Lesson #4: Calling Does Not Equal Easy

For some reason I had the strange impression that because I felt called to be a wife that it would be a natural lifestyle to fall into.  I thought I would just naturally find joy in all of the little things that go into being a wife.  Cooking, cleaning, laundry, you know that stuff.  I didn't think it would be easy having two sinners living in the same house but I thought I would at least be a natural at wifely duties.  And then reality hit. I think it mostly had to do with the fact that I was still not ready to give up my single lifestyle that I had grown accustomed too.  Cooking a meal for my husband got to be more and more of an annoyance than a joy. I longed for the days when having a sandwich for dinner was acceptable. Coming up with ideas for a well balanced delicious meal every night after getting off work soon became something I dreaded and tried to avoid.  It didn't help that I went through a spurt of really bad cooking ventures which put the kibosh on all the delusions of grandeur I had about being a great chef and that ended in frustration and eating cereal for dinner.  A mini lesson here. Always have cereal and milk on hand.  I longed for the days when I didn't have to do laundry if I didn't feel like it.  I had enough underwear to last me a month so if on a weekend I wanted to be lazy and ignore the laundry I could. No one was there to care but me.  If I wanted to skip the vacuuming one week so what!  I didn't have any pets to clean up after who was to tell. Spray some Frebreeze and it was good as new.  I didn't really think I needed to mourn it but I know now I should have savored those little bits and that stage of life.  It was easy.  It was the independence.  It was the epitome of the Frank Sinatra song "I Did It My Way!".  If I wanted to be selfish I could and no one would really be the wiser.  My sin could be secret.  And that right there is why being a wife isn't natural for me. I like being selfish.  I like doing it my way.

I think that is precisely why God called me to the life of a wife.  I thought I was called because I would be good at it.  God gives us gifts and talents and opens doors for us to use those gifts for sure to bring about His glory and our good.  But that doesn't mean we don't need Him to accomplish it.  Where do you think those gifts and talents came from in the first place?  There are definitely days where I delight in being a wife.  Please don't think I hate it!  It is challenging for sure but it is even more of a blessing than I could describe to you. He calls us because He can use us.  But He also calls us because we need it.  I need a crash course in dying to self.  I need a daily dose in humility.  I need a reality check with my sin.  I need to be reminded everyday that what little sacrifices I concede are nothing compared to the wondrous sacrifice of my Savior.  I need the picture before me of Christ's patience and selfless love for me.  I need that grace that is so natural to Him in order for my sin nature to be quieted.  I am not a natural at sacrificing my time, my energy, my resources for the good and blessing of another, which is really the life of a wife and husband for that matter. In fact, it goes against my nature as a sinful human.  But I am still called to be a wife.  My calling isn't based on my ability and my works is it?  Christ came to die for that sinful human nature of mine that I still cling to so desperately at times.  He conquered my sin when He took my place on the cross in order that I would be reconciled to God.  He paid a precious price for my messy heart and He is redeeming me daily.  Slowly but surely through marriage He is refining me into His image by not letting me do it my way.  Instead He lovingly woos me with His amazing grace, compels me with His unfailing love, commands me with His perfect holiness, empowers me with the Holy Spirit to do it His way!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. - Philippians 2:3-4

Waiting On God's Timing

I feel like every couple of months I am writing this blog post.  There are slight variants in the story line but the ultimate idea is still the same. God’s plans aren’t my own and a lot of times I am not ok with that. It is getting easier to let go of those plans that slip through my fingers, especially when it has to do with something that I wanted for myself.  This time it was different.  This time it wasn’t about me.  This time it was my husband’s dreams that got put on hold yet again. 

As many of you know my husband and I both have a strong desire and call to be in full time ministry.  It is where our heart lies and it has been a huge focus of our marriage.  I have been given a phenomenal opportunity to minister to some of our church’s high school girls.  It has been a wonderful experience and I love seeing what God is doing in their lives.  Working full time can make getting involved in their lives difficult but so far I have been able to make it work thanks to God’s work. Mark is another story.  Working full time until 8:00 p.m. every night and also being in school can make it very difficult for ministry.  It takes the meaning of intentionality to a whole other level.  This was a season in our life.  There were a lot of questions as to how to work out seminary and how to balance work and ministry in the meantime.  It makes it frustrating waiting but our prayers for answers were partnered with prayers for patience. 

Last month we heard of an amazing opportunity.  A church in our city was looking for a youth and family director.  It was a full time position. It included benefits. It would be getting involved with families not just being a daycare for youth on Sunday nights. It would be organizing youth trips, mission trips, family retreats. It had the potential for a seminary stipend.  Bit by bit it seemed as we found out more information that it would be perfect and it would be the answer to all of the prayers and questions we had.  So we applied. We didn’t get it.  As I was praying for this to be the job I was also praying that we would be accepting and willing to let God’s will be done and not fight against whatever the answer might be for our marriage.  It was hard to pray those prayers. It is even harder to live those prayers. While my heart is disappointed it is not broken. I am learning that God is very active in the lives of His children.  I know deep down that whatever God has in store is better than what we could imagine. But it is still hard to see the disappointment on the face of the one you love. It is hard to know that after waiting for so long to do what he has so much passion for he will have to wait longer still. 

Mark took the news better than me.  His unwavering faith in God’s sovereignty and desire for God’s will is such a ministry and example to me. It gives me comfort and strength to be reminded by my husband’s faith of God's goodness.  So while we wait God is drawing us together.  While we wait God is working in our lives. While we wait we are doing what we can to fulfill God’s call even though for now it can only be part time. While we wait we continue to pray for opportunities and for doors to open.  

God is good. He is at work.

Much love,

Rachel 

Home ownership continues!

We have been busy little bees and I think we are getting settled into a routine.  We are completely unpacked except for that one closet that will probably be in every house we live in for the rest of our lives.  You know that closet.  I am sure you have one or two.  It is full of that stuff that you really should have gone through before you moved and pitched most if not everything in there.  At the time of the move, however, you found yourself completely lacking in energy or motivation and so you just threw it in the nearest box and called it a day vowing to go through it as soon as you got everything else unpacked.  Yeah...best intentions.

So far we have:

1. Painted the living room.

2. Painted the dining room.

3. Plainted the hallway.

(thanks to my awesome father-in-law who happily came down and helped us blitz the house before we moved in)

4. Ripped up the carpet in those rooms.

5. Laid down new thresholds for the bed rooms.

6. Ripped off the wood paneling in the 3rd bedroom.

7. Re-patched a poor patch job in the living room floor left by an old floor vent.

8. Hung curtains in the living room and temporary ones in the dining room (will be making new ones for the dining room)

9. Started painting the master bedroom

10. Converted master bathroom tub into a shower...sorta? Funny story to come on that.

11. Skim coated the nail holes and the seam lines in the 3rd bedroom (prepping for painting)

12. We ripped out the front landscaping.

13. We replaced old shrubberies with knock-out roses and azaleas

14. Replaced the mailbox with a new black and white cedar mailbox.

15. Planted some purple and orange flowers (I have no clue on the names...I'm such a green thumb, I know)

16. We mulched the beds in the front. 

17. Tilled up garden beds and planted tomatoes and peppers.

18. Trimmed back trees and shrubs in the back yard.

19. Planted poppies in the side yard.

20. Added chair rail to the dining room.

21. Changed out some of the face plates of outlets. 

Shew! The "To Do" list is getting shorter! It is pretty exciting though and Mark and I both absolutely love keeping house and making everything ours.  It is tiring, but it is a good kind of tired that is really satisfying when we lay our heads down at night.

So funny story about that shower I was talking about.  We had just added the shower head in our master bathroom. It was still a work in progress so we had removed the handle on the faucet (planning on updating the fixtures) but it worked.   I was taking a nice hot shower. I reached my hand towards the spigot to turn off the water and my hand got this weird numbing, tingling sensation and it kind of ached.  I pulled my hand back and paused trying to figure out what was going on.  I reached out again and the pain increased.  I jump out of the shower as it registered that I was feeling an electrical current coming out of the spigot! So after some charged tests we realized that there was a ground wire that was charging the metal in the shower and oddly enough the toilet as well! No wonder Mark and I had been shocking each other and the dogs every time we touched! What the crap?! So needless to say we are very very thankful that we have a second bathroom because in my estimation that shower is OUT OF COMMISSION!  My brave husband still uses it but I refuse! I look forward to the day when we get it fixed though.  

Here are some pictures of the progress we have made so far : ) ENJOY!  We sure do!

Master Bedroom with color

lots of piles of brush

Exterior before

Exterior after

Guest room

Living room view 1

Living room view 2

Living room view 3

This week has slowed down some so I am going to try to post again before the week is out to talk a little more on the spiritual side of my life and some of the amazing opportunities and real treats God has brought to me.  But for now,

TTFN!

REM