Friday, January 28, 2011

Latest Correspondence from Emily

Hello All,

This is an email to confirm that you will be interviewing in Charlottesville, VA on Monday February 7th. Your exact interview location and time slot will be assigned to you early next week.

Please email me to confirm you have received this email and that the 7th works for you. If there is a conflict with the 7th please let me know ASAP.

Thank you and we look forward to interviewing you!

Emily S. Larsgaard

Reformed University Fellowship

Intern and Female Staff Administrator

eshriver@ruf.org

404.775.0343

ruf.org

I worked it out with Emily and my time is set for 3:00p.m. Prayer would be greatly appreciated!

Cheers!

Rachel

Friday, January 21, 2011

Crooked Deep Down

So my life is currently kind of imploding. I do not want this post to be a really dramatic pity party though. Because this implosion is a good thing because what is imploding and being turned to rubble is my pride, my selfishness, my self-righteousness, my lies, my anger, my self-pitying, my judging heart, my crookedness, my impure thoughts, and my wickedness. This obviously is not the end of the list of things wrong with me but for the sake of time I will stop there.

Charles Spurgeon told a story from his own life once of how after preaching a sermon a woman came up to him and told him flat out, "Sir you are the most arrogant and insufferable man I have ever met!" to which he responded with "Ma'am, you do not know the half of it." That story has stuck with me for years, ever since I first heard it. But I never really appreciated it because until recently I didn't really think I was that bad. I mean, yeah I knew I had a lot of sin in my life and I could even name a few of them for you but there was not really a deep understanding of the crookedness within me. There is a song by Derek Webb called "Crooked Deep Down" and I appreciate that song so much more now because that is my story. But that is not the end of my story. I screw up every day. I cannot go a few hours without sinning. I honestly know that now and I am literally the worst person I know. All the pain that is currently in my life I have largely brought it upon myself through my own mistakes, my own stupidity, to paraphrase a well loved song it was no ones fault but mine and it was the people I care about the most whose hearts were on the line.

God has broken me to a depth I did not know I was capable of reaching. I have never cried so much in my entire life actually. Each time I think I am done and I couldn't possibly have anymore tears left something happens and I am back in my bed clutching my damp pillow to my chest praying that my roommates don't hear my sobs. But I want you to know something that I am learning in large part to sermons at Mercy, discussions with Marc and Parker, and last nights message at RUF. There is no guilt in those tears. There is a pure and deep sadness but no guilt. I have plenty to be guilty of but I can do nothing to relieve my guilt. It has been done for me by grace. I am redeemed by grace and I am sanctified by grace. Last night the passage was Romans 6: 5-14

5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,[a] that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7 because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.

8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10 The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

Under the law I am guilty. But I am not under law. I am under grace! I am set free from sin! It is through grace that I am sanctified and I am free! What I am going through now is necessary. It sucks and it hurts but it is good because God is refining me through fire and I have hope because I am not what I was and He is making me who His Son is through this. Last weeks sermon at Mercy was on 1 Peter 1:3-9

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

It says right there is verse 6! This is not random pain, it is necessary and because of that I rejoice. This doesn't mean I like it or that I am all smiles and happy-go-lucky but I can rejoice that God is good and has given me new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. Where my sin abounds his grace abounds all the more! I don't have to focus all of my energy on my sin because I am under grace and it is only by grace that I am forgiven and raised to newness of life.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Stolen Wisdom...

This is not my post. Marc (my campus minister) shared this with me and I am currently reading the book Just Do Something by Kevin Deyoung. If you have not read this book I highly recommend it. It was recently given to me and it has really been enlightening and liberating as the full, extremely long title promises. I have been doing a lot of studying on the subject of God's will lately and I am learning a lot so I thought I would share.

This article is written by a man named Bill MacKinnon. He is the author of the blog The Internet Monk. This article gives an amusing and convicting explanation of a true biblical view of God's Will.

“I’m a lousy Christian.

There. I’ve said it. People say that admitting it is the first step. What makes me a lousy Christian you ask? Hidden sin? Lukewarm commitment? Worldliness?

I wish.

At least if it were one of those, I could do something about it. No, what makes me a lousy Christian is something I don’t seem to be able to do anything about. You see, God isn’t speaking to me. He won’t give me assignments. He didn’t tell me who to marry. He was obstinately silent when I had to decide whether to take my current job. He doesn’t give me secret knowledge about other people or situations. In short, He isn’t doing for me what seemingly the rest of the evangelical church claims He is doing for them.

Why not me? What have I done wrong? Why this slight? Everyone else has all this extra revelation straight from God. They’ve got intense feelings, and power, and special instructions and don’t have to make any of their own decisions. God tells them what to do and when to do it. In fact, some of them claim they don’t do anything until it is clear what God wants them to do. If I waited for God to tell me what to do, I would never get out of bed. All I’ve got is a Bible and the Holy Spirit within me. (at least, I hope He’s there. I can’t feel Him moving about, but the Bible says He’s there)

I’ve done quite a bit of study on this issue and I’ve gathered quite a few theories and teachings. God seems to be telling different people different things, but perhaps we can sort them all out and come to some conclusions.

First is what I like to call the Ham Radio teaching. I’m sure you’ve seen people fiddling around with the dials on a ham radio. They twist and turn and adjust until the voices become clear. The voices were there all along; they just couldn’t hear them until the right adjustments were made. Some people say God is like that. He’s always speaking. He just can’t get through to us until we make the right adjustments in our lives. As soon as these adjustments are made, His voice is loud and clear! The adjustments generally involve getting rid of all sin in your life. How lucky for the really good guys in the Bible like Cain and Jonah to get it right the first time. Oh wait…

Second is what I call the Walkie Talkie theory. If you have used a walkie talkie, you know that as long as you are speaking, the other party cannot be heard. You can only hear them when you stop speaking and listen. I naively thought that prayer was generally one-way communication with God. But I’m told it is really two-way communication, and that I can’t hear God until I stop talking. Then I’m supposed to listen. How long I wait to see if God is going to say anything is directly proportional to my faith. I apparently missed this part when Jesus taught His disciples to pray, but I’ll go back and look.

Next on the list is the Easter Bunny theory. God’s will is mysterious and he hides it carefully and then asks you to find it. People are always saying that they are “looking for God’s will for my life.” Things like strong feelings and coincidences are clues. God wants you to do things, but He won’t tell you what. But evidently He will hold you responsible if you don’t do what He wants you to do but won’t tell you. Hold on, I’m looking up the verses that support that now….no, no, just a moment…no, not there. Well anyway, I’ll find them later.

There’s the Bull Ring theory. Have you ever seen a ring in a bull’s nose? It’s not there because he’s rebelling against his parents. It’s there for people to pull on. When someone pulls on the ring in a northerly direction, the bull “feels led” to walk north. When the person pulling the ring changes direction, quite remarkably the bull does as well. I have probably heard the term “I feel led” or “I felt led” from other Christians more than any other phrase. But when I ask them what “feeling led” feels like, they are at somewhat of a loss to explain. From what I can gather, it’s a kind of strong desire or impression. Well, if you can’t trust strong desires what can you…uh, never mind.

One of my favorites is the Paxil theory. Paxil is a drug that calms you down and gives you a feeling of peace. I’m told that if I’m wavering between a number of options on an important decision, I should kind of semi-decide upon one, and see if I have a “feeling of peace” about it. If not, move on. Now the thing is, I don’t get stressed or nervous about much of anything. So if “peace” is my main decision making criteria, most of the decisions I’ve made in my life have been correct. Woohoo!

Last but certainly not least is the Back to School theory. Put simply, you can’t hear God’s voice until you learn how. Somehow, without it being recorded, it is known that all the folks God spoke to in biblical times had learned how to hear God’s voice. How they learned it or what is involved in learning it has never been fully explained to me. If I ever do learn it, I will gladly teach it to others, but only if they call me “sensei”…

Well, that was fun. There’s a whole lotta teaching goin’ on out there about God speaking. They all seem to be a bit different but perhaps we can find a common thread among all or most of them. I think I’ve spotted it. Have you? The common theme among most of these (which although I’ve presented them in a tongue and cheek manner, are common and serious teachings) is that God is trying to speak to people and often failing to get His message across.

So now I have a question. Is that a picture of the God of the Bible? Does the God of the Bible try? Does the God of the Bible fail? Is the God of the Bible limited by the failures and foibles of His creatures? Did Abraham “feel led” to go to the land of Canaan or did he hear God speak loud and clear? Did God hide Jonah’s mission to Nineveh ? Was all the sin out of Job’s life when God spoke to him from the whirlwind? Did Moses have to learn to hear God speak from the bush? In short, where the heck did all these ideas come from? Certainly not the Bible.

If you email me and tell me I’m putting God in a box I swear I will hunt you down and kick you in the shin. This isn’t about what God can do. This is about what we can teach. And (hopefully) we can agree that our teaching authority and doctrine comes from the Bible, not the voices in our heads. God can do whatever He wants. But we can’t teach whatever we want.

What does the Bible teach about God speaking? Well obviously God spoke to people in many ways: the burning bush, angels, a voice, writing on the wall, etc. Notoriously absent are things like impressions, feeling led, and feelings of peace. When God wanted someone to do something, He told them and they heard and understood. Period. They didn’t always like it, and they didn’t always obey, but they heard. How could they not? Were they more powerful than God? Are you? Is there anything within your power or imagination that can keep God from getting a message to you? Who do we think we are?

God may choose not to speak to you, but if He does speak, you will hear. Please don’t come back and quote me the “if you have ears to hear” verses. Read those in context. To “hear”, as Jesus was employing the term didn’t mean to hear, as in perceive with your auditory appendages. It meant to accept and obey. Obviously the crowd “heard” him in the sense that I’m talking about.

It is curious to me that if someone in a typical evangelical church stood up and said an angel spoke to him and told him that God wanted him to be a missionary to Africa , we would be very skeptical at best. Yet if that same person stood up and said that he “just really feel led to go to Africa to be a missionary”, the "amens" and applause would be deafening. Yet the former is biblical and the latter is not.

So, should we be looking for angels or burning bushes? No. Moses wasn’t looking for one. We shouldn’t be looking for anything. What we should do is read our Bibles. You want to hear God speak? If you have a Bible, you have thousands of years of God-inspired instructions, messages, exhortations, rebukes and praises right at your fingertips. Why do we think we need more than that? God’s will for your life is written there. God’s instructions for living are there. To want them piped directly into your brain is just foolishness and laziness. Worse, it opens you up to the worst kind of doctrinal errors.

So in conclusion, a lousy Christian I may be, for many reasons. But my inability to hear God’s voice isn’t one of them. I have a Bible, and God speaks to me whenever I open it.”

As someone who has lived a life trying to figure out God's will this new understanding has been so freeing. I constantly am trying to figure out God's hidden will. Who am I going to marry? What job am I going to take? Where am I going to live? Should I do the RUF internship? All of these things have been on my mind for the last year. And trying to figure all these things out has lead to depression, frustration, tears, and a complete sense of loss and distance from God. It has been absolutely miserable. This is no way to live, people! And if you are in the same boat I have been I feel your pain and I offer you my empathy and comfort. I know it sucks! I pray that this gives you as much hope and relief as it has given me and I pray that you would read these things I have offered to you. I am not saying that because I read this, my life is perfect now, far from it. But at least for now and hopefully for a good while with the help and mercy of God, I am resting and hopeful.

God is at work.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Worrying About Tomorrow

My campus minister just emailed me to tell me that he has turned in his reference in to Emily. 2 down 3 more to go. Along with that information, Marc also said, "Have you thought more about the $ thing? I'm pretty concerned about that for you! (Virginia lottery? Other ideas?) Churches are broke...You will need some powerhouse individuals to swing 30K! Will pray." My initial reaction was I thought I was going to be sick. And then I started stressing and freaking out, hence this post.

I have no idea how to raise support!!! But in my sinful mind it all rests on my severe lack of knowledge to get to this internship if I am accepted. I have to raise over $30,000! I have never raised more than $150 before and I never even asked for it, someone just heard through the grapevine I was going on a missions trip. So needless to say I am freaking out! If my campus minister who literally does this for a living has no idea what I am going to do, how am I supposed to do it??? What am I supposed to do??? That is more money than I have ever made in my entire life! And I don't know a bunch of rich people sitting around looking for a good cause to give too. I don't come from a big church nor do I have a lot of connections outside of churches. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
...

Matt 6: 25-34
"Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what will you wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you - you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and all His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own."

Lord the only way I am going to do this is with Your help and Your guidance. There is literally no other way I can do this without You. And You are showing me that through this freak out. I need You and if this was going to be easy I would forget that and take all the credit. You know where You want me. Whether that is at a campus, ministering to girls or whether that is here in Lynchburg for a while longer, although that thought kills me. I have to trust You. I will go insane if I don't. God, I am freaking out. I am scared. I am doubting Your faithfulness and wisdom. But I have to put aside all of that and rest in You no matter how scary and unclear things may get. I must step out in faith, as I should do always, and give it over to You. God help me! You are at work.

Please pray for and with me, everyone! Not just that I will raise the support but most importantly that I will trust my Father and rest in His guidance and His plan. That I won't freak out but that I will have peace in Him and I will be still and know that He is God.
And if you know of any rich people who don't need their money feel free to send them my way! Hahaha!

God IS at work.