Lesson #5: Loving In Spite

Yesterday I found myself jotting down a list of the things I love about my husband.  This is a little exercise I like putting myself through to keep my favorite qualities about him at the front of my mind.  The usual suspects were on the list: kind, funny, thoughtful, patient, etc. As the list grew attributes about my husband kept popping up that I would think about but they didn't make the list. When those arose I rather magnanimously thought to myself, Well, I love him anyway.  After I had collected a dozen or so things I went back to my day feeling pretty contented.  As my day progressed, however, I couldn't stop thinking about that one little thought "Well, I love him anyway." It is a very common idiom to love someone in spite of their flaws, or to love someone in spite of those things that don't really make you happy.  After all as 1 Peter 4:8 says, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  I began thinking again to those qualities that didn't make the cut for my list and do you know that only one or two of those things could have even remotely been classified as sinful?  I began wondering to what extent my love actually covered. 

I have always fancied the idea of doing things in spite of something. That just struck me as a little defiant and wild and I love it. Can you tell I have a rebellious streak? I was well aware, having grown up in church that love does not keep any record of wrongs, that it bears all things (1 Cor. 13:4-8) and that it has the power cover sin (John 3:16, 1 Peter 4:8). But thinking about these verses that talk about loving in spite are talking about sins. That is talking about forgiveness.  There is a difference in sin and flaws.  Sin is just that.  Actual, real, holy law breaking sins.  Flaws, as I am using the word for the purpose of this post, are perceived offenses to a persons sense of approved characteristics.  Love does not cover annoyances, personality differences, idiosyncrasies, and the like.  So then what do you do with it?  As I meditated on these verses I started to realize that my love covered the easy stuff. My love covers the nice things; the things that fit into my idea of good; the things that make me feel warm and fuzzy; the things that conform to the rules of MY kingdom.  What kind of a love is that? Was I really so arrogant to think that I was somehow doing my husband a favor by looking past those faults and foibles?  You see the thing about loving someone in spite of themselves, it automatically puts the lover in a position of great power and when grace and humility combine to use that power for forgiveness you have a taste of glory.  Loving someone in spite of their sin is beautiful.  It is grace. It is mercy. It is holy. It is necessary. But the real question is not, "Do I love my husband in spite of himself" but, "Do I love my husband in spite of myself?"  It is harder to love someone in spite of myself. In spite of my selfishness, my pride, my inpatients, my temper, my sin here is a man whom God has given me to show Christ to.  In order to love him, really love him I have to let go.  I have to admit I don't have goodness figured out.  I have to admit that my idea of perfection is not a perfect one.  I have to confess that I want to fool myself into thinking I am better than I am.  To love my husband I have to be willing to lay down my kingdom, my life for the glory of God.  

Love is a choice.  It is not an easy choice because it costs. 

"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

On my own I can't pay that.  Relying on my own strength and desire for self improvement I can't and won't pay the price for holiness.  I can pay the cost only because Someone else paid it first.  Only because of Another am I even able to hope that I will succeed at this even sometimes.  Real love costs.  Christ was willing to pay the ultimate price, His very life, for a people who were his enemies because He REALLY loves us.  God came and humbled Himself and became man to show just how great His love was for me and for you. Because of this truth we have hope.  I have hope.  That God, who began a good work in you will continue it unto completion.  So by the very power of Christ Himself through the gift of the Holy Spirit, I can say with confidence that in spite of myself I will seek to really love my husband as my God so loves me.

God is at work! Hallelujah!
REM

EWF seeking GOD: My grace is sufficient for you...

When I sat down to write this blog I wasn't really sure where I wanted to go with it.  The last few days have been a jumble of thoughts and emotions.  The one word that kept springing to my head as I looked back on the events of this last week was grace.  I will spare the details for privacy's sake but suffice it to say that a tragic loss occurred in my fiance's family this week.  It rocked my new family to the core.  When my fiance got the phone call late Tuesday evening, my heart broke and went into a tail spin.  "What am I supposed to do?" "What is my role?" "How can I help?" "How can I comfort?" "How do I make the pain go away?" "How do I wipe the sadness from his eyes?" I felt helpless. I felt at a loss.  I felt weak.  These people that I loved so much were hurting and I could do nothing to stop it.  I instantly began praying, "God what can I do? Show me what to do!" I should have realized I was thinking and praying completely wrong.  The reoccurring word that kept popping up in every avenue was "I" and "me".  What in the world can I possibly do? I can't reverse time. I have never been through anything like this. I don't have insight or wisdom. I can't heal hurts nor can I change hearts. What was I thinking? I was thinking I had to DO something. I was thinking it was up to me.


So, here I sat trying to wrap my head around this crazy week and put into words what has been spinning around in my heart and these verses came to mind.  "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, ESV) I am weak. I am helpless. I am at a loss.  But His grace is sufficient.  His grace steps in where I fail.  His grace moves in and takes over where I can do nothing.  His grace is what changes everything! Not me. Not my strength or my ability or my right words or my well timed hug.  None of that has any power without being bathed in His grace.  As a well loved minister from my past used to say, "Grace has a way of overflowing and splashing out over all those whom you come into contact with."  Instead of praying for the right thing to do or for the right words to say I should have been praying that the healing grace, which is mine through Jesus Christ, would overflow and shower my hurting family and that they would be able to taste the sweetness of Christ in spite of the bitterness of sin, especially to those hurting who might not yet know Him.  


Thankfully, God is not reliant on my cooperation.  Thankfully, God accomplishes His will whether I sanction it or not.  Praise God that He works continually with and through my weakness.  Praise God that His power is perfection. My prayer is that I will be able to say with Paul I am content in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  Because God is my strength and my portion.  Sinclair Ferguson said in a sermon I recently listened to, He supplies me my daily bread. And His mercy and grace are fresh and enough for each day.  I pray that His mercy and grace will be poured out on my new family and that Christ would be made evident to them through this and above that through all of this His name would be praised.  


I am weak but I AM is strong.


Hallelujah!
Rachel