Monday, September 19, 2011

Maybe I'm Crazy, Maybe It's God

Well I am still looking for a job in Chattanooga.  I just got back actually from my second interview with a jewelry company down there.  There has yet to be an actual offer but it is looking promising.  Courtney, the manager who interviewed me said she would call me next Monday to let me know whether I got the job or not.  She is currently at a week long managers conference so now the waiting game ensues.  With all that said, this is probably going to be a really shocking to a lot of you especially as you consider the economy and job market.

I just turned in my 2 weeks notice to Liberty University.  Yes, I know you are probably yelling at the computer screen right now, "What the heck were you thinking?!"  "Where you thinking at all?!" You are probably thinking that I just made a big mistake and that I am stupid for giving up a perfectly decent job when I have nothing secured elsewhere.  Maybe I am crazy.  I swear there is a method to my madness though.  Allow me to explain...

If you have asked me how work is going in the last few weeks then you might have already gotten the idea that it has been stressful.  Well recently that stress took a turn for the worse.  **Please note this section is not to defame Liberty, to drag it through the mud, trash it, or to change your view of the school.  I am NOT trying to attack Liberty in any way shape or form nor do I support spreading rumors or gossip.  That being said I will do my very best to say only what I know to be completely true and share details only as it pertains to my situation and is relevant to why I did what I did.  After working at Liberty for 2 years and particularly in the last several months of being a full time employee I have witnessed some business practices and decisions of ethics from the Administration (I will not go into detail), that for my own convictions, I cannot support and would not like my name associated with as designer or draftsman.  I DO NOT believe that the Falwell's are the anti-Christ.  But I do feel that I cannot continue to support their particular decisions and leadership on a professional level especially when it comes to construction and planning of building projects, which as you know is the department that I worked in and with closely.  I do not know them personally so I cannot speak to their personal lives and practices.  All I know is that they are human and as such, sinners in need of grace just like me and everyone else.  

All that being said I recently have found myself in an ethical quandary.  Do I stay and turn a blind eye to what I feel is wrong and possibly risk being called into question myself for doing what I was told? Or do I remove myself from the situation for my reputation, convictions, and careers sake?  When you look at those two options the decision seems easy.  But with each of those comes its own problem.  Obviously the former has negative repercussions.  The latter has negatives as well.  If I resigned, I would run the risk of being without a job for an indefinite period of time, as I still have no concrete offers.  In today's job market I could be cutting off my nose to spite my face.  Interior design is a luxury service and the current economy has not been good to that profession.  You can see my dilemma.  As the weeks went on, I became more concerned and my consciences became more bothered.  I started getting sick every morning before work and sometimes even at work.  I dreaded going in every morning for fear of what new issue would develop.  

As it so happened when all of these issues began to arise I had just started reading Genesis for my personal devotions.  Reading a chapter a night, I began working through and seeking solace and comfort in the scriptures as I tried to decide what I should do.  I prayed a lot, I sought wise council, and I prayed some more.  I thought and worried and debated and prayed even more.  As each day came more concerns and stresses arose until finally it all came to a head last Thursday.  I knew I couldn't work here anymore.  I knew I had to give my 2 week notice on Monday (today).  I knew that I had an interview scheduled for Saturday at 10:30am in Chattanooga so there was some hope but no guarantee.  And trust me all the thoughts that you had as your initial reaction to my announcement, I can assure you I thought of.  How will I support myself?  Am I really going to run the risk of living off of my parents and losing all of the independence that I grown accustom to and love?  What am I supposed to do if I resign?  Am I making a mistake?  How can this be wise?  How can I do anything but resign?  All of these questions and fears and doubts are running through my head as I wash my face and brush my teeth.  I don my pajamas and crawl into bed, my mind whirling.  I grab my Bible and send up a quick prayer that was really all I could utter,"Oh boy."  I open my Bible to where my ribbon was marked in Genesis.  I was up to chapter 12.  I sigh and settled in and began reading.  Genesis 12:1 -  "The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you..."  No way. I read it again. “The LORD had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you..." Now I am not one to believe in omens.  But I also don't believe in coincidences.    What I do believe is that God uses His word to speak into His children's lives when they need it most.  Something like that has never happened to me before.  God knew and planned exactly what verse I would be at when I was struggling with this decision.  I let out a laugh.  Peace and a resolute will settle themselves in me.  I know that this is indeed what I am supposed to do.  I know that God just told me through His command to Abraham thousands of years ago.  How could I ignore that?  

The next day, I pack up and head to Chattanooga.  I go to my interview fully expecting to be offered something.  The interview goes well and ends on a positive note but with no offer.  As I walk back to my car I am a little confused and doubt starts creeping in.  Maybe it was just a coincidence after all.  Maybe I am being crazy.  I continued to reflect on my situation and also on Abraham's.  He probably thought the exact same things I was thinking.  "I am supposed to leave everything that I know and everyone that I love except for a few and I am just supposed to go out without knowing where I am going; without knowing how I will feed my family?  Am I just supposed wander around till you tell me to stop?  What if all there is out there is desert?" And all God says is "I will show you."  But Abraham obeyed.  I am sure he got flack for it too.  I am sure his family and friends said, "Have you lost your mind?" "What are you thinking?" "Are you even thinking at all?" "There is security here. You can't just go out wandering around out there!"  "You don't have a plan, you don't have a map.  You are just going off what 'God told you'?"  Abraham had no idea what he was doing either.  He had no idea if he was going to be lead to a fertile land or a desert.  He had no idea what the future held for him and his family.  

Now, I am not saying that Chattanooga is the land flowing of milk and honey or that I am like Abraham and will have to change my name and I will have more descendants then can be counted.  All I know is that I need to obey.  This is God's will as far as He has revealed it to me through His word.  But I am choosing and have chosen to trust Him and rely on His provision.  So this morning without any job or back up plan I submitted my 2 weeks notice.  I have no idea what the future holds. But I am trusting God to fill in the blanks.  

So call me crazy, but that's whats going on.  Please be praying for me! 
TTFN
Rach


Monday, September 5, 2011

Happily Ever After

I must apologize to you, my dear reader, because I have been terribly remiss in posting this last month.  I have been incredibly busy and posting just kept slipping my mind.  The last few weeks have been full to say the least.  It seems like I say this every post these days but there has been a lot of growing and a lot of stress and laughter and sadness.  Sadness especially has left his mark.  He was like the unwelcome party guest that no one could figure out how he got an invitation or even heard about the party, yet there he was inserting himself into any conversation and generally making his presence known.  How does one come to terms with him?  How does one deal with his unwelcome and painful existence?  This is a question that I have been asking myself time and time again.

I was recently watching TV with my mother.  A preview came on for a new movie that was now coming to DVD.  I was explaining to Mama how I had enjoyed the movie even though it was a sad story.  It had ended happily but there was still a sad beginning and middle.  She said, "I thought you didn't like sad stories."  If you know me at all I am sure you have heard me say at some point that I only like movies that have happy endings.  My theory is that the cinema is supposed to be an escape from the pressures and stresses and sadness of the day.  You should be able to walk into a theater or sit down on your couch and get lost even if for only 105 minutes and forget yourself and your troubles for a moment. So in response to my mother's question I said, "I don't like sad movies if they end that way.  But as long as it has a happy ending the beginning and middle can still be sad. If I know it has a happy ending I can get through it."

A few days ago I was driving home from worship team practice.  I was thinking about the frustrations I had been going through at work; the disappointment that I still had yet to find a job in Chattanooga; and on several other heartbreaking developments for me and my family.  As you can imagine I was pretty downhearted.  There was just so much sadness.  It seems the older I get the worse everything is.  Suddenly, God brought a quote to my mind.  It was from the last book of "The Lord of the Rings" series "Return of the King" when Sam Gamgee comes to after being saved with his master and friend Frodo by the eagles and Gandalf.  Sam wakes up and sees Gandalf and exclaims, "Gandalf! I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead. Is everything sad going to come untrue?" In the quiet of my car driving home in the darkness those words struck a chord. God reminded me in answer to Sam's question that yes, one day everything sad is going to come untrue.  Life is a mirror of my favorite type of movie.  Our lives have been sprinkled with a generous dose of sadness.  That is sin's effect.  We will always have times of sadness.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."

Nothing is new under the sun.  But one day, after this fleeting life of ours has ended, everything sad will come untrue.  God will wipe every tear from our eye.  There will be no anxiety; there will be no disappointment; there will be no heartbreak.  Everything sad will come untrue and we as Christians will have our happy ending.  Happily ever after is not a myth for Christians because Christ has come and paid our debt and we can live in peace and hope that no matter how sad of a beginning or middle our time here on earth has our happily ever after is coming. 

Romans 8: 14-25 "For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

So hang on, Christian.  Hang onto the hope that is awaiting you and live your life to the fullest knowing that come what may everything sad will come untrue.