*Trigger Warning*

Why can't we rejoice or weep with each other anymore? Why do we feel entitled to people tip-toeing around our triggers? We have managed to make everything about ourselves. A friend shares an exciting thing with us and it triggers our lack or loss of said thing. A friend shares a sorrow and it triggers how our sorrow is deeper. Friends can't share in joy anymore. Friends can't hurt with each other. This is so isolating! We have come to see our own interests as more important than others. Your struggle is not as real as mine. Your joy rips the bandage off my raw pain. We are so preoccupied with our own lives and situations that we allow our triggers to supersede our love.

We constantly have to label our lives with trigger warnings because somewhere someone will be triggered into something painful. There is pain everywhere. This sin sick and fallen world is teaming with surprising and unspeakable ways of hurting us and leaving deep throbbing wounds in us that never quite heal right. We cry out to God for healing and sometimes we don’t get the answer we want. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like we get an answer at all. This thorn in our flesh, the one that digs and tears at us, the one that even the slightest touch triggers lightning bolts of pain through every nerve is real. This world is not as it should be and as a result we hurt.  The remedy to that hurt is not isolation though. That is what happens when we avoid people for fear of them triggering our hurt. We isolate and remove ourselves from the very thing that could be the vessel God uses for our solace. Isolation is the Devil’s playground. He wants you to be alone. If you are alone he can be uninterrupted in whispering his lies to you.

We spend our energy shielding our triggers and hiding from the pain but as we live life we find that more and more triggers manifest themselves. These losses, those unmet expectations, this betrayal, and that tragedy begin to add up faster than we thought possible. If we spend our lives trying to shield our triggers, pretty soon we will just remove ourselves from all of those things that God brings into our lives to enact healing and redemption. Christ was well acquainted with loss, betrayal, and tragedy. Isaiah prophesied that Christ would be “despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering and familiar with pain” (Isa. 53:3a) and the writer of Hebrews declares that “we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but one who was tempted in every way just as we are, yet without sin.” Jesus knew all about triggers. Hebrews’ author doesn’t stop there but continues on with hope, “Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:15-16) You will notice that it doesn’t say “Therefore let us draw away from people and things that will trigger us so that we can avoid pricking those raw nerves.” No! It says draw near to the THRONE with CONFIDENCE! Hallelujah! Our High Priest who is our Intercessor takes those triggers and he redeems them. He might not heal them in the way that we expect or hope for but he redeems them for a purpose. 

Paul proclaims, “And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:12). This verse gets a bum rap but in the face of these wounds it is our hope and our life line! God is at work in ALL things!  And he has a purpose for it! Our wounds are not arbitrary just as Jesus’ wounds weren’t.  The greatest evil that ever happened, the death of the Son of God was not without purpose! His death was to redeem a wounded and wounding people.  We too are called to die. We are called to die to ourselves, to our sinful nature and its passions and desires (Gal. 5:24). “Greater love has no man then this that he should lay down his life for a friend” (John 15:13). That might mean literally laying down our physical lives for our friends but that is not going to be everyone’s specific calling. So what does that mean for everyone else? That means that we lay down our lives by setting aside our triggers, by running to the throne confidently and laying those triggers and that pain at the pierced feet of Jesus. That means allowing God to take those wounds and use them as He used His Son’s, for redemption.

To redeem means to buy at a cost. Our redemption cost God is Son. God is in the redeeming business and therefore, by association so are we. In order to be used in the incredible and holy act of redemption it is going to cost us something. It is going to be painful. It is not going to be easy. But it should be viewed for the privilege that it is. To be used for the glory of God and the redemption of others is a sacred privilege that is only ours through Christ.  That means that when we leave our pain and triggers at the throne, we are freed to love one another, to rejoice with one another, to grieve with one another, to minister to one another! We have been bought into the freedom of God’s servitude. “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matt. 11:30) Jesus said we will fine rest in humility. It takes powerful humility to view others interests as more important than our own. In order to do this is not going to be easy and it probably won’t be simple.  Pain is not simple, so moving on from it isn’t either. If it was, we would all have done it already, right? Sometimes, that means some good long prayer time and delving into the Word. Sometimes it is that and talking to a close trusted friend. Sometimes it means to also seek professional counseling. There is no shame is reaching out for help when the pain from those triggers tries to drown you. Like I have said earlier, isolation is the Devil’s playground.

Now you say, what about not causing a brother to stumble and to be sensitive to others in their struggles, yes! Do that! To those of you, reading this who are not on the painful side of this spectrum right now, yes! Remember us! Remember our hurts. Be sensitive to our pain. We are all called to consider others interests as more important than our own. That exhortation applies to not only those who are in pain but those in happiness as well. So to you, dear brothers and sisters, please be kind and examine your heart’s motivation before you share so that you can love us as you ought. But you don’t need to try to examine ours. We must examine our own hearts and must work by the grace of God to leave our triggers behind so that we may be free to love you as we ought. The freedom that we find in letting go of our triggers allows for God’s beautiful design of community to minister to our hearts. Have you ever entertained the idea that perhaps the avenue for our healing could be Christ bringing another's rejoicing into our lives? Is it so impossible to believe that we can be helped by someone else’s joy? Have we truly lost the art of rejoicing with each other that much?  How often did Paul write of rejoicing in his letters to the early churches?  In Philippians, in Colossians, in Ephesians, Paul’s letters drip with thankfulness and rejoicing with these churches.  It would have been so easy for Paul to write “You know it really sucks being in this prison while all I hear is about how you get to be in community and fellowshipping with one another.” But he didn’t. He found joy in hearing of God’s church growing and their faith deepening and broadening. Oh, the beauty of that kind of joy and love! If the prisons that Paul found himself in weren’t enough to ruin his joy and love for people, then the prisons of our pain shouldn’t be either! I don’t know about you, but I want that kind of love and joy! That is not going to come natural or easy but just like any love it comes with a choice.

So today, I am choosing to die to myself and rejoice with others, to grieve with others, to see others interests as more important than my own and to see the merciful hand of God in people and things outside of myself. I won’t do it perfectly but as the Holy Spirit reminds me and makes me aware “I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6). The Christian life is not meant to be lived on an island but in a Garden. Lord, let my life and my love be a glimpse back to that Garden, the way it was meant to be.

Daily Bread

I don't know if you know this about me but I go through seasons of anxiety.  The majority of the time I am ok.  But about once or twice a year I will go through a several weeks of frequent moderate anxiety attacks. I have been doing this cycle pretty much my whole life.  I used to be afraid of meteors coming and crushing my house, I was afraid of the house catching on fire, the goat man, Big Foot, and spiders in my bed.  Over the years I have grown up and matured. I thought that meant I would grow out of being afraid of things but not so much. I am still afraid of spiders but I have pretty much out grown monsters and meteors. Now, I find that I focus mostly on physical discomfort. Sickness and persecution or the two biggies now. During one of these anxious seasons my book study group decided to start reading the book Running Scared by Ed Welch.  If that name sounds familiar that is because this is the second book I have read this year that he authored.  The first one being When People Are Big And God Is Small. Both of these books are excellent and I highly recommend them.  Running Scared is incredibly candid discussion about the spiritual side of fear.  The author is very open about his own struggles with fear, which was the first realization I had. Other people had fears. I always kind of felt alone in my fear, which I think is a pretty common side effect of fear.  Partially because fear is an embarrassing confession. Fear equals weakness. As I turned page after page I felt like I was reading directly from my own heart. Although there was a mature understanding of fear that I knew I was deeply lacking. He kept referring to the account in Exodus 16 where God provides manna and quail for Israel in the wilderness. As he continued to reiterate God's provision in the wilderness it began to click.

Fear is directly related to a lack of knowledge. Fear of the unknown is people's number one fear. We are afraid because we don't know what is ahead of us. We don't know what the future holds. Then came the sucker punch to the gut. We are afraid because we don't know God. The story of Israel and manna is about God's provision of daily bread, which pointed directly to His unfailing provision of grace. God gives us "daily bread" or daily grace. Think about Israel. God gave them very clear instructions. They were to go out in the morning, every morning, 6 days out of the week and gather mysterious and miraculous bread that appeared like dew. They were to gather only what they and all those in their household needed for that day. Gathering more than needed did no good because it rotted by the next day. In this way God kept Israel from hedging their bets. This way they couldn't say, "We got enough for the next day so in case God forgets or miscalculates how much we really need, we are ok." It also kept them from saying, "Well, we gathered enough for the next week so we can relax and sleep in the next couple of days." The Sabbath was the only day they didn't go out and gather because the day before God provided enough manna for 2 days so that His people could rest. You might ask what all of this has to do with fear. Let me tell you. I fear the future and discomfort because I think that my God has underestimated how much manna I need. I think He will forget a day and I will be on my own. I go about my day never realizing that His grace is sufficient. I feel like I have to add something to the equation in order for it to meet my needs. Or I think I have to do it all by myself. I have means of grace right there in front of me that I use throughout the day without even realizing it. Either I attribute it to myself or I don't even think about it because I take it for granted. I have His Word. I have a direct line of communication to Him through prayer. I have wonderful and godly people God has blessed me with to minister to my soul. I have access to this same God that provided manna and quail to a messy, grumbling, fearful, insignificant little nation. My messy, grumbling, fearful, insignificant little soul matters to Him. And therefore He has promised and provides my daily portion of grace.  My soul is cherished by Him. Because of His Son everything that is Christ's is now mine. That is my daily bread! He gives that to me for today. He has not given it to me for tomorrow, or in 2 weeks, or in 2 years. I have it today. I know that I will have it tomorrow but I do not have it yet. God takes one day at a time with us because He knows that is all we can handle. It also is to remind us that He is the giver and sustainer of grace. I have never gone a day when I can remember laying my head on the pillow and going "God it wasn't enough. I ran out mid day and had to fend for myself." I know it will be enough because it always has been enough. I don't know how but it has. For whatever lies ahead I know that my daily bread will be enough to sustain me though my worst fears befall me. I don't know what that could even begin to look like. I don't know how it could even be possible that I would have grace to withstand the unknown. But then again I guess I do. Christ. Christ plus nothing equals everything. I have enough for today. I will have it for tomorrow.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Cor. 12:9. 

"If God is for me, who can be against me?" - Romans 8:31. 

"The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid." - Psalm 27:1

"I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13

 

I don't need to fear because my God knows, has written my future and He already knows my prescribed dose of grace needed for each day ahead. So I don't have to worry about tomorrow. I can't stock pile grace and I don't need to hedge my bets. God says, "Tomorrow has enough trouble of it's own." I will not meet tomorrow with a grace shortage which gives me the beautiful freedom to love and serve today.

 

Now here's praying that I remember that :)

REM

 

Disclaimer: There is a medical side to fear and anxiety that I did not talk about because I know nothing about it. This is meant solely for the discussion of fear's spiritual side and implications.



Focus!

What are we doing? There is one topic on everyone's mind.  One issue on everyone's lips.  One polarizing profile picture circling social media.  Debates are raging. Hateful, condescending words are flying.  Everyone is tense and on edge.  Everyone is on the defense thinking that somehow by a status or comment suddenly the entire world will wake up and smell the roses.  Some people honestly have good intentions. Some people obviously do not.

Christians! Wake up! Do you remember what the Savior, whom you claim to serve, was doing on your behalf and on behalf of so many of the people you are fighting?  Do you remember what this weekend is about?  What this weekend means for you? What is your status proving?  What is your anger showing?  Are your comments telling the truth about this weekend?  About Christ? Are you seeing this weekend as what it really means to you?  This weekend means everything!  This weekend is the culmination and great climax of everything that you believe in!  This weekend is about love.  

Your stance on this debate doesn't change anything.  Whatever is decided in the Supreme Court is not going to change the authority of God. No matter which side of the coin you fall on our job as Christians is to build relationships and to love and to show the Gospel (aka: this weekend)  No matter what is decided in courts our job is still the same.  Love. Invest in others.  Serve.  Minister.  This is not a last resort when our words and debates fail.  It is our first order of business.  Because of this weekend we have the strength and ability to do just that.  Because of what Christ was willing and preparing to do at this time you can lay down your picket signs, your status and your profile pictures.  Don't let Satan get his way this weekend of all weekends!  Focus on Christ.  Focus on his life and his death and resurrection.  

Matthew 26

Confessions of a Grumbler

It is hard to believe that I am writing this blog from my the couch in the home that my husband and I own.  I mean seriously? Who saw that coming?!  I have lived in Chattanooga for year and a half and this is my life?! It feels like I have been here way longer thinking about everything that has been fit into my life in the last 18 months.

In the months since I last posted...yes months! I feel terrible about that by the way! We have been doing a lot.  First off we had to move.  Packing and packing and more packing.  My husband was a great help and encouragement throughout the process. Especially when I would be the most frustrated with moving.  Because let's be honest moving 8 times in 4 years can get a little old.  So while I should have been thankful for God's faithful provision I have to admit I was considerably less thankful and great bit more grumbly.  It wasn't in my plans.  It wasn't on my agenda.  My husband and I had it settled.  We had our idea of what the next year or so would look like.  We had worked together on and it made sense. It seemed wise.  I feel like a broken record, always having my apple cart upset and not being able to handle it.  I get so attached to my  own plan.  Even when God shows me time and time again that his plan is better.  His plan is simpler.  He is trustworthy.  My old heart still fights.  Thankfully I am the daughter of a patient and pursuing God who doesn't throw up his hands when I grumble.  He doesn't lash out when I whine one to many times. He loves. He teaches. He pursues.  This is the God that deserves my trust.  He proves himself time and time again and the extent of his faithfulness is not dependent on mine.  When people ask me why my faith matters, that is why.  How can I do any else.  And when I come to something that seems to big or to much.  My faithful God will show me just how much strength he has to get me through and bring me to the other side where I can praise him for what he continues to give me.  For the big things like moving to a completely different state or the small frustrations like being woken from a deep sleep by a puppy who just wants to make sure I am still there.  My life is so blessed I have nothing to complain about.  Pray that I remember that in the midst of my minor inconveniences.

More will be coming.  Lord willing I won't take this much time off again. I have a lot of things I want to write about so get ready y'all.  The Chatty Wife is back to her chatty self :)

TTFN

R

EWF seeking GOD: Deliver us from the evil one...

If you haven't noticed, it has been a while since I have posted.  And what I am about to write might seem strange to some of you who read this.  Quite frankly, the reason why I haven't written anything is because I have had absolutely nothing I have wanted to say.  Honestly, I have been hiding from my blog and my readers because I have felt like I couldn't be real with you anymore.  Ever since a few days after our engagement I have had this dark cloud hanging over me.  I didn't know what was wrong with me.  I was getting married!  Shouldn't I be happy?  Shouldn't I be on cloud 9?  Well, before I go any further let me say EMPHATICALLY that this is NOT a broken engagement announcement.  Far from it! 

Last night after my fiance left my apartment I began praying, as I have been for months now.  Father, what is wrong with me? Why am I so negative now? Why am I so insecure? Why am I so spiritually cold? You see since Mark proposed I have been having the hardest time finding joy.  There are moments in the beginning when I was able to basque in God's goodness and blessings as past posts can attest.  But as the wedding date drew closer I began feeling more and more distance between me and, well, everything.  I started reading my Bible more.  It got worse.  I started leading a high school girls Bible study. It got worse.  I started praying more.  It got worse.  I started reading spiritual books on marriage.  It got worse.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.  What could possibly be having this kind of effect on me?  Where was this darkness coming from?  It was clear there was nothing medically wrong.  I had just gotten a clean bill of health from my doctor.  And the fact that these feelings were not constant but really only came at very particular times and instances.  They came when I read my Bible; when I prepared my lesson for the high school girls, when I would listen to Christian music, etc.  So what would cause something like this?  And at such odd timing.  I never had a doubt that this is where God wants me and this is the direction He wants me to go and that this marriage is of Him.  Yet my engagement and my spiritual pursuits seemed to be in direct relation to what I was going through.   Mark and my entire relationship is based on a passionate desire for ministry.  We are great encouragement to each other in those pursuits.  We help each other and offer strengths and personal gifts to each other that are otherwise lacking.  We teach each things about God's character and about how He would have us minister and grow in our relationships with Him.  With all of that going for our relationship who could have a problem with it?  So last night as I was praying it struck me.  I was under attack.  Satan has been trying to sabatogue me since I agreed to marry Mark.  Satan has been picking at insecurities in my Father, in my fiance, in the gifts God has given me.  He knows where to attack because he makes it his personal mission to study those in opposition to him.  He has to if he is going to gain any ground in his futile struggle against my Father.  But that is the glorious thing about his struggle. It is FUTILE!  He has no power against the One who holds my future in His hands.  And Satan knows that! But he still fights ever harder.  He can't attack God directly, he can only try to manipulate His people.  Even then only so far as God allows.  Satan is on a leash!  And he is subject to the sovereignty of God.  This not only gives us hope for our own lives but also for every area of life.  Including the election and world news.  Psalm 37 says,

1 Fret not yourself because of evildoers;

be not envious of wrongdoers!

2 For they will soon fade like the grass

and wither like the green herb.

3 Trust in the Lord, and do good;

dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.[b]

4 Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in him, and he will act.

6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,

and your justice as the noonday.

7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;

fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,

over the man who carries out evil devices!

8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!

Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.

9 For the evildoers shall be cut off,

but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

10 In just a little while, the wicked will be no more;

though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.

11 But the meek shall inherit the land

and delight themselves in abundant peace.

12 The wicked plots against the righteous

and gnashes his teeth at him,

13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,

for he sees that his day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword and bend their bows

to bring down the poor and needy,

to slay those whose way is upright;

15 their sword shall enter their own heart,

and their bows shall be broken.

16 Better is the little that the righteous has

than the abundance of many wicked.

17 For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,

but the Lord upholds the righteous.

18 The Lord knows the days of the blameless,

and their heritage will remain forever;

19 they are not put to shame in evil times;

in the days of famine they have abundance.

20 But the wicked will perish;

the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures;

they vanish—like smoke they vanish away.

21 The wicked borrows but does not pay back,

but the righteous is generous and gives;

22 for those blessed by the Lord[c] shall inherit the land,

but those cursed by him shall be cut off.

23 The steps of a man are established by the Lord,

when he delights in his way;

24 though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,

for the Lord upholds his hand.

25 I have been young, and now am old,

yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken

or his children begging for bread.

26 He is ever lending generously,

and his children become a blessing.

27 Turn away from evil and do good;

so shall you dwell forever.

28 For the Lord loves justice;

he will not forsake his saints.

They are preserved forever,

but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.

29 The righteous shall inherit the land

and dwell upon it forever.

30 The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom,

and his tongue speaks justice.

31 The law of his God is in his heart;

his steps do not slip.

32 The wicked watches for the righteous

and seeks to put him to death.

33 The Lord will not abandon him to his power

or let him be condemned when he is brought to trial.

34 Wait for the Lord and keep his way,

and he will exalt you to inherit the land;

you will look on when the wicked are cut off.

35 I have seen a wicked, ruthless man,

spreading himself like a green laurel tree.[d]

36 But he passed away,[e] and behold, he was no more;

though I sought him, he could not be found.

37 Mark the blameless and behold the upright,

for there is a future for the man of peace.

38 But transgressors shall be altogether destroyed;

the future of the wicked shall be cut off.

39 The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;

he is their stronghold in the time of trouble.

40 The Lord helps them and delivers them;

he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,

because they take refuge in him.

How can the Psalmist say these things?  Because death has been overcome!  Because Satan has been defeated!  Christ went to the cross in our place to bring that about!  It is because of His sacrifice.  We are living in the fulfillment of the promise God gives Adam and Eve in the Garden after the fall, that Satan would bruise the heal of the Second Adam but that He would crush his head!  Romans 8 says,

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be[i] against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.[j] 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

So this is by no means a post of surrender.  This is a declaration of war.  Because I can guarantee this is just the beginning.  We are venturing into a veritable mine field in a battle for our marriage for the next 50+ years and we are determined to fight for it because God is for us!  So pray along with us now and throughout our marriage.  Pray for strength because it is not in and of ourselves and our own strength.  And God's strength is sufficient.  So pray for a constant surrendering of our lives to Christ and a dying to self that God may be glorified in this marriage.  And pray especially for me that "Strength and dignity would be [my] clothing" and that I would have joy and be able to "laugh at the time to come" (Proverbs 31:25).
God is at work! The Future Mrs. Miller

SWF seeking GOD: Queen Of My Own Castle

Do you know what tomorrow is?  Yes, your right it is Saturday.  Yes, it's New Year's Eve as well.  But there is one thing you are missing.  Tomorrow is the day that I move into my new apartment!  This is a big milestone for me.  This is the final piece of the puzzle which makes me a permanent resident of Chattanooga.  The last 3 months have been pretty wild.  God has been doing amazing things and this apartment is no different.  My wonderful mother actually was there with me when we looked at them and that was a fun experience to share with her.  Not only is the a completion to the puzzle, but this also will be the first time that I have had my own apartment and without roommates.  It is very exciting!

To any past roommates reading this, I loved having roommates when I had them!  There were a lot of laughing until we cried and crying until we laughed.  There were massage trains while watching The Bachelor and Castle.  There was crazy cooking experiences involving tinfoil and microwaves.   There were wacky adventures and lots of memories to be sure. (Yes, I know a lot of you are still stuck on the fact that I watch The Bachelor, it is so fun to mock!) It was interesting and sometimes fun coming home and never knowing who or what you would find.  But there was also those times when I certainly relished the breaks in school when my much loved roommates would head home and I could have the place to myself.  This is nothing against my roommate's of course, but I definitely look forward to having an apartment all to myself this time; to do with exactly as I please without having to consult anyone; to have no ones dishes to clean up but my own; to have no ones crumbs and coffee drips to wipe but those of my own making.  Yes, there are perks to having roommates, especially having someone to share the bills.  It is lots fun and you have a ton of laughs and you are never alone.  But sometimes it is nice to come home to a quiet place.  Or to invite anyone you want without having to worry about roommates needing peace to study or roommates already having people there.  Who knows I might end up going crazy without constant contact with people but you never know if you don't try right?

I think there is a part of all women that we are born with to be the queens of our own castles.  It's a piece of who God created us to be.  I think that is a beautiful part of being a woman.  Whether you end up sharing your castle with a king or not I believe that every woman should take pride in her domain.  Let's face it ladies, there is a reason why God made most women to be neater and tidier than most men.  (Mother, I can hear you laughing, and I do keep everywhere but my room clean on a regular basis and even the latter, I am getting better at.  Yes, Amanda that is an improvement.)  There is a role there I think and it's one to be reveled in and to be proud of.  And I must admit that when I clean my room after ignoring it for a while I always feel much better and as though I can breath deeper and relax more knowing that all is in order.  

 "She watches over the affairs of her household 

   and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31: 27

So for the next year, not as a resolution because I think that word is trite and meaningless anymore, but as a commitment to myself and to the Proverbs 31 woman I am seeking to become as I grow and mature, I will be working hard at keeping my house, that is my very own, organized and in order.  

TTFN!

REE

P.S.There will be pictures coming of the new apartment tomorrow :)

Confessions Of A Chatty Girl - Part 1: Job hunting

I have been horribly remiss about writing.  I was supposed to write 2 blog posts this week and unfortunately I was not thinking and decided to promise them the first week I started work.  Not one of my brightest moments.  Sorry about that everyone.  Now that the first week is over, I can finally take a breathe and figure out what the heck I am actually going to say and fill you all in on.  So first things first, to update you on my life and all the changes and amazing things that God has been working out and doing in my life.  This is the first part in a 3 part narrative so keep on the lookout for my other 2 posts.

I have a job everyone!  Yes, it is true!  After searching and looking, applying to countless jobs and plenty of interviews.  After a whole lot of almost's I finally got a job!  God literally tailor made and gift wrapped a fantastic job for me that, get this, I absolutely love!  In order for you to appreciate the beauty of God's plan let me go back a ways and fill you in.

So as you know I have been looking for months to find a job.  I got pretty close to getting several or at least so I thought but for some reason there was just nothing that ever panned out.  I have had people promise me the moon only for them to change their minds last minute.  I have had what look like great opportunities that look like the perfect fit dissolve right before my eyes.  Anyone who has ever job hunted knows what I am talking about.  My story is not much different from the norm.  It was so frustrating.  I couldn't understand why God was refusing me these jobs that seemed to be so great!  It just didn't make sense.  But I knew deep down that I had to keep trusting even though I had no clue what he was doing or why he was doing it.  A lot of times I would just get down right mad at God that he wasn't doing what I wanted him to do.  It just wasn't fair!

Before I ever came down to Chattanooga I had sort of set a schedule for myself that if I didn't get a job in 3 weeks that I was going to head back to VA and give my friends housing me a break from my free loading.  This didn't seem hard because there was a job that I had already had 2 interviews with that had both gone really well.  I was sure I had it in the bag.  The hiring manager had told me that I would be hearing from her that week so I get down to Tennessee and settle in to wait for the call.  A few days go by and I hear nothing.  I get a little concerned but the week is not over yet so I calm myself and trust God that he will work it out and they will call if I am going to get the job.  Finally Friday afternoon rolls around and I have yet to hear anything from the hiring manager.  At this point I am tired of waiting and decide to force their hand and make them tell me one way or the other.  I call.  "Oh hey! Yeah sorry I never called you. We have been really busy. We actually hired someone else.  Thanks for applying though and good luck!"  That did not go the way I had expected.  But in my head I had peace still because a) the excitement for that job had been fading in my mind and b) I knew that that job apparently wasn't the job God had for me.  It was a set back and frustrating for sure but I wasn't that disappointed overall so it was back to the salt mines again.  I began getting on job search engines again every day trying to find anything and everything I could lay my mouse on.   I began feeling my 3 week clock ticking and I began to get nervous.  I found 2 jobs online that looked interesting.  Both were immediate positions at 2 different furniture stores.  The first one I had never heard of but the ad looked promising so I applied.  The second I recognized but the ad wasn't as impressive but I applied anyway.  Just 2 days later I got a call from the first furniture store.  They wanted an interview!  I was so excited!  We scheduled the interview for later that day and I rushed about getting into my professional costume.  It took me forever to find the place (I am not a fan of Google maps).  I ended up having to stop and ask for directions.  When I finally found it I was over 30 minutes late.  The store which was really more of a warehouse was back in the back of a sketchy looking cul-de-sac and the entrance was literally a loading dock with a ramp up to it.  Not impressive to say the least.  The guy who was supposed to interview me wasn't even there.  He had just walked away and no one seemed to know where he was.  So some other guy came out and he didn't even realize I was late.  So I counted that as a blessing and answer to prayer that they didn't discount me and still interviewed me but I was not impressed with their lack of professionalism.  I went through the interview and by the end of it I was hired.  I just needed to pass the background check and I could start.  I was excited that I had a job and that it meant I could stay in Chattanooga but I was leery of how it would be working at a furniture warehouse in a rather sketchy part of town with all men in their 30s.  But I was thankful for the job and I had to trust God that he would provide and protect.

I decided to keep my options open.  The warehouse job would be my fall back really.  I didn't want to put all of my eggs in one basket either.  Judging from the kind of business they ran who knew if they would even remember they had hired someone in a week.  So while I waited for the background check to clear I kept looking.

I went over to the other furniture store that I had applied to to see if I could convince them to give me an interview even if they hadn't contacted me back yet.  I walked in and walked back in about 10 minutes with an interview set for the next day.  I was excited and hopeful.  The next day came and I had my interview.  I sit down with the hiring manager and the interview begins amiably.  He seems impressed with me and is speaking very positively.  He then gets to the part about work schedules.  Weekends are mandatory.  Now something you might not know about me is that when it comes to working on Sunday I am very adamant.  I will not do it.  If I was a police officer, or fireman, or EMT or nurse/doctor or something that would be different.  But my personal conviction is that God set Sunday aside as his day.  Not just the morning when church is in session but the whole day.  So as soon as the manager informed me that Saturdays and Sundays were mandatory I knew the interview was pretty much over unless I could convince him otherwise.  I couldn't.  He legitimately looked disappointed for me and genuinely seemed like he wished he could change the rules.  I told him not to worry this was not the first time it had happened to so it was fine and he wished me luck.  I was positive as I left but I was pretty disappointed as I drove away.  I even wondered if I should turn around and compromise my convictions and accept the job.  But I knew I couldn't.  God had been directing me this whole way and I couldn't just disregard that and throw it all away.  So I had to turn it over to God and pray that he would work it out.  I still had a job. It may not have been a dream job but it was a paying job.  God would provide and protect.

To be continued . . .