Mile Marker 23 and Post #100!

It has been another year.  My annual birthday post is here again.  As you know there has been a lot that God has fit into this year.  I am so blessed!  God is continuing to teach me so much about his grace and mercy and I look forward to seeing all that is ahead of us.  This hymn pretty much sums up my year.

“Great is Thy faithfulness,” O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

“Great is Thy faithfulness!” “Great is Thy faithfulness!“
 Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
“Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpRCClg8pEY

God is at work :)

REM

Waiting On God's Timing

I feel like every couple of months I am writing this blog post.  There are slight variants in the story line but the ultimate idea is still the same. God’s plans aren’t my own and a lot of times I am not ok with that. It is getting easier to let go of those plans that slip through my fingers, especially when it has to do with something that I wanted for myself.  This time it was different.  This time it wasn’t about me.  This time it was my husband’s dreams that got put on hold yet again. 

As many of you know my husband and I both have a strong desire and call to be in full time ministry.  It is where our heart lies and it has been a huge focus of our marriage.  I have been given a phenomenal opportunity to minister to some of our church’s high school girls.  It has been a wonderful experience and I love seeing what God is doing in their lives.  Working full time can make getting involved in their lives difficult but so far I have been able to make it work thanks to God’s work. Mark is another story.  Working full time until 8:00 p.m. every night and also being in school can make it very difficult for ministry.  It takes the meaning of intentionality to a whole other level.  This was a season in our life.  There were a lot of questions as to how to work out seminary and how to balance work and ministry in the meantime.  It makes it frustrating waiting but our prayers for answers were partnered with prayers for patience. 

Last month we heard of an amazing opportunity.  A church in our city was looking for a youth and family director.  It was a full time position. It included benefits. It would be getting involved with families not just being a daycare for youth on Sunday nights. It would be organizing youth trips, mission trips, family retreats. It had the potential for a seminary stipend.  Bit by bit it seemed as we found out more information that it would be perfect and it would be the answer to all of the prayers and questions we had.  So we applied. We didn’t get it.  As I was praying for this to be the job I was also praying that we would be accepting and willing to let God’s will be done and not fight against whatever the answer might be for our marriage.  It was hard to pray those prayers. It is even harder to live those prayers. While my heart is disappointed it is not broken. I am learning that God is very active in the lives of His children.  I know deep down that whatever God has in store is better than what we could imagine. But it is still hard to see the disappointment on the face of the one you love. It is hard to know that after waiting for so long to do what he has so much passion for he will have to wait longer still. 

Mark took the news better than me.  His unwavering faith in God’s sovereignty and desire for God’s will is such a ministry and example to me. It gives me comfort and strength to be reminded by my husband’s faith of God's goodness.  So while we wait God is drawing us together.  While we wait God is working in our lives. While we wait we are doing what we can to fulfill God’s call even though for now it can only be part time. While we wait we continue to pray for opportunities and for doors to open.  

God is good. He is at work.

Much love,

Rachel 

Confessions of A Chatty Wife!

Gosh, I love typing that word.  Wife.  It holds so much meaning, so many responsibilities, so much joy, a few frustrations, and countless blessings!  As my husband said last night, "It's not always easy but it's always good." It has been a very natural transition.  One of our friends asked us at the wedding if we felt any different.  Mark and I just looked at each other and said "No, it feels like things are finally how they should be."  Living on separate ends of town, in separate homes, living partially separate lives felt more unnatural than marriage.

Behind the Scenes on the Big Day!

So I should start off with telling you that my wedding present from my husband was to get a hotel room for my mother and I to spend the last night of my singleness bonding and catching up since planning the wedding been so all consuming for me the last few months.  I know, AWWWWW, right?  It was really a fun and special time with my mom that I will always remember and I am so thankful to my husband for making that happen.  So the night before the wedding mom and I stayed up late talking and laughing.  

And then...

My day started off VERY early thanks to my very...proactive mother.  You should know, Mama, that I can laugh about it now. At 4:00am, the morning of my wedding, my phone battery began to die and beeped to alert me.  I woke up and turned my phone off so it wouldn't wake Mom.  She was already awake, however, and no sooner had I turned my phone off than I heard her say. "Are you ready to get up?"  At FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING?! Haha. See I am laughing. Haha. She graciously allowed me to sleep 3 more hours and then it was over. "We have stuff we have to do.  We have to go fill up the cars and run over to the cabin and pick stuff up and then we have to get to your hair appointment." Keep in mind my hair appointment was at 10, which was on purpose so that I could sleep in a little before...but that was not meant to be, sigh.  We filled up the cars and got over to the cabin a little before 8.  So we waited around for an hour and a half.  9:30 finally rolled around so we left, stopping at Dunkin Donuts to grab some much needed coffee, on the way. 

And so it begins!

Making progress

End product!

The morning ended up being really fun.  We all sat and talked while my AMAZING hair stylist worked.  After my hair was done we all headed to the venue.  

When we arrived people were already there hard at work!  I was completely blown away by all of my family and friends that came out to help set up!  Everywhere I looked people were busy setting up tables and chairs putting together center pieces, unloading decorations, setting up sound equipment.  It was incredibly humbling and I could never thank all those people who helped enough!  It would not have happened without you!  I am so thankful for God's provision through you.  I have never felt so loved!  After answering a few questions and delegating to my amazingly talented and capable family and friends, I was off to get ready. 

It was really crazy just how incredibly relaxed and chill I was.  I have seen and hear of those brides who are completely crazy on the day of their wedding but not me.  Literally NOTHING could wrile me.  While getting ready I get a text. My photographer is stuck in traffic and will be late.  Not a big deal.  I had already weathered my fiance's car breaking down on the way to work (which has a not so small bill attached to it) and 3 out of my 4 bridesmaids getting stuck in an elevator for 16 whole minutes earlier in the week.  

The infamous elevator...but we are smiling!

I could handle traffic.  A few minutes later I get a phone call.  My fiance and 3 of his groomsmen just got a flat tire on the way to the venue and were stranded on the side of the road.  

Thankfully, Drew was wearing his life preserver.

Calling for back up...

Last minute touchs on the guest book that turned out awesome!

And they all made it safely and Stephen didn't get his shirt diry.

So glad my brother-in-law got pictures of this!  No big deal.  Off my uncle's went to fetch them.  Miraculously, through the whole process of the tire we found some decorations that had been MIA.  See, God provided!  

My amazing and wonderful photographer arrived! Pictures will be coming.  She was snapping pictures left and right.  Then she asked if she could borrow the dress to get some pictures of it outside.  "Sure go ahead!"  We are all still getting all dolled up.  When she returns with the dress I hear my Matron of Honor gasp! "Oh no! Look at the front of the dress!!!" I turn around and burst out laughing.  The entire bust of the dress is COVERED in black dirt!  My photographer has this look of sheer horror on her face and looks like she is about to throw up.  No big deal.  "It is totally fine!  It is just a dress!  I'm sure it will come out!" With a wet rag and a little elbow grease my photographer cleaned it right up.  You would never have known!  See, God provided!

I will stop there for now because I want to make sure that you have pictures to go along with the rest of my day you will have to wait for that.  I also need to go back to doing laundry, go grocery shopping, tidying up, grabbing a few things still left over at my apartment, etc.  

TTFN!

Rachel Miller

Wedding Project #6: T - 14 days!!!!

Oh my word, guys!  I can hardly believe it!  This time last year I was job hunting, praying that I would find something that would keep me in this new town.  And today, I am picking up my wedding dress!  Could you have imagined it?  I certainly couldn't have!  God is incredible! 

So, my last post was not the typical wedding preparation post.  I get that.  Since I wrote that post I have been doing even more praying and I know that y'all have as well.  Thank you!  I began praying very specifically for God to relieve the anxiety, the over analyzing, and the attacks for just a couple of weeks so that I could actually have joy and be excited again.  So that I could revel in the last few days leading up to my wedding and have the anticipation and hope and joy that every bride is supposed to feel!  This is the beginning of a new stage in our lives and this is the beginning of something special and ordained by God.  Everything is done for our good.  Sometimes we can see it and sometimes we can't and this is the time that I should be able to revel in tasting and seeing that the Lord is good.  I want to thank y'all for your prayers!  They have been felt and I am happy to report have been answered!  God has seen fit to allow me the joy that this time warrants and I have been loving these last few days.  I won't lie and say that I don't still have bad days.  But they are fewer and farther between now and the excitement and anticipation is palpable! 

We have started pre-marital counseling and that has been invaluable even just the 2 sessions we have had so far.  It is wonderful having a pastor who is objective that can look at our relationship and encourage the strengths and warn us against pitfalls.  I think that has also been very influential in reminding me just how good this is.

I have pretty much confirmed everything with everybody. I am in the process of making final payments and what not.  Everything is going very smoothly.  It is an odd sensation to know that the wedding is only 2 weeks away.  I keep thinking I am doing everything WAY to early but NOPE! It is about time I got cracking on all the finishing details! 

Please keep the prayers coming!  Pray that everything will go smoothly, that the joy will remain, that everyone will travel safely, and that our marriage would be one that people look at and see Christ.  Also pray for my sanity.  Between church responsibilities, work, wedding, and countless other little things I need as much mental fortitude as I can get.  Much love to all!  I will try to post again before the wedding but I really can't make any promises, haha!

TTFN
The Future Mrs. Miller

Confessions of A Chatty Girl: The Last Year...

It's my birthday again!!! Yep, that's right.  Another year has gone by and it has been a full one.  The craziness started with quiting my job and moving to Chattanooga completely on faith trusting that God would provide everything I would need and it hasn't stopped since. Once I moved here there was a lot of adjustments which I am still getting used to.  I had to realize that Chattanooga was not Lynchburg.  Covenant was not Mercy.  My friends here were not my friends back in Lynchburg.  In the first few months of living here there was definite doubts and homesickness.  I missed my mom and dad.  I missed my church.  I missed my friends.  I missed the familiarity of my surroundings.  I missed knowing a town like the back of my hand.  I missed my comfort zone. I can't lie and say that there aren't times when I get homesick or I miss certain things about my prior life in Virginia but now I don't doubt for a minute that this is definitely where God wants me.

In just the very short 8 months that I have been in Tennessee I have learned a lot about myself and about different sins that I had yet to identify.  Being in a new place with new people and new situations has brought to light a lot of things about myself that I didn't know.  For instense, until I moved here I prided myself on what I called southern charm.  I thought that was a great asset and a wonderful trait until I realized what the second half of the definition was,

           South-ern charm (srn chärm): n

                 The art of making someone feel special, welcomed, loved, and/or appreciated when in their company, even though one secretly dislikes, mocks, or gossips about them when not in their company.

Turns out Southern Charm isn't so charming afterall. The real trait and asset I needed to be cultivating was charm that is born out of genuine Christ-like love for others and is therefore missing that second half in its definition. That is just called the Gospel lived out.  God has brought into my awareness how I was decieving myself in thinking I really loved people when all I really was doing was being fake.  By God's grace He has made me aware of this tendency in my life.  Please be praying with me as I see to be moulded by the Gospel in this very specific area.  

One of the biggest tools that God has used to besides a change of scenary has been my future husband.  It is amazing how being in such a close relationship with someone can highlight so many sins in your life and even just strange oddities about your personality that you didn't know you had.  Until he came along I thought I was selfless and humble.  I thought I was practical and easy-going.  It hasn't been all bad obviously the things he has brought out in me though.  I thought I would have a hard time submitting to anyone's headship other than my father's.  I thought I was afraid of commitment.  I thought I was to independent to ever really be married.  I thought peers were the only people group I could minister to.  

This year has been a learning experience for sure.  My 20th year was far different from my 21st.  My 21st will be far different from my 22nd.  I have had to trust God in ways and at depths I didn't think possible.  I have had triumphs and set backs.  I have had exciting changes and terrifying ones.  I have had times of being scared out of my mind and times of complete peace and security in who God is and what He is capable of.  God continues to prove Himself faithful.  As I have said before the future is unknown its scary and exciting all at once.  One thing is for sure though.  No matter what is ahead in year 22 I know that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  And you can take that to the bank.

So happy birthday to me and heres to another year of discovering how God is going to use me!

TTFN

Rachel

EWF seeking GOD: Unexpected Challenges

Because I have always felt called to be a wife (and a mom) I somehow thought switching from singleness to dating to engagement would have been an easy transition and that I would have fallen into my roll as dutiful and attentive fiancee right away.  Well that is certainly not the case.

As I am sure a lot of you know I am a very independent person.  I am also pretty spontaneous and like to do things on the fly.  This is just fine for a single lady but for a fiancee, not so much.  Several times in the last 5 months, I have been totally caught off guard by my own thoughtlessness towards my fiance.  I forget to include him in my plans and keep him in the loop on my life at times.  This seems like a simple enough thing right? Seems like a total "duh" moment right?  Wrong, at least it wasn't obvious to me, apparently, or I would be better at remembering.  I got an invitation to a cookout one night a couple of months ago now.  I took a moment to consult my calendar and I saw that I was free so I quickly responded to the email in the affirmative.  Later that evening my fiance and I were talking about the email and he said, "So am I going to go to this cookout too?" He said it sweetly but you could tell it had hurt him a little to not be consulted or even considered in my planning.  "Oh, yeah. I mean I guess I forgot I am a "we" now."  My fiance is an infinitely patient man, which is excellent news for me.  There have been a few other times when I have forgotten to keep him in the loop or even consult him on things but he lovingly reminds me that I am not on my own anymore.

Most recently, I was having sort of a spiritual crisis, as I have mentioned in my last post.  After communion on Sunday I was talking to my fiance about it.  This was after I was feeling better and God had brought me back from my analyzing.  I told my fiance that I had been having these issues and how much better I felt and he said, "Why didn't you tell me about this before?" It caught me off guard.  "Satan wants to keep you in your head.  That is where he can do the most damage when you don't have other Christians supporting you, especially me [as your future husband]."  It really got me thinking, you know I never really thought about it but of anyone who should be hearing about my spiritual struggles it should be my future husband.  I mean he is going to be my spiritual head.  My spiritual health and well being is of utmost importance to him and it is kind of his responsibility.  I guess it never really occurred to me because in my household growing up I never really saw my mom go to my dad for spiritual advice and the like.  I know she did.  I just never really witnessed it.  So I guess it never really clicked for me as to what that looked like.  My mom was really the go to person in our family for us kids for all things spiritual and wise.  So it never really dawned on me to talk to my fiance when I started feeling spiritually defeated or when I started having doubts or started over analyzing my faith.  Honestly, I can't think of a more qualified person to help me.  He is incredibly knowledgeable.  He has been well trained in Scripture.  He is humble.  He has a hundred strengths that counter balance my weaknesses.  He is loving and patient and he has an amazing gift for calming me, drawing me back to reality, and showing me the truth of the Gospel and pointing me back to Christ.  I am more blessed than I can say with the husband that God seen fit to send me.  Further more, in coming to him, not only am I gaining strength for myself but I am also giving my husband honor and respect by showing him that I value his thoughts and his advice.  I am giving him the consideration he deserves and that he is entitled to as my spiritual head.  So really it is a win win situation when I get my head on straight.

This will definitely take some getting used to for sure.  It will take practice on my part and patience on his.  But one of the most wonderful things about being in a relationship like this is the freedom to work on these things together.  Figuring out a relationship at this level is hard work.  It can be incredibly frustrating at times and exhausting too but it is the most beautiful and most rewarding work I have ever had the pleasure of doing.  I am absolutely loving figuring out how to be the kind of fiancee my man needs and how I can be the best wife for him after November 2nd.

God is so good and I am incredibly blessed!
TTFN
Rachel

Confessions of a Chatty Girl: Definitely Not So Single White Female

Part 4

I did not realize that I was going to be posting what I am about to write nearly as soon as this but I must say that I am not complaining about the timing of everything.  

May 19, 2012

Last Night 

I had several girls from church over for a girls night.  We were all talking and having a lot of fun and we had just started a movie.  He had been texting me off and on throughout the evening asking how things were going and what not.  At one point around 10:15 I get a text asking how much longer the girls were going to be there tonight.  I said I didn't know but that it would probably be another hour or two as we had just started watching the movie.  He then asked who all was there.  I told him.  A few minutes later one by one the girls phones started to go off signally a text.  I didn't really pay much attention to this.  I went to the bathroom for a moment and while I was gone I heard excited whispers and a few chuckles.  I come back out into the living room and all noise ceases.  Everyone is watching the movie VERY intently and trying to hide smiles on their faces.  I automatically and curious about what I missed and still why I had not received a text at the same time as the other girls.  

I sit back down on the couch and no sooner had my backside hit the cushion than I heard a knock on the door.  Instantly I think what in the world.  I answer the door and it is him standing there with a big grin on his face dressed in a nice shirt and jeans and looking very handsome I might add.  I also noted that looked like he was about ready to jump out of his skin.  I said "What are you doing here?"  He said "I have to steal you."  In a tone that made it clear he was not asking but telling.  That got my attention for sure. It is very attractive when he takes charge like that.  I am a little taken aback and I look to the other girls trying to think how to explain what is happening and they have already begun packing up their stuff and practically had one foot out the door already.  In a bustle of activity I grabbed my keys and shoes (forgetting my phone) and was whisked off into the night by the guy of my dreams (cheesy I know sorry but I kind of like him a lot so deal with it).  

AS we are driving in the car I am thinking "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! This is not happening.  He is not proposing is he?"  As we drive along we talk about our days and swap stories of things that happened.  And then I figure I need to do some investigating.  I start bringing up particular subjects like "I was talking to mom about wedding dress shopping and she asked if it would be weird doing it without a ring because as far she knew I wasn't going to be getting one before June unless I knew something she didn't."  He answers very nonchalantly "I was looking at some rings today and I think I can have a ring by June still."  I try desperately to read him.  He was actually doing a pretty good job.  I tried to think back to when he could have talked to my dad and when he could have gotten a ring.  I couldn't think of any unaccounted for time in the past few days so the doubt became even larger.  I knew he had been acting suspicious the last couple of days but as far as I knew he was just planning something special for our 4 month which was coming up on Monday and he was planning on doing something on Sunday the last I had heard not tonight!  "So where are we going?"  I ask.  "Somewhere." He deflects.  We drive up Lookout Mountain and head towards Covenant College.  We pull into the parking lot and he looks anxiously to the other cars.  I am not sure why he is finds the other cars so interesting all of a sudden but we start walking toward the looking out point.  There is a little bench there where you can sit and enjoy the view.  We get up to the place and instead of looking out at the view he is looking rather anxiously at the ground below us.  Suddenly I hear him call out "Kukaw kukaw!" like a crow.  This doesn't necessarily phase me because this is not so out of the ordinary for him to do random funny things like this.  After standing there a few moments I say, "What was that?"  He shrugs and says, "I don't know I just felt like doing that.  I think there is a fountain over here!"  I follow him to the fountain and think, "Seriously?  You brought me all the way to see a fountain?  This couldn't have waited until tomorrow?"  "Oh look there are fish in the fountain!"  In my head, uh great who cares about a fish?  Outloud I say, "So, why are we up here again?"  "Oh, uh, to look around and see the city lights and stuff."  In my head, uh huh, sure..."Kukaw, kukaw!"  In my head, ok one time was ignorable but two times is suspic... "Whoo, whoo!"  Was that a response I heard?  I hear a twig snap to my left and then there is a flash of light and I look over and see a dark figure in the shadows that looks familiar.  I turn back to him and he says, "So I prayed that God would bring me someone to help me do ministry, because I knew I couldn't do it alone.  So He brought me you."  He gets down on one knee, pulls out the ring..."So will you be my wife?" 

Needless to say...I said YES!!!!!!     

TTFN!

The future Mrs. Rachel Miller

P.S. That dark figure was his roommate and there will be pictures of the moment coming in the very new future :)

SWF seeking GOD: Trip Down Memory Lane

So I was recently going through Facebook and came across some notes that I had written several years ago, back before I had a blog.  It is so beautiful to look back and see how God has sustained and worked in my life since these posts were originally penned.  That is one of the reasons why I keep this blog is so that at any time I can go back to any date and see where I was and see how God has carried me through.  If you don't have a prayer journal or blog or something like it I highly encourage you to invest in one.  It is such a blessing!  I hope these thoughts from an 18 year old me are encouraging to you . . .

Saturday, April 19, 2008 -

"I just wanted to share something that really hit me tonight in my devotionals. I have just started reading the Psalms and I was reading 3 tonight. One verse really struck me.

"I cried unto the Lord with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah." Psalm 3:4

This verse is so amazing! If you really think about it every time you have ever cried out to God, He has heard you! He has condescended from His holy hill to your level to listen to your hurts! The God of the universe, Who holds all the planets in orbit, the God Who controls our past, present, and future. The God Who created everything we see around us. This God, this very same exact God, comes to you when you call Him in an instant He is by your side. He is there to comfort us when we cry, to wipe away our tears, to fend off our enemies. All we need do is call out His name and He hears. Not only does He hear but He knows exactly what we are going through. He can sympathize with every hurt, every distress. 

How can a God of such magnitude be so loving! How can such a God be so holy and just and merciful all at the same time! He hears us guys! He doesn't say, "Oh uh hold that thought a sec I have a universe to run." He doesn't say, "For crying out loud are you back again?!?! What do you want this time?" He doesn't say, "You think you have problems? Let me tell you my day!" NO!! He says "I know it hurts but I am here. I am always here. I love you. You are not alone. Remember what I have done for you. I love you too much to forget you. I will never tire of you coming to me. I will never make you wait for my comfort. You are precious, you are my child." All of this from the God of the universe! And His love and comfort is perfect! 

How is all of this possible? Only because He is God! We will never know on this earth at least why or how he loves such wretched creatures like us. But he does and that is all that really matters.

He loves you and listens to you. He hears you from is holy hill when you cry and he comes to your aid at a moments notice." 
Saturday, November 25, 2008 -

"Tonight in my devotions I was greatly humbled. Reading tonight I was struck with a sense of shame at my own selfish and self-absorbed mentality towards God. I have been reading through the Psalms for quite sometime (there are a lot of them!) and I have stumbled across this unifying factor. The Psalmist goes through hard times, so much harder than I myself have ever faced and yet with every Psalm he ends with praising God. How in the world does he do that??? 

I go through such small and insignificant "trials" and I always come out questioning God and asking Him to get me this or fix that or make the problem go away. Very rarely do I sit back and say, "God I don't understand what You are doing here, I may never understand. But thank You for this test that I may be refined. While I am in this moment please teach me what I am to know and use me to further Your kingdom. May I glorify You in this Lord. Blessed be the Name of the Lord!" 

How much more would I learn if I accepted the obstacles and trials that God put in my path as an opportunity to grow in faith, wisdom, patience, mercy, joy, peace, etc.? How much further along in my spiritual growth would I be??? I have no clue and it breaks my heart! 

But God will not leave me; He will never give up on me; Christ will never stop praying on my behalf; and I will always be God's beloved daughter! 

You can take hope that this is true of you as well!

Blessed be the Name of the Lord!"

TTFN!

REE~

Confessions Of A Chatty Girl: Stuck Outside The Garden

I can't tell you how many times I have sat down to write a new blog post.  I get about a paragraph in and lose it.  There are a lot of reasons why it has been a while since I have posted but in the last week and a half or so I have just been feeling a little lost when it comes to posting.  There are several things I could write about but right now I feel like I just need to be really honest and share with you guys some struggles I am having.

Mary Lennox - "The Secret Garden"

So as I have mentioned before I recently became a member of Covenant PCA here in Chattanooga.  As I have also mentioned I have been asked to be on the leadership team for CYAM (College and Young Adult Ministry).  I am very thankful for these opportunities and for God's provision in these things but I have to be honest with you guys, I really feel...well...lost.  I have no idea if it is me or if it is the people here or what but ministry looks very different here than what it looked like back in Lynchburg.  Maybe I am romanticizing the memories I have of my time in RUF but when I think about how vastly different the community was and just how different the caliber of relationships were it honestly makes me want to cry out of home sickness.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love most of the things about Chattanooga and I have found a couple of incredible people (yes, one particularly incredible person, which you will be hearing more about later) but overall I am really finding community and relationships very hard with many of the people here.  I remember being in Summer RUF sitting around the table on the deck at Marc and Amy's house and hearing Amy say that she had a hard time fitting in with a lot of people because very few are as open and real about life.  I remember being confused by that statement at the time but now I totally understand.  I feel like if I try to open up and be that real and honest person that I am, I get looks like I have three heads or I get a fake nod of support and a few cliche words of Christian-ese and then awkwardness ensues.  I can feel the walls coming up around my heart again and I feel myself hiding away from the fear of rejection and disapproval.  I left Virginia excited about the new life awaiting me and excited about what God has in store for me and he has brought along more blessings than I can count but I feel completely lost right now.  I have a gift and passion for ministry and I have a passion to be in relationship with people and to serve them and be there for them.  But right now I feel like Mary Lennox, hunting for the door to the secret garden.  I know there is a garden on the other side of the wall.  I have been inside it before.  I have tasted its fruit and I have smelled the sweet aroma of its flora.  But I am still outside digging through the vines that cling to the wall searching for that little door that will at least admit me entrance.  I know this is what I am supposed to be doing and what my life is supposed to be focused on because the longer I go without it and the longer I spend in vain searching for that door the less whole I feel and the more disconnected I feel I become.  Last week my associate pastor was talking about the disconnect between "real life" and eternity.  He was saying how sometimes eternity breaks into real life and brings with it the magic of the gospel and the beauty of the cross. I know this is a season of life.  I just finished ready Ecclesiastes.  I know nothing is new under the sun but it still doesn't keep my heart from aching for that eternity, for that magic.  Within that garden are beautiful flowers, within that garden are painful thorns.  Within that garden there is work to be done.  Within that garden is joy. 

Basically what I am saying is I am really hurting, frustrated, disconnected and lost right now and I need your prayers.  I need God to remind me of His plan and to trust in it.  I need to remember to be thankful for all that He has given me and be patient as I wait and watch for His guidance.  Christ is the key to the door I seek but without God's direction I will be digging through the vines forever.  So please be praying with and for me.  Be praying for opportunities to show themselves and that God would use me to further His kingdom here.  

God is at work.

TTFN~

Rachel

SWF seeking GOD: "Adultolescents"

A Church-Based Hope for “Adultolescents”

The link above is to an article by John Piper, a pastor out in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  He is author of over 30 books, and most famously for "Desiring God".

In Sunday school last week the leader got up and read this article to the class of college students and 20-somethings.  With every sentence I was more convicted and inspired.  Ladies, raise your hand if you have ever heard your girlfriend or yourself say, "What has happened to the men out there? Why aren't they stepping up?" Raise your hand if you ever heard  the phrase "man-child"?  Raise your hand if you or anyone you know stay in school year after year either not graduating or adding a string of letters to their name without much direction, rhyme or reason. Raise your hand if you or someone you know has turned down a job because it didn't give you enough free time to "do your own thing." Raise your hand if you or someone you know has said "Why move out of my parents house?  My mom cooks, cleans, does my laundry, and it's all free?"  Raise your hand if you ever said to yourself "I am way to young to get married! I just graduated college!" Raise your hand if you ever balked at a friend or acquaintance when you discovered they are engaged to be married before the "sensible" age of 25+?  Raise your hand if you ever told that same person that they had lost their mind and they were throwing their life away by getting married so young?  Is your hand raised?  Because mine is.

Why are guys still living at home with their parents well into their 20s?  Why are people staying in college longer?  Why are we constantly needing "more time"?  Why do we keep putting off adulthood?  I must admit that this is a pet-peeve of mine.  Why is society pressuring us to stay children?  Why do we constantly hear grown-ups tell us, "You have all the time in the world!" "Enjoy your freedom!" "Live a little!" "Don't throw away all this opportunity!"  This is usually in response to engagement and birth announcements.  This is in response to "No, I am not going to grad-school."  This is the retort for pretty much anytime someone younger that 30 says they are ready to be settled in a job, a relationship, a town, a life.

I have to admit that I have often fallen right into that reaction.  Either out of habit or I am ashamed to say peer-pressure.  I was just hanging out with a friend of mine from college a few days ago.  We were in Panera.  She was studying and I was doing some work.  There were 2 ladies behind us and the younger of the 2 was giving a very long detailed and audible story of how she met her fiance.  The woman said she was 21.  At that announcement my friend almost spewed her sweet tea.  After they left, with wide eyes my friend said to me, "Can you believe that?! She is getting married and she is only 21!"  I wasn't very shocked because I am "only" 21 and I could totally see myself married (I have no idea to whom, but still I don't consider myself to young for the institution.) My friend continued, "I am 23 and I am not trying to get married!  I am fine! I have stuff I want to do!"  My only surprise at the stranger's story was that the woman said that she had met her fiance online and I was rather surprised that a 21 had thought it necessary to take charge like that so young and that she had only known her fiance for a few months.  But I did not think it inappropriate for her to make that powerful of a commitment at her age and really it wasn't any of my business, after all I was only eavesdropping.  But my friend was very adamant.

That got me to thinking.  Why is it so taboo now to get married before you graduate college or before you are 25?  I am not saying that you should all run out and get married to the first guy you find or that you are an old maid because you are not married by now.  Marriage is only one of the steps a person takes along the road of life and into adulthood.

What does all this "adultolescents" boil down too?  Selfishness and fear.  We are afraid to grow-up.  We are to self-absorbed to become adults.  We don't want to take on adult responsibilities because they aren't fun.  Do you realize that only a few decades ago, in your parents and grandparents era 18 year old men were working full-time at a job that they would most likely not leave unless fired?  An 18 year old woman was most likely engaged to be married and planning her life with her husband.  The average 21 year old man and woman already had a child or 2.  The average 20-something was a stable and settled member of society?

Does the Proverbs 31 woman shrink from responsibility?  Does she tell her husband and children "I am way to young to be dealing with all of your problems?" Does she long for the days when she could sleep in all day long and all she had to worry about was her physics exam next week?  No.  What are you afraid of?  Real life is coming whether you like it or not and we are called to be mature about it.  What is the greatest sign of maturity?  Being others-minded.  Is that something that you have to wait until after school to acquire?  Is that something that you need to be 25+ to attain?  Shoot, other-mindedness is something that a 12 year old can possess.  Maybe you are mature.  Maybe you realized you are not.  

“Do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature.” 1 Corinthians 14:20.  

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." 1 Corinthians 13:11

If you feel that the life that God has called you to means that you require more schooling than by all means do not take this as advice against that.  Or if you are single and feel that God has legitimately called you to that life then please do not take this as an encouragement to ignore God's call.  If you are unable to move out of your parent's home because of a disability then do not take this as a sign of failure or disobedience.  But if you are using schooling or living with your parents or putting off marriage because you are afraid of real life or don't think you are "ready" to be an adult.  I hope that Piper's article will make you think and really pray and do some self-examination and that it will inspire and convict you just as it has me!  

TTFN~
REE

A New Twist Beginning November!

If you read my post from last night you had a little glimpse and warning that I was going to be adding a few things to my list of what to post about.  If you like the kinds of posts that I was doing before, never fear, I am still going to be writing posts like those.  I am just adding some variety and a little more fun-ness to my blog :)  In an effort to get more organized and be more diligent I have decided to continue in the vein of expanding my horizons and apply it to my blog as well.  I have noticed that without a schedule and plan my original goal and hope for this blog kind of got lazy, so I will be keeping a schedule now.  Here is what you have to look forward to starting in November!

2 alternating Mondays a month - The Bookworm Project 

I will be posting a new book review.  Since I got this idea only just now I know that I have at least 6 weeks taken care of on that front.  Books are very thought provoking for me so I would like for my posts to be a little deeper than just "I would recommend this book." or "I would not recommend this book."  So keep a look out on Mondays.  I will post links on the new Facebook page I will be creating for this.  It makes it easier than cluttering up my personal page with a bunch of links every week.  So "like" the page and you can stay up to date.

2 alternating Wednesdays a month - SWF seeking GOD

I will be sharing my thoughts about what it means to be a Christian Single White Female.  There is a lot of pressure on single Christian women to get married, start a family and be a Proverbs 31 woman.  Well that is all well and good but how does that apply to a single woman who is not about to go out on a man hunt?  Prayerfully it will be enlightening and encouraging to all of us as I share my experiences, my convictions, and lessons God brings along.

The last Friday of every month - Confessions of a Chatty Girl

This will be in the same vein as what I have been doing up to now of sharing updates of what life in Chattanooga is, what it is becoming and how God is using the change of scenery and change of station to further my sanctification and understanding of the Gospel.  This will also include a Snapshot segment where I take some pictures of life in Chattanooga so you get a chance to see what I see instead of just trying to imagine it! 

I know that all might sound pretty confusing, scheduling wise, but once you get the hang of it you will know what to expect in a given week from me. So keep on the look out for new and more consistent posts! Also for some possible aesthetic changes! The designer in me can never be satisfied for long :) 

TTFN~

REE