*Trigger Warning*

Why can't we rejoice or weep with each other anymore? Why do we feel entitled to people tip-toeing around our triggers? We have managed to make everything about ourselves. A friend shares an exciting thing with us and it triggers our lack or loss of said thing. A friend shares a sorrow and it triggers how our sorrow is deeper. Friends can't share in joy anymore. Friends can't hurt with each other. This is so isolating! We have come to see our own interests as more important than others. Your struggle is not as real as mine. Your joy rips the bandage off my raw pain. We are so preoccupied with our own lives and situations that we allow our triggers to supersede our love.

We constantly have to label our lives with trigger warnings because somewhere someone will be triggered into something painful. There is pain everywhere. This sin sick and fallen world is teaming with surprising and unspeakable ways of hurting us and leaving deep throbbing wounds in us that never quite heal right. We cry out to God for healing and sometimes we don’t get the answer we want. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like we get an answer at all. This thorn in our flesh, the one that digs and tears at us, the one that even the slightest touch triggers lightning bolts of pain through every nerve is real. This world is not as it should be and as a result we hurt.  The remedy to that hurt is not isolation though. That is what happens when we avoid people for fear of them triggering our hurt. We isolate and remove ourselves from the very thing that could be the vessel God uses for our solace. Isolation is the Devil’s playground. He wants you to be alone. If you are alone he can be uninterrupted in whispering his lies to you.

We spend our energy shielding our triggers and hiding from the pain but as we live life we find that more and more triggers manifest themselves. These losses, those unmet expectations, this betrayal, and that tragedy begin to add up faster than we thought possible. If we spend our lives trying to shield our triggers, pretty soon we will just remove ourselves from all of those things that God brings into our lives to enact healing and redemption. Christ was well acquainted with loss, betrayal, and tragedy. Isaiah prophesied that Christ would be “despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering and familiar with pain” (Isa. 53:3a) and the writer of Hebrews declares that “we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but one who was tempted in every way just as we are, yet without sin.” Jesus knew all about triggers. Hebrews’ author doesn’t stop there but continues on with hope, “Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:15-16) You will notice that it doesn’t say “Therefore let us draw away from people and things that will trigger us so that we can avoid pricking those raw nerves.” No! It says draw near to the THRONE with CONFIDENCE! Hallelujah! Our High Priest who is our Intercessor takes those triggers and he redeems them. He might not heal them in the way that we expect or hope for but he redeems them for a purpose. 

Paul proclaims, “And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:12). This verse gets a bum rap but in the face of these wounds it is our hope and our life line! God is at work in ALL things!  And he has a purpose for it! Our wounds are not arbitrary just as Jesus’ wounds weren’t.  The greatest evil that ever happened, the death of the Son of God was not without purpose! His death was to redeem a wounded and wounding people.  We too are called to die. We are called to die to ourselves, to our sinful nature and its passions and desires (Gal. 5:24). “Greater love has no man then this that he should lay down his life for a friend” (John 15:13). That might mean literally laying down our physical lives for our friends but that is not going to be everyone’s specific calling. So what does that mean for everyone else? That means that we lay down our lives by setting aside our triggers, by running to the throne confidently and laying those triggers and that pain at the pierced feet of Jesus. That means allowing God to take those wounds and use them as He used His Son’s, for redemption.

To redeem means to buy at a cost. Our redemption cost God is Son. God is in the redeeming business and therefore, by association so are we. In order to be used in the incredible and holy act of redemption it is going to cost us something. It is going to be painful. It is not going to be easy. But it should be viewed for the privilege that it is. To be used for the glory of God and the redemption of others is a sacred privilege that is only ours through Christ.  That means that when we leave our pain and triggers at the throne, we are freed to love one another, to rejoice with one another, to grieve with one another, to minister to one another! We have been bought into the freedom of God’s servitude. “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matt. 11:30) Jesus said we will fine rest in humility. It takes powerful humility to view others interests as more important than our own. In order to do this is not going to be easy and it probably won’t be simple.  Pain is not simple, so moving on from it isn’t either. If it was, we would all have done it already, right? Sometimes, that means some good long prayer time and delving into the Word. Sometimes it is that and talking to a close trusted friend. Sometimes it means to also seek professional counseling. There is no shame is reaching out for help when the pain from those triggers tries to drown you. Like I have said earlier, isolation is the Devil’s playground.

Now you say, what about not causing a brother to stumble and to be sensitive to others in their struggles, yes! Do that! To those of you, reading this who are not on the painful side of this spectrum right now, yes! Remember us! Remember our hurts. Be sensitive to our pain. We are all called to consider others interests as more important than our own. That exhortation applies to not only those who are in pain but those in happiness as well. So to you, dear brothers and sisters, please be kind and examine your heart’s motivation before you share so that you can love us as you ought. But you don’t need to try to examine ours. We must examine our own hearts and must work by the grace of God to leave our triggers behind so that we may be free to love you as we ought. The freedom that we find in letting go of our triggers allows for God’s beautiful design of community to minister to our hearts. Have you ever entertained the idea that perhaps the avenue for our healing could be Christ bringing another's rejoicing into our lives? Is it so impossible to believe that we can be helped by someone else’s joy? Have we truly lost the art of rejoicing with each other that much?  How often did Paul write of rejoicing in his letters to the early churches?  In Philippians, in Colossians, in Ephesians, Paul’s letters drip with thankfulness and rejoicing with these churches.  It would have been so easy for Paul to write “You know it really sucks being in this prison while all I hear is about how you get to be in community and fellowshipping with one another.” But he didn’t. He found joy in hearing of God’s church growing and their faith deepening and broadening. Oh, the beauty of that kind of joy and love! If the prisons that Paul found himself in weren’t enough to ruin his joy and love for people, then the prisons of our pain shouldn’t be either! I don’t know about you, but I want that kind of love and joy! That is not going to come natural or easy but just like any love it comes with a choice.

So today, I am choosing to die to myself and rejoice with others, to grieve with others, to see others interests as more important than my own and to see the merciful hand of God in people and things outside of myself. I won’t do it perfectly but as the Holy Spirit reminds me and makes me aware “I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6). The Christian life is not meant to be lived on an island but in a Garden. Lord, let my life and my love be a glimpse back to that Garden, the way it was meant to be.

Codependency

In my book study on Tuesday nights some girlfriends and I have been going through the book "When People Are Big And God Is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man" by Edward Welch.  The entire book talks about the fear of man.  At first I wondered how relevant the book would be for me because I always prided myself on the fact that I never really cared what people thought of me.  I never really worried about pleasing people.  I'm pretty confident in most circumstances.  So when I read the description of the book and about how it would help me get over my fear of people I was a little confused.  But knowing how God works I knew that I would learn plenty from reading it and if not then maybe the book would be a benefit for someone else in the group.  After all it is not all about me.  As we started delving into the book I quickly realized how appropriate this book is for me.  Although the majority of my life is not spent in peer pressure or in a fear of man, although more and more I am learning that many of my thoughts and actions that get me the most frustrated and into trouble have to do with an essence of this, the real culprit is codependency.  For those of you who know me this might come as quite a surprise.  I am a very independent person by nature.  I like to do things for myself. I don't like to ask for help. I enjoy concurring tasks by myself and I don't need anyone to get the job done.  On an external level this is very true.  I am a doer.  I am a fixer.  I ask people for advice not permission.  I am woman hear me roar.  When it comes to actions I am far from codependent. Now that I have properly beat my chest and done my Rosie the Riveter pose lets get to the heart of it, literally.

When it comes to matters of the heart I am a complete contradiction.  My heart craves desperately to be loved by those that I love.  For those few people that I allow into my world, my real world, there is a tremendous burden placed on them. Unbeknownst to them ,I am constantly analyzing their love for me.  Is it real?  Do they love someone else more? Do I really matter to them?  Do they love me as much as I love them? Are they going to desert me when I make a mistake or am not what they expect?  In this deep part of my heart there is a whole other me that few people ever see.  I am confident and carefree in most situations and sometimes that in genuine.  But when it comes to people that I care about it is a whole other story.  This doesn't just end with my earthly relationships either.  My relationship with God is stained with this desperate need and crippling doubt.  

So why share this? Here. In such a public forum where I know multiple people will read this?  Well, they say the first step in overcoming a problem is admitting you have one.  And this blog from the very beginning was to preach the Gospel to myself and to use my life as encouragement to others.  Because odds are there is someone else out there reading this going "Oh my gosh, me too!"  And to you, friend and my own heart I say in the words of Paul,

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith[b] into this grace in which we stand, and we[c] rejoice[d] in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. 11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." ~ Romans 5:1-11

With such rich promises from the very word of God! These are promises for His children!  And if you haven't come to Him these promises can be yours! God is where real lasting perfect love is!  God is love!  It is free!  Those fears I listed before lets look at them again in light of this Scripture.  Is it real? Yes! Does He love some else more? How could He love me more? Do I really matter to Him? How could I not matter to Him when He sent His Son to die in my place! Does He love me as much as I love Him? He loves me more than I could ever love Him because He loves me perfectly! Is He going to desert me when I make a mistake or am not what He expects?  Guess what! Nothing surprises Him! He knows my inmost being and He has forgiven me and loves me in spite of it! 

So when I doubt my number one turn is to the Scripture where there are endless promises and truths about where I really stand with God and people.  Because of Christ's sacrifice I have peace with God.  Not because of who I am or what I can offer it is because of Christ's perfect life and willing death on my behalf!  If that doesn't inspire confidence and security I don't know what will!  In the end I am still dependent.  I am 100% completely dependent on Christ! And I am completely okay with that!

TTFN!

REM

EWF seeking GOD: My grace is sufficient for you...

When I sat down to write this blog I wasn't really sure where I wanted to go with it.  The last few days have been a jumble of thoughts and emotions.  The one word that kept springing to my head as I looked back on the events of this last week was grace.  I will spare the details for privacy's sake but suffice it to say that a tragic loss occurred in my fiance's family this week.  It rocked my new family to the core.  When my fiance got the phone call late Tuesday evening, my heart broke and went into a tail spin.  "What am I supposed to do?" "What is my role?" "How can I help?" "How can I comfort?" "How do I make the pain go away?" "How do I wipe the sadness from his eyes?" I felt helpless. I felt at a loss.  I felt weak.  These people that I loved so much were hurting and I could do nothing to stop it.  I instantly began praying, "God what can I do? Show me what to do!" I should have realized I was thinking and praying completely wrong.  The reoccurring word that kept popping up in every avenue was "I" and "me".  What in the world can I possibly do? I can't reverse time. I have never been through anything like this. I don't have insight or wisdom. I can't heal hurts nor can I change hearts. What was I thinking? I was thinking I had to DO something. I was thinking it was up to me.


So, here I sat trying to wrap my head around this crazy week and put into words what has been spinning around in my heart and these verses came to mind.  "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, ESV) I am weak. I am helpless. I am at a loss.  But His grace is sufficient.  His grace steps in where I fail.  His grace moves in and takes over where I can do nothing.  His grace is what changes everything! Not me. Not my strength or my ability or my right words or my well timed hug.  None of that has any power without being bathed in His grace.  As a well loved minister from my past used to say, "Grace has a way of overflowing and splashing out over all those whom you come into contact with."  Instead of praying for the right thing to do or for the right words to say I should have been praying that the healing grace, which is mine through Jesus Christ, would overflow and shower my hurting family and that they would be able to taste the sweetness of Christ in spite of the bitterness of sin, especially to those hurting who might not yet know Him.  


Thankfully, God is not reliant on my cooperation.  Thankfully, God accomplishes His will whether I sanction it or not.  Praise God that He works continually with and through my weakness.  Praise God that His power is perfection. My prayer is that I will be able to say with Paul I am content in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  Because God is my strength and my portion.  Sinclair Ferguson said in a sermon I recently listened to, He supplies me my daily bread. And His mercy and grace are fresh and enough for each day.  I pray that His mercy and grace will be poured out on my new family and that Christ would be made evident to them through this and above that through all of this His name would be praised.  


I am weak but I AM is strong.


Hallelujah!
Rachel