I just turned in my 2 weeks notice to Liberty University. Yes, I know you are probably yelling at the computer screen right now, "What the heck were you thinking?!" "Where you thinking at all?!" You are probably thinking that I just made a big mistake and that I am stupid for giving up a perfectly decent job when I have nothing secured elsewhere. Maybe I am crazy. I swear there is a method to my madness though. Allow me to explain...
If you have asked me how work is going in the last few weeks then you might have already gotten the idea that it has been stressful. Well recently that stress took a turn for the worse. **Please note this section is not to defame Liberty, to drag it through the mud, trash it, or to change your view of the school. I am NOT trying to attack Liberty in any way shape or form nor do I support spreading rumors or gossip. That being said I will do my very best to say only what I know to be completely true and share details only as it pertains to my situation and is relevant to why I did what I did. After working at Liberty for 2 years and particularly in the last several months of being a full time employee I have witnessed some business practices and decisions of ethics from the Administration (I will not go into detail), that for my own convictions, I cannot support and would not like my name associated with as designer or draftsman. I DO NOT believe that the Falwell's are the anti-Christ. But I do feel that I cannot continue to support their particular decisions and leadership on a professional level especially when it comes to construction and planning of building projects, which as you know is the department that I worked in and with closely. I do not know them personally so I cannot speak to their personal lives and practices. All I know is that they are human and as such, sinners in need of grace just like me and everyone else.
All that being said I recently have found myself in an ethical quandary. Do I stay and turn a blind eye to what I feel is wrong and possibly risk being called into question myself for doing what I was told? Or do I remove myself from the situation for my reputation, convictions, and careers sake? When you look at those two options the decision seems easy. But with each of those comes its own problem. Obviously the former has negative repercussions. The latter has negatives as well. If I resigned, I would run the risk of being without a job for an indefinite period of time, as I still have no concrete offers. In today's job market I could be cutting off my nose to spite my face. Interior design is a luxury service and the current economy has not been good to that profession. You can see my dilemma. As the weeks went on, I became more concerned and my consciences became more bothered. I started getting sick every morning before work and sometimes even at work. I dreaded going in every morning for fear of what new issue would develop.
As it so happened when all of these issues began to arise I had just started reading Genesis for my personal devotions. Reading a chapter a night, I began working through and seeking solace and comfort in the scriptures as I tried to decide what I should do. I prayed a lot, I sought wise council, and I prayed some more. I thought and worried and debated and prayed even more. As each day came more concerns and stresses arose until finally it all came to a head last Thursday. I knew I couldn't work here anymore. I knew I had to give my 2 week notice on Monday (today). I knew that I had an interview scheduled for Saturday at 10:30am in Chattanooga so there was some hope but no guarantee. And trust me all the thoughts that you had as your initial reaction to my announcement, I can assure you I thought of. How will I support myself? Am I really going to run the risk of living off of my parents and losing all of the independence that I grown accustom to and love? What am I supposed to do if I resign? Am I making a mistake? How can this be wise? How can I do anything but resign? All of these questions and fears and doubts are running through my head as I wash my face and brush my teeth. I don my pajamas and crawl into bed, my mind whirling. I grab my Bible and send up a quick prayer that was really all I could utter,"Oh boy." I open my Bible to where my ribbon was marked in Genesis. I was up to chapter 12. I sigh and settled in and began reading. Genesis 12:1 - "The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you..." No way. I read it again. “The LORD had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you..." Now I am not one to believe in omens. But I also don't believe in coincidences. What I do believe is that God uses His word to speak into His children's lives when they need it most. Something like that has never happened to me before. God knew and planned exactly what verse I would be at when I was struggling with this decision. I let out a laugh. Peace and a resolute will settle themselves in me. I know that this is indeed what I am supposed to do. I know that God just told me through His command to Abraham thousands of years ago. How could I ignore that?
The next day, I pack up and head to Chattanooga. I go to my interview fully expecting to be offered something. The interview goes well and ends on a positive note but with no offer. As I walk back to my car I am a little confused and doubt starts creeping in. Maybe it was just a coincidence after all. Maybe I am being crazy. I continued to reflect on my situation and also on Abraham's. He probably thought the exact same things I was thinking. "I am supposed to leave everything that I know and everyone that I love except for a few and I am just supposed to go out without knowing where I am going; without knowing how I will feed my family? Am I just supposed wander around till you tell me to stop? What if all there is out there is desert?" And all God says is "I will show you." But Abraham obeyed. I am sure he got flack for it too. I am sure his family and friends said, "Have you lost your mind?" "What are you thinking?" "Are you even thinking at all?" "There is security here. You can't just go out wandering around out there!" "You don't have a plan, you don't have a map. You are just going off what 'God told you'?" Abraham had no idea what he was doing either. He had no idea if he was going to be lead to a fertile land or a desert. He had no idea what the future held for him and his family.
Now, I am not saying that Chattanooga is the land flowing of milk and honey or that I am like Abraham and will have to change my name and I will have more descendants then can be counted. All I know is that I need to obey. This is God's will as far as He has revealed it to me through His word. But I am choosing and have chosen to trust Him and rely on His provision. So this morning without any job or back up plan I submitted my 2 weeks notice. I have no idea what the future holds. But I am trusting God to fill in the blanks.
So call me crazy, but that's whats going on. Please be praying for me!
TTFN
Rach
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