Lesson #3 - You Are Not His Mother

Women have a natural tendency to nurture and that is all well and good. I believe 100% that is a God given gift that women can do in a way that men just really can't.  This is a fantastic thing when it comes to children. Husbands, however, tend to get lumped into the category of "things that need raising" rather easily.  We forget they have already been raised.  Sure it was different than you were raised but he obviously turned out well enough for you to marry him didn't he? Whether it is the amount of vegetables he eat, the way he does the laundry, how he does dishes, or how he completes "Honey Do" lists around the house, understand that you do things differently and that does not automatically mean that he is wrong and you are right.  Remember that first lesson?  The main theme that kept coming up over my first year of marriage was I was fussing and worrying over him like I was his mother not his wife.  I would fuss at him if he didn't eat the vegetables I made him.  I fussed at him over little things and sometimes bigger things.  I remember one instance when I fussed at him because he decided to climb a ladder when I wasn't home. My husband was in the middle of painting the outside of our house.  He was working very diligently and was a trooper about the long, arduous, and unfortunately solitary process.Our days off very rarely coincide so the idea of me being home while he was climbing on a very tall ladder to paint trim was a virtual impossibility.  I fussed though.  "If you fall off you are going to get hurt or die and I won't be here to help you. You need to just wait until I can be there to make sure you are safe." Can anyone say, "Yes, mother"?  Now, I had good motive behind my "edict".  I care very much for my husbands health and safety and we had just heard that week of a man falling off of a ladder while no one was home and being very badly injured so I was already on edge.  But my concern and love for him manifested itself all wrong. My husband patiently explained to me the impracticality of my idea and while he applauded my effort at safety it really was not going to help get the house painted in a timely fashion.  As I was driving home from work the day my husband was painting the house I called my mother.  I thought for sure being the practical woman she was she would understand where I was coming from.  After I explained the situation the first thing I heard on the other end of the phone was laughter. Naturally I was taken aback and then I heard her chuckle out these words, "Well, you aren't his mother, Rachel. You are his wife."  I said, "But Mom doesn't it worry you when Dad does stuff like that when you aren't home?" She said, "Well of course it does! But he is an grown man and his life isn't my responsibility anyway. God keeps him alive not me." I said, "Then what do you do in those situations?" She said, "I tell him I love him and I go to work and about my day, praying for him the whole time and am very thankful and relieved that he is in one piece when I return."  It finally clicked for me.  I had gotten it into my head that as his wife I was, somehow, responsible for keeping my husband alive and well.  Somehow, his life was in my hands and I had totally disregarded or forgotten the fact that he is a mature adult who had been climbing on ladders, up trees, on roofs, using power tools and doing all manner of "risky" things for the last 31 years without my guidance, advice or supervision and amazingly enough he had survived! Imagine that!  My concern and mothering was a result of a lack of faith.  I wasn't trusting my husband was smart enough to be careful but most of all I wasn't trusting God with my husband.  In that small silly little moment of clarity I realized that he is not my responsibility.  He is my friend, my husband, my brother in Christ but he is first and foremost God's child not mine and as such he is in far better hands with Him than he is in my own.  

So yes, ladies, we worry.  Sometimes we mother.  A lot of times it has good intentions like being safe and staying healthy.  But ladies remember we married grown men.  Give them the respect and honor they deserve as your husband rather than belittling them as little boys.  By all means, make suggestions and offer potential alternatives but remember that just because you do things differently doesn't make it bad and you aren't his mother.  You are his wife.  So love him, pray for him, have his back, but stop trying to do God's job.  

God's Grace Abounds

I can't believe I have been so lax in writing.  Life is very busy so maybe I don't have that hard of a time believing it but still I keep thinking I need to post and then just never getting inspired to actually write anything down.  So what has been happening in the Miller household these days? Well let's see here.  The renovation side of life has slowed down as we had to buy a new washer and dryer, fix a car, and spay a puppy.  But honestly that is one of the most wonderful things about owning your own home.  You can go at your own pace and as you can afford it.  Mark and I both have absolutely loved being able to get projects done as we get inspired.  There is no permission to ask. There is no landlord to warn.  There is no parent to ask!  We find ourselves spending most of our down time researching home improvement projects and watching HGTV and DIY network.  Thankfully we both love these channels! 

I have loved getting my sewing machine out and getting it broken in.  I have made curtains for our dining room so far.  I have plans for curtains in the guest rooms and our bedroom, the kitchen and laundry room as well.  But as I said as I find fabric that inspires I can make those.  It is slowly coming together and I really love how it is turning out.  It is great working on this project together.  

I am watching tomatoes come in.  We have about 20 actual tomatoes currently with about 12 more blooms waiting.  It is so exciting see actual fruit!  I can't wait to make fresh salsa and marinara this summer.  I can't wait to share them with anyone who wants them and I am so happy that I literally will have more tomatoes that I will ever know what to do with in order to do just that.

Work has been crazy as we let two employees in my department go.  It has been a relief having them gone as it made for a frustrating and uncomfortable work environment for everyone but with that comes many stresses and many challenges to keep up with the work load.  It has been exciting to see that I am a much harder worker than I ever thought I was.  And it is still a lot of fun and it is interesting learning about the business side of playgrounds.  I enjoy being challenged and I have great supervisors who are very encouraging and patient to answer my endless questions.  It is an enjoyable work environment and once we fill those open positions it will get a lot better.

I am so very thankful for awesome girlfriends that get together on Tuesday nights to have a book study.  It has been so wonderful, edifying, encouraging, and fun to get together with these dear women to learn more about God how to serve him better!  They challenge me and pray with and for me and they really are such a blessing and such a wonderful gift from God of deep community.

My Wednesday nights have freed up for the summer.  I have to say I miss my high school girls.  I still keep in touch with them and see them at church but its not quite the same as getting to pour into them weekly.  They taught me so much over the last school year and challenged me in many ways.  It was wonderful hearing their perspectives and it was so encouraging to hear such precious hearts explore God some in a deeper sense and some for the first time.  It was amazing seeing God at work in their lives.  

Mark is doing well.  We actually have some exciting ministry opportunities ahead of us.  Details will be coming as the processes continues. But I would ask you to be praying for patience and wisdom.  Also pray that we would be open to God's leading.  That we would be willing to be his vessels of service whether his plan leads us down expected paths or down completely unexpected paths.  We are very excited for the opportunities God brings to us.  And I wouldn't rather go through these adventure with anyone else! 

Betty Lou, the newest member of our family, is doing well.  She has settled in very well and is thankfully growing out of her "puppy-ness".  Meaning she doesn't destroy everything and 95% of the time she goes outside when she has to use the bathroom. She had her procedure done yesterday and she is healing well. She has been warned though that if she doesn't stop licking her sutures she will get the cone of shame. A part of me is hoping she doesn't stop because of the vast photo opportunities that would be afforded me.  

Well I think that is everything for right now. I want to get back to more spiritually minded posts again. Soon that will happen I am sure.  So hang in there! 

TTFN

Rachel

Home ownership continues!

We have been busy little bees and I think we are getting settled into a routine.  We are completely unpacked except for that one closet that will probably be in every house we live in for the rest of our lives.  You know that closet.  I am sure you have one or two.  It is full of that stuff that you really should have gone through before you moved and pitched most if not everything in there.  At the time of the move, however, you found yourself completely lacking in energy or motivation and so you just threw it in the nearest box and called it a day vowing to go through it as soon as you got everything else unpacked.  Yeah...best intentions.

So far we have:

1. Painted the living room.

2. Painted the dining room.

3. Plainted the hallway.

(thanks to my awesome father-in-law who happily came down and helped us blitz the house before we moved in)

4. Ripped up the carpet in those rooms.

5. Laid down new thresholds for the bed rooms.

6. Ripped off the wood paneling in the 3rd bedroom.

7. Re-patched a poor patch job in the living room floor left by an old floor vent.

8. Hung curtains in the living room and temporary ones in the dining room (will be making new ones for the dining room)

9. Started painting the master bedroom

10. Converted master bathroom tub into a shower...sorta? Funny story to come on that.

11. Skim coated the nail holes and the seam lines in the 3rd bedroom (prepping for painting)

12. We ripped out the front landscaping.

13. We replaced old shrubberies with knock-out roses and azaleas

14. Replaced the mailbox with a new black and white cedar mailbox.

15. Planted some purple and orange flowers (I have no clue on the names...I'm such a green thumb, I know)

16. We mulched the beds in the front. 

17. Tilled up garden beds and planted tomatoes and peppers.

18. Trimmed back trees and shrubs in the back yard.

19. Planted poppies in the side yard.

20. Added chair rail to the dining room.

21. Changed out some of the face plates of outlets. 

Shew! The "To Do" list is getting shorter! It is pretty exciting though and Mark and I both absolutely love keeping house and making everything ours.  It is tiring, but it is a good kind of tired that is really satisfying when we lay our heads down at night.

So funny story about that shower I was talking about.  We had just added the shower head in our master bathroom. It was still a work in progress so we had removed the handle on the faucet (planning on updating the fixtures) but it worked.   I was taking a nice hot shower. I reached my hand towards the spigot to turn off the water and my hand got this weird numbing, tingling sensation and it kind of ached.  I pulled my hand back and paused trying to figure out what was going on.  I reached out again and the pain increased.  I jump out of the shower as it registered that I was feeling an electrical current coming out of the spigot! So after some charged tests we realized that there was a ground wire that was charging the metal in the shower and oddly enough the toilet as well! No wonder Mark and I had been shocking each other and the dogs every time we touched! What the crap?! So needless to say we are very very thankful that we have a second bathroom because in my estimation that shower is OUT OF COMMISSION!  My brave husband still uses it but I refuse! I look forward to the day when we get it fixed though.  

Here are some pictures of the progress we have made so far : ) ENJOY!  We sure do!

Master Bedroom with color

lots of piles of brush

Exterior before

Exterior after

Guest room

Living room view 1

Living room view 2

Living room view 3

This week has slowed down some so I am going to try to post again before the week is out to talk a little more on the spiritual side of my life and some of the amazing opportunities and real treats God has brought to me.  But for now,

TTFN!

REM

 

Confessions of a Grumbler

It is hard to believe that I am writing this blog from my the couch in the home that my husband and I own.  I mean seriously? Who saw that coming?!  I have lived in Chattanooga for year and a half and this is my life?! It feels like I have been here way longer thinking about everything that has been fit into my life in the last 18 months.

In the months since I last posted...yes months! I feel terrible about that by the way! We have been doing a lot.  First off we had to move.  Packing and packing and more packing.  My husband was a great help and encouragement throughout the process. Especially when I would be the most frustrated with moving.  Because let's be honest moving 8 times in 4 years can get a little old.  So while I should have been thankful for God's faithful provision I have to admit I was considerably less thankful and great bit more grumbly.  It wasn't in my plans.  It wasn't on my agenda.  My husband and I had it settled.  We had our idea of what the next year or so would look like.  We had worked together on and it made sense. It seemed wise.  I feel like a broken record, always having my apple cart upset and not being able to handle it.  I get so attached to my  own plan.  Even when God shows me time and time again that his plan is better.  His plan is simpler.  He is trustworthy.  My old heart still fights.  Thankfully I am the daughter of a patient and pursuing God who doesn't throw up his hands when I grumble.  He doesn't lash out when I whine one to many times. He loves. He teaches. He pursues.  This is the God that deserves my trust.  He proves himself time and time again and the extent of his faithfulness is not dependent on mine.  When people ask me why my faith matters, that is why.  How can I do any else.  And when I come to something that seems to big or to much.  My faithful God will show me just how much strength he has to get me through and bring me to the other side where I can praise him for what he continues to give me.  For the big things like moving to a completely different state or the small frustrations like being woken from a deep sleep by a puppy who just wants to make sure I am still there.  My life is so blessed I have nothing to complain about.  Pray that I remember that in the midst of my minor inconveniences.

More will be coming.  Lord willing I won't take this much time off again. I have a lot of things I want to write about so get ready y'all.  The Chatty Wife is back to her chatty self :)

TTFN

R