Lesson #4: Calling Does Not Equal Easy

For some reason I had the strange impression that because I felt called to be a wife that it would be a natural lifestyle to fall into.  I thought I would just naturally find joy in all of the little things that go into being a wife.  Cooking, cleaning, laundry, you know that stuff.  I didn't think it would be easy having two sinners living in the same house but I thought I would at least be a natural at wifely duties.  And then reality hit. I think it mostly had to do with the fact that I was still not ready to give up my single lifestyle that I had grown accustomed too.  Cooking a meal for my husband got to be more and more of an annoyance than a joy. I longed for the days when having a sandwich for dinner was acceptable. Coming up with ideas for a well balanced delicious meal every night after getting off work soon became something I dreaded and tried to avoid.  It didn't help that I went through a spurt of really bad cooking ventures which put the kibosh on all the delusions of grandeur I had about being a great chef and that ended in frustration and eating cereal for dinner.  A mini lesson here. Always have cereal and milk on hand.  I longed for the days when I didn't have to do laundry if I didn't feel like it.  I had enough underwear to last me a month so if on a weekend I wanted to be lazy and ignore the laundry I could. No one was there to care but me.  If I wanted to skip the vacuuming one week so what!  I didn't have any pets to clean up after who was to tell. Spray some Frebreeze and it was good as new.  I didn't really think I needed to mourn it but I know now I should have savored those little bits and that stage of life.  It was easy.  It was the independence.  It was the epitome of the Frank Sinatra song "I Did It My Way!".  If I wanted to be selfish I could and no one would really be the wiser.  My sin could be secret.  And that right there is why being a wife isn't natural for me. I like being selfish.  I like doing it my way.

I think that is precisely why God called me to the life of a wife.  I thought I was called because I would be good at it.  God gives us gifts and talents and opens doors for us to use those gifts for sure to bring about His glory and our good.  But that doesn't mean we don't need Him to accomplish it.  Where do you think those gifts and talents came from in the first place?  There are definitely days where I delight in being a wife.  Please don't think I hate it!  It is challenging for sure but it is even more of a blessing than I could describe to you. He calls us because He can use us.  But He also calls us because we need it.  I need a crash course in dying to self.  I need a daily dose in humility.  I need a reality check with my sin.  I need to be reminded everyday that what little sacrifices I concede are nothing compared to the wondrous sacrifice of my Savior.  I need the picture before me of Christ's patience and selfless love for me.  I need that grace that is so natural to Him in order for my sin nature to be quieted.  I am not a natural at sacrificing my time, my energy, my resources for the good and blessing of another, which is really the life of a wife and husband for that matter. In fact, it goes against my nature as a sinful human.  But I am still called to be a wife.  My calling isn't based on my ability and my works is it?  Christ came to die for that sinful human nature of mine that I still cling to so desperately at times.  He conquered my sin when He took my place on the cross in order that I would be reconciled to God.  He paid a precious price for my messy heart and He is redeeming me daily.  Slowly but surely through marriage He is refining me into His image by not letting me do it my way.  Instead He lovingly woos me with His amazing grace, compels me with His unfailing love, commands me with His perfect holiness, empowers me with the Holy Spirit to do it His way!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. - Philippians 2:3-4