Codependency

In my book study on Tuesday nights some girlfriends and I have been going through the book "When People Are Big And God Is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man" by Edward Welch.  The entire book talks about the fear of man.  At first I wondered how relevant the book would be for me because I always prided myself on the fact that I never really cared what people thought of me.  I never really worried about pleasing people.  I'm pretty confident in most circumstances.  So when I read the description of the book and about how it would help me get over my fear of people I was a little confused.  But knowing how God works I knew that I would learn plenty from reading it and if not then maybe the book would be a benefit for someone else in the group.  After all it is not all about me.  As we started delving into the book I quickly realized how appropriate this book is for me.  Although the majority of my life is not spent in peer pressure or in a fear of man, although more and more I am learning that many of my thoughts and actions that get me the most frustrated and into trouble have to do with an essence of this, the real culprit is codependency.  For those of you who know me this might come as quite a surprise.  I am a very independent person by nature.  I like to do things for myself. I don't like to ask for help. I enjoy concurring tasks by myself and I don't need anyone to get the job done.  On an external level this is very true.  I am a doer.  I am a fixer.  I ask people for advice not permission.  I am woman hear me roar.  When it comes to actions I am far from codependent. Now that I have properly beat my chest and done my Rosie the Riveter pose lets get to the heart of it, literally.

When it comes to matters of the heart I am a complete contradiction.  My heart craves desperately to be loved by those that I love.  For those few people that I allow into my world, my real world, there is a tremendous burden placed on them. Unbeknownst to them ,I am constantly analyzing their love for me.  Is it real?  Do they love someone else more? Do I really matter to them?  Do they love me as much as I love them? Are they going to desert me when I make a mistake or am not what they expect?  In this deep part of my heart there is a whole other me that few people ever see.  I am confident and carefree in most situations and sometimes that in genuine.  But when it comes to people that I care about it is a whole other story.  This doesn't just end with my earthly relationships either.  My relationship with God is stained with this desperate need and crippling doubt.  

So why share this? Here. In such a public forum where I know multiple people will read this?  Well, they say the first step in overcoming a problem is admitting you have one.  And this blog from the very beginning was to preach the Gospel to myself and to use my life as encouragement to others.  Because odds are there is someone else out there reading this going "Oh my gosh, me too!"  And to you, friend and my own heart I say in the words of Paul,

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith[b] into this grace in which we stand, and we[c] rejoice[d] in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. 11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." ~ Romans 5:1-11

With such rich promises from the very word of God! These are promises for His children!  And if you haven't come to Him these promises can be yours! God is where real lasting perfect love is!  God is love!  It is free!  Those fears I listed before lets look at them again in light of this Scripture.  Is it real? Yes! Does He love some else more? How could He love me more? Do I really matter to Him? How could I not matter to Him when He sent His Son to die in my place! Does He love me as much as I love Him? He loves me more than I could ever love Him because He loves me perfectly! Is He going to desert me when I make a mistake or am not what He expects?  Guess what! Nothing surprises Him! He knows my inmost being and He has forgiven me and loves me in spite of it! 

So when I doubt my number one turn is to the Scripture where there are endless promises and truths about where I really stand with God and people.  Because of Christ's sacrifice I have peace with God.  Not because of who I am or what I can offer it is because of Christ's perfect life and willing death on my behalf!  If that doesn't inspire confidence and security I don't know what will!  In the end I am still dependent.  I am 100% completely dependent on Christ! And I am completely okay with that!

TTFN!

REM

SWF seeking GOD - #1 Getting Fit

Proverbs 31:17 "She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong."

Now, that might not have been the passage that you were expecting.  To be honest this is one that I didn't really notice until the other night when I was trying to think of what to write about in this post.  I pulled out my Bible and read good old Proverbs 31, always a good kick in the pants, right?  Here I am reading and I come to that little verse, just 10 simple words.  Well, it got my attention for the first time, after I don't know how many times of reading this passage of Scripture.  

The Proverbs 31 woman works out?  Really?  I mean, yeah, she is running around taking care of everyone and everything and getting stuff done but she actually exercises?  I had never thought of that before.  I mean I knew that is was good to stay in shape and be active to stay healthy.  After all, your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.  But for me, at least, I never really paid attention to exercise and physical strength being part of a Proverbs 31 woman.  Well, needless to say, this is definitely something that an SWF can do.  Now the problem is doing it.  Yes, I will admit it for all the world to know! I AM LAZY!  There I said it! I enjoy sitting around on my backside doing anything but working out or burning calories.  Back in Lynchburg, among my RUF friends, I was famous for saying to all of their many pleas to go hiking with them, that I hate walking up hill, I just don't do it.  Now thankfully, walking up hill is not the only way to get in shape but I probably wouldn't mind walking up hill so much if I did other things to keep up hill hiking an easier and generally less wretched experience **please note all RUF friends reading this that the exertion was the only thing wretched about hiking with you.  I love you all dearly :)  

So, my encouragement and challenge for all of you Proverbs 31 women in training.  Get out there do some walking, pick up running, do some sit ups, lift some weights.  I am not saying you need to pull out the P90X but at least do some P31 :)  You will feel great! You will look awesome!  You will have energy! And who knows you might actually have some fun too!  Here is a list of what I am trying to get in the habit of doing in case you might be at a loss of where to start.

**Because I have to: Please consult a medical professional before starting any of these exercises listed.  I have no idea what you should and should not do for your own health.  This is just what I personally do and what I have experience doing from gymnastics and volleyball.  So now that you can't sue me . . . 

1.  Stretching is good! This is a great way to relax before bed and work out all the kicks of the day.  Also works to tone your muscles and gives you some pretty sweet flexibility!  Splits are great party tricks, provided you can get back up from them.

2. Start walking briskly or running if you dare.  I personally want to die every time I run but you might like it.  Unless, I am being chased with a deadly weapon, sorry I will walk off my burgers and fries, thank you very much.  It's one of the easiest things you can do to burn calories.  

3. Do some crunches or ab twists as I like to call them. This is where you basically get in a half reclined sit up position and reach your left arm over to your right side and touch the floor and then your right arm to the left side and touch the floor.  Repeat a few reps and you will feel a great burn all over your abs!

4. Push ups! Even if its the girlie ones! It's ok, I won't tell if you won't.  

5. Backwards push ups for lack of a better name. Place your hands on the edge of your couch with your back to the couch. Stretch your feet out in front of you and lower yourself until your butt almost touches the ground and then raise back up.  Repeat a few reps and your arms will be killing you...in a good way!

So go gird yourself! That sounds awful...uh just have fun getting fit! :)

TTFN~

REE