Lesson #5: Loving In Spite

Yesterday I found myself jotting down a list of the things I love about my husband.  This is a little exercise I like putting myself through to keep my favorite qualities about him at the front of my mind.  The usual suspects were on the list: kind, funny, thoughtful, patient, etc. As the list grew attributes about my husband kept popping up that I would think about but they didn't make the list. When those arose I rather magnanimously thought to myself, Well, I love him anyway.  After I had collected a dozen or so things I went back to my day feeling pretty contented.  As my day progressed, however, I couldn't stop thinking about that one little thought "Well, I love him anyway." It is a very common idiom to love someone in spite of their flaws, or to love someone in spite of those things that don't really make you happy.  After all as 1 Peter 4:8 says, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  I began thinking again to those qualities that didn't make the cut for my list and do you know that only one or two of those things could have even remotely been classified as sinful?  I began wondering to what extent my love actually covered. 

I have always fancied the idea of doing things in spite of something. That just struck me as a little defiant and wild and I love it. Can you tell I have a rebellious streak? I was well aware, having grown up in church that love does not keep any record of wrongs, that it bears all things (1 Cor. 13:4-8) and that it has the power cover sin (John 3:16, 1 Peter 4:8). But thinking about these verses that talk about loving in spite are talking about sins. That is talking about forgiveness.  There is a difference in sin and flaws.  Sin is just that.  Actual, real, holy law breaking sins.  Flaws, as I am using the word for the purpose of this post, are perceived offenses to a persons sense of approved characteristics.  Love does not cover annoyances, personality differences, idiosyncrasies, and the like.  So then what do you do with it?  As I meditated on these verses I started to realize that my love covered the easy stuff. My love covers the nice things; the things that fit into my idea of good; the things that make me feel warm and fuzzy; the things that conform to the rules of MY kingdom.  What kind of a love is that? Was I really so arrogant to think that I was somehow doing my husband a favor by looking past those faults and foibles?  You see the thing about loving someone in spite of themselves, it automatically puts the lover in a position of great power and when grace and humility combine to use that power for forgiveness you have a taste of glory.  Loving someone in spite of their sin is beautiful.  It is grace. It is mercy. It is holy. It is necessary. But the real question is not, "Do I love my husband in spite of himself" but, "Do I love my husband in spite of myself?"  It is harder to love someone in spite of myself. In spite of my selfishness, my pride, my inpatients, my temper, my sin here is a man whom God has given me to show Christ to.  In order to love him, really love him I have to let go.  I have to admit I don't have goodness figured out.  I have to admit that my idea of perfection is not a perfect one.  I have to confess that I want to fool myself into thinking I am better than I am.  To love my husband I have to be willing to lay down my kingdom, my life for the glory of God.  

Love is a choice.  It is not an easy choice because it costs. 

"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

On my own I can't pay that.  Relying on my own strength and desire for self improvement I can't and won't pay the price for holiness.  I can pay the cost only because Someone else paid it first.  Only because of Another am I even able to hope that I will succeed at this even sometimes.  Real love costs.  Christ was willing to pay the ultimate price, His very life, for a people who were his enemies because He REALLY loves us.  God came and humbled Himself and became man to show just how great His love was for me and for you. Because of this truth we have hope.  I have hope.  That God, who began a good work in you will continue it unto completion.  So by the very power of Christ Himself through the gift of the Holy Spirit, I can say with confidence that in spite of myself I will seek to really love my husband as my God so loves me.

God is at work! Hallelujah!
REM

Wedding Project #3 - In All The Details...

DON'T FORGET THE GROOM!

So yesterday and today I made a conscious decision to limit wedding talk to the first 5 minutes of my time spent with my fiance and boy was it worth it!  I hadn't really noticed that with my head perpetually in wedding mode that I was missing out on some serious bonding time with my man! If you are engaged now or if you become engaged at some point in your life make sure to remember the groom.  As I was reading in Dazzled To Frazzled And Back Again "After all, if it weren't for him, you wouldn't be planning your nuptials."  

Seriously ladies I know we can get caught up in the favors, flowers, caterers and cakes but don't forget who made this all possible!  Spend some much needed vacation time from the hustle and bustle and commit to spend some time talking about anything BUT the wedding.  It just might make you fall in love with him all over again and rekindle the excitement of spending the rest of your life with this amazing man God has blessed you with!

Happy planning!

TTFN!

The Future Mrs. Miller

E(ngaged)WF seeking GOD: In Remembrance of Me

For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”  In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.”  For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. 

~ 1 Corinthians 11:23-26

There has been a kind of fog hanging over me spiritually though.  That has been the case for a few weeks now actually.  That is probably a lot of the reason why I have been so scant in my postings.  It seems I always have some excuse for not posting haha.  Well, this spiritual fog I have been in has been affecting really everything, from wedding planning, to Bible study, to time spent with my fiance. You name it, this cloud has been following me every where and raining on every area of my life it seems.  

Something you might not know about me is that I am a pretty heavy thinker.  I analyze everything!  I analyze people, situations, objects, conversations, specific words, facial expressions, body language, tones of voice, scenarios, etc.  For someone who seems very light hearted and carefree, I spend a lot of time in my head, to much time probably.  Well, even if you didn't know that about me Satan sure does.  He also knows that is my weakest spot.  That is a the biggest chink in my armor.  I analyze everything.  It can be good and it can also be very dangerous because with that analysis comes questions and with questions comes doubts.  I doubt everything.  I doubt people, situations, objects, people's sincerity, people's love, tones of voices, specific words.  Most frightening of all I doubt God.  I doubt His love. I doubt His provision.  I doubt His very existence!  Yeah, I know I just admitted it.  In my darkest moments, I question how could this all be real.  How could He be real?  In his book The Reason for God, Tim Keller writes, "A faith without some doubts is like a human body without antibodies in it.  People who blithely go through life to busy or indifferent to ask hard questions about why they believe as they do will find themselves defenseless against either the experience of tragedy or the probing of questions of a smart skeptic. A person's faith can collapse almost overnight if she has failed over the years to listen patiently to her own doubts, which should only be discarded after long reflection." Being the type of person that I am I think I will always have seasons of doubt.  I will always have to revisit Scripture, godly counsel, and prayer during these seasons, just as I must do these things during seasons of strong faith and assurance.  I admit that I don't have all the answers.  There are tough questions out there and I am thankful for books like The Reason for God that can help remind me of the truths in Scripture and can speak to this analytical brain and answer a lot of those questions.  Satan has the strength to speak a lot of doubt into my head but God has more power to speak assurance to my soul.  

Today was a crazy morning.  In rushing around trying to grab everything to check out of my hotel room in St. Louis, I left my phone in my room.  I didn't remember it until about 20 minutes later.  One thing after another and the clock was ticking away and we became later and later in leaving for church. I began questioning whether there was even any point in going to church.  But through the frustration my foggy heart cried out for church. I knew I needed to go.  I needed church this morning.  A part of me ached for it.  I go to church every Sunday but this morning especially I was feeling the need for it acutely.  After house keeping tracked down my phone and after getting lost on the way to church we arrive at church, frustrated, annoyed, tired and 30 minutes late but we were there.  Today was communion.  Today the Gospel was fed to my soul.  It was beautiful.  Every time I take communion I feel refreshed, revitalized, and restored.  I needed that this morning!  Whoever says there is not power in communion is dead wrong because communion will heal your sin sick soul, believer.  I began meditating on the verses above in 1 Corinthians.  The words "in remembrance of Me" struck me.  Communion is a time to remember, to meditate, to think.  Of all the things I can over think I can never over think the Gospel.  I can never focus to much on my Lord.  I will think on Him.  He can handle my doubts.  He can handle my questions.  He can feed my soul in abundance.   

My prayer tonight is, "Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief."

The Wedding Belle Project #2

I keep reminding myself that I have 5 months to get everything done but now that I have a lot of my big ticket items the little things are beginning to pile up.  I feel like I am really on top of things for the most part but the count down on my wedding website is ever glaring at me!  It is all the little things that are collecting but I am having fun thinking about the little things and hopefully finding them will be just as easy as all the big things.

TASKS COMPLETED:
Ceremony/Reception
Photographer
Florist
Music
Wedding Dress
Bridesmaid dresses
Videographer
Officiant
Pre-marital counseling

THINGS I HAVE FIGURED OUT BUT NOT YET TECHNICALLY COMPLETED:
Catering
Reception Emcee
Favors
Invitations
Sound system
Decorations
Hair stylist
Registry
Rehearsal

Now you might think well what else is there left to do.  Something I think the same thing and then I open my Knot account and see over 116 things waiting for me...  We are making progress though!  And it is exciting and fun!  The next big things to finalize is catering and invitations.

I have a book that I read a long time ago that I am going to start reading again...because that is really how I feeling right about now!  But I am having fun I promise!

SWF seeking GOD: Evening Encouragement

So Saturday night I was reading my Morning & Evening before bed.  I found this beautiful encouragement within its pages that really spoke to my heart in light of the Stuck Outside the Garden post.  It was a good reminder that God sent me here (Click here).  He would not have done so had He not had a reason and a purpose behind it.  He is not going to leave me here without guidance or aid.  Praise the Lord! 

May 12                                                                                                                                         Evening

"Fear not to go down into Egypt; for I will there make of thee a great nation: I will go down with thee into Egypt; and I will also surely bring thee up again." Genesis 46:3,4

Jacob must have shuddered at the thought of leaving the land of his father's sojourning, and dwelling among heathen strangers.  It was a new scene, and likely to be a trying one: who shall venture among courtiers of a foreign monarch without anxiety?  Yet the way was evidently appointed for him, and therefore he resolved to go.  This is frequently the position of believers now - they are called to perils and temptations altogether untried; at such seasons let them imitate Jacob's example by offering sacrifices of prayer unto God, and seeking His direction; let them not take a step until they have waited upon the Lord for His blessing: then they will have Jacob's companion to be their friend and helper.  How blessed to feel assured that the Lord is with us all our ways, and condescends to go down into our humiliations and banishments with us!  Even beyond the ocean our Father's love beams like the sun in its strength. We cannot hesitate to go where Jehovah promises His presence; even the valley of deathshade grows bright with the radiance of this assurance.  Marching onwards with faith in their God, believers shall have Jacob's promise.  They shall be brought up again, whether it be from the troubles of life or the chambers of death.  Jacob's seed cam out of Egypt in due time, and so shall all the faithful pass unscathed through the tribulations of life, and terror of death.  Let us exercise Jacob's confidence. 'Fear not', is the Lord's command and His divine encouragement to those who at His bidding are launching upon new seas; the divine presence and preservation forbid so much as one unbelieving fear.  Without our God we should fear to move; but when He bids us go, it would be dangerous to tarry.  Reader, go forward, and fear not.

God is at work!  

TTFN~

REE

The Bookworm Project #4: The ESV Study Bible

The ESV Study Bible

It has happened.  As some would say, I have seen the light.  As some others would say, I have been bitten by the bug.  As still others might say, I have drank the Cool-Aid.  One night, at our college and young adults book study of Knowing God by J. I. Packer, I had raised a "devil's advocate" question.  Yes, I am that person.  I like to ask those questions to understand better and be able to have a response for when the tough questions are asked of me.  After spurring some very interesting discussion our company adjourned and my boyfriend and I went back to his house to hang out.  He and I continued discussing my question on the drive home and on arriving he quickly retrieved from his room his ESV Study Bible.  Having been in RUF for several years I had certainly heard of the ESVSB.  I had heard people sing its praises and tout its wonders but I had never really thought much of it.  I already have a Reformation Study Bible that R.C. Sproul's ministry had produced some 15 years back (Whoa! Suddenly feeling old...) and I figured that one study Bible was like the rest.  Well boy was I dead wrong.  As Mark and I began flipping through the pages researching my question I was more and more drawn in to just how many references we were coming up with.  Verses were being connected from all over the Bible.  The commentary was fascinating.  There were detailed maps.  There were extensive notes.  It was love.  I had to have this Bible.  

A few weeks later I promptly went out and bought my own personal copy.  I absolutely love it!  Now, normally I don't write a book review for a book I haven't read all the way through yet.  But since this is a Bible and that could take a year at least for that to happen I figured I would review it anyway and let you know that if you do not have one of these in your library you should invest in one.  It is a wonderful, easy to understand, resource to deepen your knowledge and love for the Scriptures.  

The Bookworm Project #3: The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

It has been a while since I have written a review.  This is not because I haven't been reading mind you!  Even though my life has picked up considerable moment since starting work and finding a church and friends and the like, does not mean that I am over the whole "reading for pleasure" thing or the Bookworm Project.  I am still reading and loving it!  Now, I must say that I have gotten out of chronological order of books completed though.  There are actually 6 or 7 book reviews still waiting to be written but since I literally just finished this book about 20 minutes ago and I have energy and don't feel like going to bed yet, gosh darn it I'll just write this now instead of putting it off.  So here we go.

If you know anything about ancient middle eastern culture, and let's face it who doesn't, right, you will know that women and men lived very different and separate lives from what modern day Americans call normal.  There are still cultures that hold to many of the same traditions as their ancient ancestors but as time goes one even their strong heritage and love of tradition have bowed the knee to progress in some form or another.  The Red Tent is a fascinating look into the life of women in Old Testament biblical times.   This book is written from the perspective of Jacob's only daughter, Dinah.    In your Bible she is a blip on the map really.  A side note.  An after thought.  She is portrayed merely as a way of explaining why Israel was greatly feared in Canaan.  If you do not know her story you can find what little there is in Genesis 34.  An entire life wrapped in one chapter covering one event and a horrific event at that.  She is numbered among the blemishes of Jacob's offspring and quickly forgotten.  I remember reading that chapter and thinking, "Is that it?  Is that really all there is to be said of the only daughter of Jacob?  What happened to her after that?"  It appears Diamant had the same questions.  Now of course this is all fiction and pure speculation and for the sake of an interesting story.  But it still would satisfy the imagination of many of reader.  

Although it is written about Biblical characters, do not expect to find Christian values or themes. The author has taken the liberty of sprinkling in her own ideas and extra-biblical details that work fine for the narrative.  Just don't expect to use this book as a cross study of Genesis.  It is fiction remember.  The title "The Red Tent" refers to the tent that women enter for their time of the month (sorry to any guys reading this, I am sure this is exactly what you wanted to read about tonight).  A woman was considered unclean during this time and so it was customary and required of her to remove herself from the rest of the tribe until her menstrual cycle had run its course and she had been purified.  Now, as all women know when you run in a pack you all tend to get on the same schedule so for 3-5 days out of the month the tribes entire female population was holed up in the red tent to chatter, gossip, have their cat fights, and share their pain.  The tent was also where births happened.  This book gives you a fly on the wall glimpse into what life might have been like for Jacobs 4 wives and daughter as they gave birth to the 12 tribes of Israel, as they had miscarriages, fed the husband that they all shared, and as their lives played out before one another in such close proximity.  

A friend recommended this book and it is certianly an interesting read.  Although the book's story line itself is fiction, from what little I know of ancient history, I would not be surprised at the cultural accuracy.  I do not foresee myself reading this book again but it is definitely an intriguing perspective on what life as a woman was like back then.  As a lover of history with a vivid imagination, this book painted a lot of fascinating pictures of life as Old Testament women that I would have never considered on my own.  Be forewarned there are a few scenes that are pretty racy that you might do well to skip over but as I said from a historical and also anthropological standpoint the book certainly peaked my interest in studying more about the women of that century and culture.

The Bookworm Project #2 - The Lovely Bones

It might be a surprise to you that I read this book.  Especially, considering how different it is from the last book I posted about.  If you heard about it, saw the movie or even saw a preview you knew that this book was not a light and happy-go-lucky story.  Pretty much anything with the word "bones" in the title you know probably is going to be a little on the dark side, at least.  Well, this book is no exception.  I first saw the film.  I was not overly impressed with it but the story intrigued me intellectually.  I knew that it had originally been a book and I wondered how it had been altered from the original narrative.  I had spoken to a few people who had seen and read the story and the general consensus was "the book was better."  Big shocker there, right?  

First off, I would like to say that I have an odd quirk about me.  I absolutely love TV shows that have anything to do with crime, typically murder.  So does my mother, so I blame her :)  My dad refers to them, mockingly, as our "killer shows" even though we secretly know he has to fight getting sucked into them himself :)  The science of criminology and watching them catch bad guys is really interesting to me and I have to admit that I am also interested in knowing how the crime was committed.  You probably had no idea that I was that dark, huh?  Sometimes I think I should have been a criminal justice major and gone into law enforcement of some kind.  My favorite shows are Bones, Castle, Body of Proof, NCIS, etc. The original NCIS, mind you! Not to be confused with NCIS: LA. Don't even get me started.

All that is to say, The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold was not a stretch for me in my line of interests.  To warn you plainly this book is not PG13.  I do not recommend this book for the faint of heart, particularly anyone who is closely acquainted with the crime of rape and/or murder of a family member.  I can imagine that this book would be incredibly painful.  It was painful enough for me, who by the grace and mercy of God has been spared such tragedies.  The book is written in the perspective of the victim, which coupled with Sebold's portrayal of heaven is largely what intrigued me about it.  There are not many stories written in the perspective of a murder victim for obvious reasons.  It was fascinating to see how the tragedy affected a family of unbelievers and how each character in the book processed and ultimately healed from it without turning to God as a source of comfort and strength.  

The theology was pitiful but to be expected of a writer who for all intents and purposes appears to be an atheist.  Sebold definitely has a very hedonistic view of heaven, which is to be expected.  It was wonderful to get a better understanding of how a non-Christian would try to explain the after-life and how they picture heaven.  I found it fascinating to watch Sebold try to reconcile her idea of perfection with the snags she would naturally run into with her theories.  Her theories were rather predictable but at times I could almost feel her stumbling on how a humanistic version of perfection could ever logically exist.  It felt like at times that she was questioning her own ideas through her characters, but would have to quickly dismiss them and move on for the sake of the story not getting caught in a theological struggle.    

To summarize, I would say that I came away feeling benefited by the book solely for the purpose of having a deeper understanding of a non-Christian worldview.  Sebold is obviously a talented writer no matter the subject matter.  I found the characters dynamic; the writing perspective unique and Sebold's concept of heaven thought provoking.  Proceed with caution if you decide to read this book. It might, however, intrigue and interest you on the same level and for the same reasons it did me.  If so...

Happy reading!

TTFN~

REE

Becoming A Bookworm

So to preface this and subsequent posts, I would like to say that I was not an avid reader growing up.  I am a creative and active person and when I was younger the thought of sitting for hours at a time devouring a book just seemed torturous to me.  I loved and still love to draw, color, sing, have long and thought provoking talks with people.  I love being outside, playing with kids, getting dirt under my fingernails, cooking, playing pretend (which turned into a love of theater), and generally doing everything that the right side of my brain could think of.  Those things were always what kept me most entertained and interested.  Lately, however, I had been wanting to start expanding my horizons.  I had all of those things that I loved but now it was time to add something else to the list of hobbies and interests.  So I began to read and I am finding that I am loving it!  So each week for as long as I have time I want to post my thoughts on books that I am reading.  Depending on the book, I am averaging about a book a week.  I think this will also keep me going on this and it might expand into something entertaining for us both!  So here we go!

 

Book 1

Now to begin this, I must say that I consider myself quite knowledgeable about the story of Jane Eyre.  I have seen the movie that just came out in this year; I have seen the musical performed live; I own the soundtrack and now I have read the book.  I must say that this is by far my favorite fictional narrative I have ever come across.  This book is haunting to say the least.  

Let me say that I am not your average girl in that I get warm and fuzzy toward stories of couples seeing each other across a crowded room and just knowing deep in their hearts that they have found their soul mate.  I do not believe that you can fall in love in an instant or that you can know you will marry someone just by locking eyes with a stranger across a crowded room.  I am sorry if you would like that to be your story or if you think that is your story.  I would have to disagree with you on that one but that is another argument for another day.  

My ilk leans far more to the realistic stories, ones that are not all sunshine and roses.  Life is crazy and not always pretty and when it comes to love stories there is a vast lack of realism in most.  Jane Eyre's love story is a messy, messy story.  There are hard decisions made.  There is actual love lost.  There is unyielding commitment.  There are morals and values.  That is what I love so much about it.  I can sympathize with Jane in tough decisions she had to make.  I can respect her for enduring the heartache that she felt in standing firm in those decisions.  And I can see and admire the beauty in her respect of herself and of the man she grows to and learns how to love over time and whom she chooses to love and stand beside come what may.  I am not going to spoil anything for you in this post so don't worry.  But there is no fairy tale in this book.  But there is love and loss; there is redemption and hope.  Even though Jane Eyre is a fictional book filled with fictional characters I have a lot of respect for many of them and especially for Charlotte Bronte in writing such interesting and deep characters.  Bronte gave Jane, specifically, a very carefully weaved and dynamic soul that is almost palpable. I walked away from the book feeling incredibly attached to Jane.  I felt like I had watched a dear friends life play out before my eyes and I was almost grieved to see it end.  It is definitely a book that I will be reading over and over again.  

So put on some cozy cloths. Get a cup of hot chocolate and snuggle up for a riveting story of a girl, most peculiar.  Happy reading! 

TTFN~

REE