: I know that You can do all things; no plan of Yours can be thwarted. You asked 'Who is this that obscures My counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things to wonderful for me to know. You said 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you and you will answer Me.' My ears have heard You but now my eyes have seen You. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

God's assurance of pardon:

"But seek His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well." (Luke 12:31)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

God is Sovereign

So it has been far to long since I have updated this. So many distractions have happened between the last post and now. Some were good; some were painful; a lot were both. There are two final chapters in the Gospel in Life that I would like to talk about in a different post. For now I feel like I should really address something that has been on my mind and heart for weeks now.

God is sovereign. Now when looking at that simple sentence that doesn't seem very controversial but it takes on a whole new meaning when you really begin to unpack that. The hallmark answer is God is in control of everything and has a plan for everything. He works in mysterious ways and His timing is not our own. Well that's safe enough. I'm ok with that. But when I am faced with it head on God's sovereignty takes a turn from the sunshine and rainbows to the nitty gritty and I am not as ok. I don't understand why He does things the way He does. I don't know why things that in theory seem to be something amazing and God honoring end up not working out. It doesn't make sense and I honestly don't like it. I want all the puzzle pieces to fit! I want everything to make sense and be tied up in a neat little package with nice wrapping paper and a big bow. I want everyone to be on the same page. I want to have the perfect explanation that can't be argued or disagreed with (and not just for my sake). I don't want to be tormented by a decision that I feel the Lord is leading me to make. I don't want to lose sleep over my choices. I don't want to hurt others with decision they can't understand. In those times and during those moments some how "God is sovereign" just doesn't seem to cut it. Why? Because I have a distorted view of who God is and what His sovereignty means. I have a distorted idea of the Gospel. If I understood correctly what it means for God to be sovereign, beyond the hallmark answer, I wouldn't be mad that things aren't going my way and that God continues to throw a wrench into my perfect plans. I wouldn't be trying to tell Him how to do His job. His sovereignty means that all the puzzle pieces don't have to fit and my life can be wrapped in a slopping plastic bag tied in a knot because in all of this, there HAS to be faith. In all of that messiness is a desperate need for faith and trust just in order to get through. If God made all of our wildest dreams come true we would never NEED Him. We would never call on Him. He would be just a big Santa Claus in the sky. Now please don't think that I am saying it is wrong to not understand. Please don't come away from this post thinking that you have to slap a pretty smile on your face and keep saying "God is at work" like a mantra. Did Jesus do that in the garden of Gethsemane? Obviously not.

God takes us through these times so we know Who to run to. He drags us, often times, kicking and screaming because He sees the big picture. God gives us the reigns for a few moments so we can see just how badly we screw it up without Him. All of this is to show our need of Him. Our lives are constant reminders of the Gospel and how much more we have to learn of it.

God I still don't understand. I still wish that I could learn my lessons the easy way. I still wish that I could make sense of all of this and that people didn't get hurt from my learning process. "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as You will." Lord make that my prayer as I figure life out and seek to follow Your will in all things. I need You.

"I know the Lord is nigh,
And would but cannot pray,
For Satan meets me when I try,
And frights my soul away,
And frights my soul away.

I would but can't repent,
Though I endeavor oft,
This stoney heart can ne'er relent,
Till Jesus makes it soft,
Till Jesus makes it soft.

Help My Unbelief,
Help My Unbelief,
Help My Unbelief,
My help must come from Thee.

I would but cannot love,
Though wooed by love divine;
No arguments have power to move,
A soul as base as mine,
A soul so base as mine.

I would but cannot rest,
In God's most holy will;
I know what He appoints is best,
And murmur at it still,
I murmur at is still.

Help My Unbelief,
Help My Unbelief,
Help My Unbelief,
My help must come from Thee."