Monday, March 28, 2011

Insatiable Hunger

So I want to be honest here. Something that I am HORRIBLE at is putting aside time to read my Bible. I don't know about you but I am personally not a huge reader. I really have to be in the mood to sit down and read a book. Now there are many books that I will sit down and devour in a few hours because the subject interests me but those times are few and far between. Well unfortunately the Bible is not one of those books I can devour quickly. For me it is a very conscious and sometimes painstaking decision to sit down and read my Bible. Maybe that makes me a horrible Christian; maybe it just makes me normal. I am inclined to believe the latter.

I recently made a very conscious decision to read the Bible in a year. I found a schedule that I liked and started the first day with vigor and determination! I was going to do this. It was going to be fantastic! Yeah it was going to be tough once I got to like Deuteronomy and Leviticus but it would be fine! Well I began with all the best intentions that first day. And that day proved to be better because of reading. And then the next day came. I was busy. I had other things on my mind. I had laundry to do. I didn't feel like reading right then so it could wait until later that evening when I might feel more inclined. And that day turned into 2 days which turned into 3 and so on. And that is how the pattern of my Scripture reading life goes.

Something that was driven home early on for me in RUF was that God loves us just as much on the days that we don't read our Bible as the days we do. This is true but I have to admit that I definitely used that as an excuse on more than one occasion. Trust me, I know I am a horrible Christian (but then again so is everyone else, it's only through Christ we have any victory or merit). I justified my slacking quite easily. I knew I should and needed to do it. Shoot part of me even WANTED to do it (on good days). I knew there was something missing in my walk from not being in the Word on a regular basis. I knew there was knowledge I was lacking but gosh darn it for the life of me I couldn't get my lazy butt off that couch and grab my Bible sitting a few feet away, sometimes even within arm’s reach! What is wrong with me? Can I suggest that nothing is wrong with me? At least nothing more than is always wrong with me being the sinner that I am. I am selfish. I am self-absorbed. I am lazy. I am overly preoccupied with so many other "cool" and "exciting" things that the thought of reading my Bible is a complete drag to me. Now, before you go writing me off and say well how can this woman even call herself a Christian? This is how,

1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through ourLord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
Romans 5:1-11

I have no legs to stand on when I am trying to comfort myself in my own good deeds or my own righteousness. I have nothing to offer or bring to the table. For heaven's sake I can’t even read my Bible on a daily basis! That only highlights my dire need of my loving and patient Father; the prodding and strength of the Holy Spirit; and the prayers on my behalf from the Son. All of my life is to be a neon sign to Christ, thankfully even through my failures because God knows those outweigh the victories. And it should be a sign not only to others but also to myself as a reminder of the greatness of my God and how he works even through the ugliness of my sins to show that I am far worse than I ever could imagine but He is far more loving than I could have ever dreamed.

And can I please tell you that every time I have picked up that Bible and read from whatever passage I either happen to land on or feel like reading, I never walk away empty handed. In some way, even if I am not aware of it at the time, grace has been showered on me in that reading. I remember what I have been missing. I gained knowledge that I had been lacking. I was fed. Now, I don't have that insatiable hunger that some people talk about, maybe that will never be one of my gifts. I envy people who have that and pray that maybe someday that will be my story. But for now and maybe forever that's ok because ultimately it is not about me and what I have and can do or how much I love to read my Bible. It's about Christ and how he manifests himself in my life and the means He graciously gives us to grow. So I will fight, by the grace of God, the demons inside me telling me I don't have time, I have laundry to do, I don't feel like it, I can do it later, and even God loves me no matter what, in order to grow in the knowledge and understanding that is necessary for continued sanctification of my heart and mortification of my sins.

Monday, March 21, 2011

A New Look

So here is the new and hopefully improved blog! As you can see there are a lot of changes.  Pretty much the only thing that hasn't changed is that the old posts are still here for you too see.  I wanted to take a few minutes to give you a little explanation of some of the changes.

Title: Mile Marker 20 - This is a place to share what happens between the "miles" and prayerfully with each mile marker there will be a growth and change in my spiritual, physical, and emotional life and it will just be fun and fascinating to be able to look back and see how God has worked.  The title will change every year on my birthday (mile marker). The URL will stay the same but the actual title will change to whatever age I will be. So on August 4, 2011 the title will be Mile Marker 21 next year it will be Mile Marker 22 and so on. The reason for this change is obvious. This blog doesn't have so much to do with RUF anymore.  Although I will still be talking about things I am learning through RUF in the last semester of my time there and the doings with my RUFians (as I like to call them), it will clearly not be focused on the RUF internship. I was trying to think of a name that would be fitting for what I wanted to accomplish now in this blog. I want to keep y'all updated on what goes on in life after college for me.  I hate presuming that y'all would be interested in my life after college but seeing as I am not sure where I will end up and I have a lot of family and friends that I may be leaving behind (only in the geographical sense), I want y'all to be able to keep in the loop on a more detailed level then just what can be gained from Facebook stati. If you have my direct contact info though, I would love to keep in touch that way as well :)  I also want to keep using this as a sort of spiritual journal to keep me accountable and really thinking on deeper and holier subjects as I put my thoughts to electronic paper.  Hopefully my own spiritual journey will be an encouragement to you that you are not alone in your struggles and that you would possibly find a kindred spirit and maybe even some helpful thoughts. Lord willing, God will use me through this.

Subtitle and About me: Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah - This song is really the theme song for my life right now and really at all times not just now. Honestly, I felt that it says everything that I could in a far more eloquent way and thorough.  As I have said I have NO IDEA where I am going to end up. I am sure y'all are chuckling just knowing how that is driving me crazy :) Don't worry I can laugh at myself! Part of me is excited that my life is not tied down somewhere and I can literally go just about anywhere God opens a door.  And right now there seem to be plenty of open doors and its just up to me to pick which one I want to go through.  So of course that is exciting.  But it would be really nice to have a plan.  But someone very wise reminds me on a regular basis that I need to chill with all that and trust God.  It's a much needed reminder/kick in the pants and he is very patient to keep telling me over and over again :) 

Background: A Blurry Road - In case this is not self-explanatory, I have no idea what is ahead of me so I figured that a blurry road was the best image I could have found that relates to my current situation! Haha!  Honestly the road ahead will always be blurry but I know that I have a Guide who will lead me on.

Well that is all the changes that I feel could use an explanation but if you have any questions feel free to leave a comment and ask :)

Love y'all!
TTFN
Rach

The Road Not Taken

 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20
Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Verdict

So in case you missed it on facebook.  I did not get the RUF internship.  The few days after Marc and Parker told me were pretty tough.  I was heartbroken and it still is sad to think that I will not be doing the internship this year.  I cried for a long time and tried to understand and beg God to tell me why and he showed me.  It wasn't anything audible but it was more of him showing me through some hard self-examination and honesty that I really am not ready.  And man was that a blow to the pride.  The internship is a really difficult experience.  It is a wonderful one but very difficult.  All of the fears that I mentioned in previous post might have been my subconscious, AKA the Holy Spirit, trying to prepare me for this disappointment.

God is using this to grow me spiritually, mentally, and emotionally and I am so very thankful for that.  It is not fun but it is worth it and good for me.  God is still at work and I don't and haven't doubted it for a second.  I don't know what he has planned for me next.  I am currently job hunting in Charlotte, NC, Chattanooga, TN, and Myrtle Beach, SC.  I am planning on staying at my current job here in Lynchburg until I find something else.  I have so many people to love and be loved by.  At this point that is all I know and that is really all I can know.  This certainly threw a wrench in my planning but I know my God and myself well enough to not be surprised by it anymore :)  He will open up opportunities and experiences through this that I would never even realize could be possible.  I am still excited about the future and I am still relying on God to use this and the future to grow me into the woman he wants me to be.  I will continue to look for opportunities to use the gifts he has given me to serve him and others. 

As for RUF specifically, they told me to reapply next year, which I might do!  That all depends on where God takes me though.  I have registered for Summer Conference and I am so extremely excited about that!  I continue to go to large group and Sweet Briar small group.  Basically at this point life goes on and God is so very good to allow that to be true.  Just because RUF might have fallen through doesn't mean that I won't continue to update you through this.  And who knows I might try again next year and we can go through this whole process together again :) The name of the blog and the URL will change slightly but I will be sure to notify you before that happens.  I have to think of a really good name first :)

I love you all and thank you so much for your prayers and support and interest! Please know that it means more to me than I could ever express!

TTFN!
Rach

Monday, March 7, 2011

1 Thessalonians 5:22— The Sin Sniffer’s Catch-All Verse

Here is a fascinating article that Marc sent out by Daniel Wallace, a professor at Dallas Theological Seminary.  It really makes you think:

This is one of several occasional essays on “Scripture Twisting.” The purpose of these very brief essays is to challenge certain popular interpretations of the Bible that really have little or no basis.


I attended a Christian liberal arts college. The students there had scores of little oral traditions that helped them obey God. My wife and I still joke about them. Our favorite was this: “You should pray over a meal if it cost more than 50 cents or if you have to eat it with a fork.” Where is that in the Bible? No place, of course, but we students felt that it was a necessary add-on for our sanctification.

You, too, have probably been exposed to such oral traditions. Over the years we have seen various essays and heard far too many sermons that extol the virtues of avoiding the appearance of evil. I remember growing up in a church in which the pastor would frequently preach on the evils of going to movies, or dancing, or drinking and smoking. Nowadays, such sermons are usually pass. Instead, there are laundry lists that ask various questions about an activity such as “Is it honoring to God? Might it harm a weaker brother or sister? Is it the best use of your time? Does it promote the cause of Christ? Does it avoid the appearance of evil?”

Such lists usually address activities that are considered “grey areas” for a believer’s ethical and moral stance. Thus, the Bible does not explicitly forbid them. Perhaps originally these checklists were designed to cause one to pause and reflect on an activity before following one’s own conscience in the matter. But, as is often the case, they have become a way of imposing one’s own conscience on another. In effect, they are oral tradition that is extra-biblical, palmed off as though a mark of wisdom and maturity. In other words, they are often a weaker brother’s attempt to enforce a kind of legalism on those who have fewer scruples about such grey areas.

The net effect of such lists is to cast the Christian faith in a negative light and to paralyze the saints from becoming involved in people’s lives. Now please don’t misunderstand: I am not advocating that one ought to live in the grey areas! Anything in excess (except worship of God, which, in reality can’t be in excess) is to be avoided. For example, I like chocolate. A lot. I find nothing in Scripture that says I should avoid chocolate at all costs. Indeed, 1 Tim 4:4 seems to imply that I have personal freedom in this matter: “Everything created by God is good; and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving.” But what if I eat a pound of chocolate a day? Besides the fact that my teeth will rot and I’ll soon look like a blimp, such an activity would begin to control my life. I would become enslaved to it. “Whatever overcomes a man, to that he is enslaved” (2 Pet 2:19). Eating chocolate is okay; devouring the stuff till it devours me is not.

I am not talking about excess in the grey areas; I am addressing rather the occasional forays into them. The issues here are much larger than can be addressed in a short essay. Suffice it to say here that those who do not want other Christians to enjoy life use 1 Thess 5:22 as their ultimate weapon. This text reads in the King James Version, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” It is the sin sniffer’s catch-all verse.

Let’s briefly examine it. First, the KJV translation is hardly the best translation. Virtually all modern translations have something like: “Abstain from every form of evil.” But form is not necessarily the same as appearance. A form can have a correspondence to reality. Significantly, the noun eido" (used in this verse) is sometimes translated “mint.” Along these lines, what is interesting to note is that in the early church, the wording of 1 Thess 5:21 was more often attributed to Jesus than to Paul. And it was prefaced by the words “become approved money-changers.” This then was followed by the participial construction, “by abstaining from evil things and by holding fast to the good.”1 Thus, Paul may well be quoting from a previously unrecorded saying of Jesus in 1 Thess 5:21-22. If so, then these verses need to be rendered as follows: “Test all things; hold fast to the good, but abstain from every false coinage.” The idea then is that believers ought to stay away from that which is counterfeit—that is, false doctrines.

This interpretation is confirmed in the overall context: in vv 19-20 Paul gives the pithy instruction: “Do not quench the Spirit; do not despise prophetic utterances.” This is followed by a contrastive dev (“but”) that leads off v 21: “but test all things.” Clearly, the context has to do with exercising discernment when it comes to spiritual instruction. The Thessalonians are instructed to heed the Spirit’s guidance and listen to the words of prophets. At the same time, they are not to accept everything gullibly, but are to “test all things.” They should then keep the good and throw out the bad. Thus, v 22 has the idea of “stay away from bad doctrine.” The instruction in vv 19-22, then, has nothing to do with lifestyle per se.

A second argument is necessary. Suppose that our interpretation of these verses is wrong. Suppose that counterfeiting coins is not in the background of 1 Thess 5:22. If so, does this necessarily mean that believers are to avoid every appearance of evil? Not at all. In order for that to be the meaning, three other things must line up: (1) “form” must lack correspondence to reality (like the word “appearance” seems to do in the KJV translation); (2) v 22 must be interpreted in isolation from vv 19-21; and (3) we would expect to see examples, in the life of Paul and others in the NT, of avoiding the appearance of evil.

Although a case could be made for the first and second points (eido" sometimes lacks correspondence with reality;2 the lack of a conjunction at the beginning of v 22 might mean that there is no connection with the preceding3), the third point fails miserably. Paul was noted for becoming all things to all men (1 Cor 9:20-22) for the sake of the gospel. He often did things that certain sin-sniffers viewed as lacking propriety (cf. Gal 2). But he did them both because of his passion for the gospel and because of “our freedom which we have in Christ Jesus” (Gal 2:4).

But Paul is not the supreme example of one who did not avoid the appearance of evil. Jesus is. He spent so much time with tax-collectors and sinners that he was labeled a glutton and a drunkard (Matt 11:19; Luke 7:34). Indeed, his very first miracle was to change water into wine (John 2), enabling the festivities to keep going. The distinct impression one gets from the Gospels is that Jesus simply did not have the same scruples about his associations that the religious leaders of the day had. They avoided the appearance of evil at all costs; Jesus seems almost to have had the opposite approach to life and ministry (cf., e.g., Luke 7:39). Even his disciples had been oppressed by all the rules and traditions of men. But Jesus freed them from such nonsense. In Matt 15, the Pharisees were stunned that Jesus’ disciples did not perform the Jewish hand washing ritual before they ate. They hammered on the disciples and on Jesus for not obeying the oral commandments. Jesus did not say, “Sorry, boys. I didn’t mean to cause offense. It won’t happen again.” Instead, he very boldly pointed out that these religious leaders had exchanged the laws of God for their own self-made rules. He called them hypocrites who had no heart for God. The most remarkable verse in this whole pericope is verse 12: Jesus’ disciples came to their Master and said, “Did you know that the Pharisees were offended by what you just said?” Didn’t they know that offending the Pharisees was part of Jesus’ job description!

It is evident that our Lord enjoyed life and enjoyed it fully (cf. Luke 5:29-34). Restoring the Imago Dei to the way God intended it leads to such enjoyment of life. It is no wonder that Jesus said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matt 11:30), and “I have come that they might have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Oral traditions that heap requirements on people because of some outspoken individual’s overbearing conscience are an anathema to the Lord and to the evangelical faith. May ours be, once again, a robust faith and a life of enjoyment of God and of the good gifts he bestows on us.

In conclusion, 1 Thess 5:22 is apparently talking about staying away from false teaching and has nothing to do with lifestyle per se. It should be translated, “Abstain from every form of evil” or “Abstain from every false coinage [i.e., false doctrine].” Further, to wield it as a weapon of legalism is against the general tenor of the New Testament and of the Lord’s life in particular. Ironically, to avoid every appearance of evil is far more in keeping with the Pharisees’ model of righteousness than with Jesus’! The Westminster Shorter Catechism starts off by noting that the chief end of man is to “Glorify God and enjoy him forever.” This capsulizes God’s goal for humanity well. We must not forget that there are two verbs in this brief answer.

TTFN
Rach

Tiding You Over While I'm Still Waiting...

Well God is really teaching me patience right now.  I still haven't heard anything from RUF unfortunately but that is ok actually. I would absolutely love to know and I would love to have an answer for the many facebook posts, emails, text messages, and in person questions of "So have you heard yet?" But I surprisingly am staying relatively calm about having to wait.  Don't get me wrong there are plenty of times and right now is one of those times where I would love to storm the gates of RUF headquarters but instead I must storm the throne of God for peace and patience and contentment.  So please pray with me as I continue to wait :)

~     *     ~

I have been going with Parker to help with a small group that we started at Sweet Briar College. We are going through the book A Praying Life by Paul Miller.  This book is amazing!  It is so very convicting. It has really showed me what a horrible prayer life I have.  I mean I always knew that prayer was not really my forte but each reading of this book exposes a new darkness and cynicism I have carefully constructed over the last several years. 

I always thought I was cynical but I never really saw the problem with that or how it was such a detriment to my relationship with God.  Our culture encourages cynicism because that means you are not taken in by anything. You are not a gullible and ditsy person who believes everything you see, hear and read. You are smarter than that! Paul Miller quotes C. S. Lewis in the book in reference to cynicism. He says,

You cannot go on ‘seeing through’ things forever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it. It is good that the window should be transparent, because the street or garden beyond it is opaque. How if you saw through the garden too? It is no use trying to ‘see through’ first principles. If you see through everything, then everything is transparent. But a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To ‘see through’ all things is the same as not to see. (Abolition of Man, 91)

This quote was really eye opening for me.  I spend my entire life trying to find reasons to not trust people and to not trust situations and scenarios.  I am constantly "seeing through everything" and I have found like Lewis says "to 'see through' all things is the same as not to see." While I see the danger of cynicism I still am terrified to let go of it.  I am obsessed with self-preservation, which is not surprising because that's pretty much an obsession of all humans in different levels of severity. No one wants to be hurt.  Cynicism is a defense mechanism but when you cling to that as your protection and don't cling to Christ then you end up bitter, distrusting, and alone. 

This is especially seen in my prayer life because I don't really believe that God really cares.  I feel like a nuisance.  I see God as a distant entity that really doesn't care what happens to me or what things go wrong or right.  I am obsolete to Him in my mind.  I can't trust Him because He is not safe.  I very much empathize with Lucy in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, when she is speaking to Mr. Beaver about Aslan.


'Course he isn't safe. But he's good.
"'If there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking,
they're either braver than me or else just silly.'
'Then he isn't safe?' asked Lucy.

'Safe?' said Mr. Beaver. 'Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe?
'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'"

I have built of so many walls to protect myself that I have even tried to wall God out.  This book is slowly starting to show me the sin that is deeply rooted in that construction and the dangerous misconception of who my God is.

God does care! It does matter to Him. I matter to Him! If I continue to see through everything I will even attempt to see through God.  I can't do that or I will have nothing left.  I need to see Christ through everything!  I must rely on the Trinity to teach me and support me and guide me.  God isn't safe but He is good and He is King!

TTFN
Rach