"And The Hits Just Keep On Comin'..."

You know one of the annoying things about the way God works? When I have a weakness or sin that easily besets me, he tends to poke and prod at it in order to purge it from my system. He taps into all the insecurities, fears, and temptations I have to show me my sin and make me aware of the Holy Spirits working.  Almost immediately as I am made aware of a sin, the picking begins, hence, my current stage in life.I have recently discovered what a blessing and a curse it is to have such a swift working Holy Spirit. 

Specifically, the way God has been digging at me lately is to bring rejection in all areas.  I have always been the type of person to rely heavily on people for acceptance.  Growing up I was one of the popular kids that could get along with anyone and had friends in all social groups.  Friendships and acceptance just came easily to me so I didn't have to deal with a lot of rejection growing up.  Well that has changed for sure and the older I get the more and more people let me down.  Whether it is family not being there for me when I needed them, a boyfriend deciding, unexpectedly for some unclear reason, I am not "the one he should be with", a couple that I have had a seemingly intimate mentor-ship with continuing to deny me the welcoming and encouraging friendship that I have tried so hard to fabricate with them, or a close friend who now keeps me at arms length and avoids me after a misunderstanding that was resolved to the best of my ability.  God has been digging at my insecurities of rejection and "need" of people and their acceptance with these and many other scenarios.  It's like removing a big splinter.  I remember when I was little. I was a tom boy and was not a fan of shoes.  I would run around the yard (and still do) playing barefoot. Well several times this backfired on me and I would get a splinter.  I would dread them because I knew what came next.  Mama getting the needle and tweezers and she would spend what seemed like hours (really only a few minutes) digging and picking, trying to get that stupid thing out.  Back then I could never understand why it was good to go through all that pain to remove a splinter that didn't even really hurt anymore, as long as no one touched it.  It just didn't seem logical to me.  If it hurts you stop doing it. Isn't that what pain receptors were created for? Well this is obviously flawed logic as we see in surgeries and settings of broken bones. Now that I am older I understand that for the greater good of the whole body, parts must go through pain and discomfort sometimes.  The same goes for the soul.

I wonder, if I had really examined past needling, would the pain have been more bearable because I knew it was for a purpose?  Would I have squirmed and fought against the picking of my Father's hand had I understood that it was necessary for my sanctification and growth? Would my heart have less chunks missing? Probably. It has really opened my eyes to being far more self aware.  I need to focus on Christ and the purpose behind the discomfort and trials or I will just focus on the pain and self pity, which doesn't do anybody an ounce of good.   

Well by God's grace I am learning.  Although he continues to dig and prod I understand the purpose and I can see the good of it.  He is truly at work and I can see him slowly, bit by painful bit, getting the deeply embedded splinter to the surface.  Through the pain I am free to be thankful.  I am free to admit the hurt and I don't have to like it.  But I am also free to heal from those rejections and disappointments because I am justified in Christ and my Father is who I need acceptance from. I have that already and I have no way of losing it.  I don't need to impress him, he sees his Son when he looks at me and because Christ has imputed his righteousness to me, my virtue and worth are beyond compare. I don't need to be perfect, because it is not my perfection that gains his love, its his!  I don't need to fabricate a relationship with him, because he draws me to himself and encourages me and welcomes me into his loving arms.  And he is there for me every time I need him, which is hourly. 

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:31-39

That's the Gospel! Thanks be to God! He is at work!
TTFN
Rach~