Because I have always felt called to be a wife (and a mom) I somehow thought switching from singleness to dating to engagement would have been an easy transition and that I would have fallen into my roll as dutiful and attentive fiancee right away. Well that is certainly not the case.
As I am sure a lot of you know I am a very independent person. I am also pretty spontaneous and like to do things on the fly. This is just fine for a single lady but for a fiancee, not so much. Several times in the last 5 months, I have been totally caught off guard by my own thoughtlessness towards my fiance. I forget to include him in my plans and keep him in the loop on my life at times. This seems like a simple enough thing right? Seems like a total "duh" moment right? Wrong, at least it wasn't obvious to me, apparently, or I would be better at remembering. I got an invitation to a cookout one night a couple of months ago now. I took a moment to consult my calendar and I saw that I was free so I quickly responded to the email in the affirmative. Later that evening my fiance and I were talking about the email and he said, "So am I going to go to this cookout too?" He said it sweetly but you could tell it had hurt him a little to not be consulted or even considered in my planning. "Oh, yeah. I mean I guess I forgot I am a "we" now." My fiance is an infinitely patient man, which is excellent news for me. There have been a few other times when I have forgotten to keep him in the loop or even consult him on things but he lovingly reminds me that I am not on my own anymore.
Most recently, I was having sort of a spiritual crisis, as I have mentioned in my last post. After communion on Sunday I was talking to my fiance about it. This was after I was feeling better and God had brought me back from my analyzing. I told my fiance that I had been having these issues and how much better I felt and he said, "Why didn't you tell me about this before?" It caught me off guard. "Satan wants to keep you in your head. That is where he can do the most damage when you don't have other Christians supporting you, especially me [as your future husband]." It really got me thinking, you know I never really thought about it but of anyone who should be hearing about my spiritual struggles it should be my future husband. I mean he is going to be my spiritual head. My spiritual health and well being is of utmost importance to him and it is kind of his responsibility. I guess it never really occurred to me because in my household growing up I never really saw my mom go to my dad for spiritual advice and the like. I know she did. I just never really witnessed it. So I guess it never really clicked for me as to what that looked like. My mom was really the go to person in our family for us kids for all things spiritual and wise. So it never really dawned on me to talk to my fiance when I started feeling spiritually defeated or when I started having doubts or started over analyzing my faith. Honestly, I can't think of a more qualified person to help me. He is incredibly knowledgeable. He has been well trained in Scripture. He is humble. He has a hundred strengths that counter balance my weaknesses. He is loving and patient and he has an amazing gift for calming me, drawing me back to reality, and showing me the truth of the Gospel and pointing me back to Christ. I am more blessed than I can say with the husband that God seen fit to send me. Further more, in coming to him, not only am I gaining strength for myself but I am also giving my husband honor and respect by showing him that I value his thoughts and his advice. I am giving him the consideration he deserves and that he is entitled to as my spiritual head. So really it is a win win situation when I get my head on straight.
This will definitely take some getting used to for sure. It will take practice on my part and patience on his. But one of the most wonderful things about being in a relationship like this is the freedom to work on these things together. Figuring out a relationship at this level is hard work. It can be incredibly frustrating at times and exhausting too but it is the most beautiful and most rewarding work I have ever had the pleasure of doing. I am absolutely loving figuring out how to be the kind of fiancee my man needs and how I can be the best wife for him after November 2nd.
God is so good and I am incredibly blessed!
TTFN
Rachel
Yes, my dear, it is a continual work in progress. But the joys and blessings far out weigh the work and you become closer to your husband in a way you never thought possible with another human being. One of our favorite passages in scripture as a couple is Ecclesiastes 4:9-11. Our adopted version (as you may have heard us or our kids say from time to time is "Two are better than one..." - but the complete passage states: "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Matthew Henry's comments on the last part of verse 11 are so beautiful. He states, "Two together he compares to a threefold cord; for where two are closely joined in holy love and fellowship, Christ will by his Spirit come to them, and make the third, as he joined himself to the two disciples going to Emmaus, and then there is a threefold cord that can never be broken. They that dwell in love, dwell in God, and God in them."
ReplyDeleteLove you much, Angie (Mom #2)