A Little Behind

So I know I said I would keep you updated on Summer RUF study but I have let a few weeks slip by. Sorry about that. Chapter 3 which is on Idolatry really threw me for a loop spiritually and it has taken this long to process and get comfortable with honesty on the subject in my own life. I'm going to try and kill two birds with one stone if I can and cover the last 2 chapters that we have done since my last post. So here it goes...

Idolatry -

So what can I say other then wow am I a sinner. You know a lot of times I get into a personal high where I feel like I am doing pretty good with this whole Christian thing. And then there are sermons or passages in scripture or RUF lessons that show me just how horribly clueless I am about the sins that are clutching so tightly to my heart. Idolatry is just one of many I can assure you but for the sake of time and to avoid rabbit trails we will stick with this one.

Tim Keller brought up an interesting point. When you are alone in your room or car or anywhere and you have no other real distractions what is it that your mind automatically goes too? What is your favorite subject to dwell on, talk about, and worry over? He said that the way to find out what is taking the place of God is to picture your worst nightmare. Is your worst nightmare being rejected by people? Is it having your life not go as planned? For me it's being alone. I know sounds depressing huh? Well its true. When I am by myself and thinking my mind automatically runs to my favorite subject who, when, and will i marry? What I want more then anything in the world is to be a wife and mother like that of Proverbs 31. I want to be a good helper to my husband and I want my children to have the best God honoring mother they can have. And those are NOT bad things to want! This is where it gets dicey. It is good to want those things. We are created to want to be with someone. God said it is not good for man to be alone so he made a helper suitable for him. The problem comes in when you are more focused on that then God's provision, mercy, love, righteousness, and holiness. Even though these are good things to want they cannot take the place of God. God is a jealous God. You shall have no other gods before Him.

Community -

Last year Summer RUF did an entire study just on this one subject. It was a very eye opening and humbling study and last Thursday was no different. It was wonderful having a refresher on the subject. For the most part I believe that community, especially after the study last summer and the many talks from Marc and Amy, is something that we are actually starting to get the hang of in RUF and I feel like a little bit of that is spilling over into other areas of life. One thing though that God is working very directly with me on is learning how to get over myself and my preferences to be welcoming and loving towards people who are outside of my comfort zone for whatever reason. As a future intern I can see why God is working on my heart so feverishly now. I have such a long way to go still, but God is moving and I pray with the help of the Holy Spirit that I can get this down.

Something that He reminded me of during RUF was that if God listens to our complaints and our skewed views of the way we think things should go, if He draws us to Himself despite our personalities, despite our annoyances, despite His comfort zone, how much more should we welcome others into our lives and hearts? God not only deals with us but He calls to us and WANTS us to come to Him and rely on Him no matter how ridiculous or annoying we get. God doesn't get annoyed at us, He doesn't roll His eyes when we come to Him for the millionth time asking forgiveness for the same sin or just down right complaining that life isn't fair. Wow! If the Creator of the universe desires me in spite of myself that much then I should be more then willing to do the same for people who are no worse then me. It shouldn't be hard for me to listen, encourage, forgive, love, and pray with and for someone when the Triune God does all those things for me perfectly in a way that can never be measured or duplicated.

As I have gone through the last several days God has gradually been showing me areas in which idolatry and lack of a desire for community has crept into my life. I am so thankful that God does not leave me to myself. He does not leave me to wallow in my sin. He does not listen to me when I cry out against Him. He draws me in and shows me my great need for Him. I am His daughter and nothing will change that. No one will pluck me from His hand not even me. Thank you God!