Lessons From The First Year...and 17 days...

Everyone says that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Part of me wonders if tales of the first year of marriage are much like a good fishing story. Every time you tell the story the fish gains another foot.   Having no other years of marriage to compare it to I guess I would have to agree.  There hasn't been any breaking things.  There haven't been a bunch of slamming doors.  We haven't had to many screaming matches.  We haven't contemplated divorce or murder either.  There has been fighting. There have been tears.  There has been long moments of tense silence. There have been raised voices and huffing and puffing.  Mostly from me. I can only compare my last year of marriage to my many years of singleness.  My single years were much much easier. I could be selfish and totally independent and marriage kind of takes a bulldozer to that lifestyle.  I am not my own person.  I belong to someone.  I am do not have my own schedule.  I have someone to share my time with.  I can't just go off on adventures by myself. I have company for all of my adventures. At times that can be annoying but it is nice having a buddy system most of the time.  The last year has been a concentrated study in what it means to die to self that I never really understood when I was single. It has been realizing that when we fight and have tense moments it is because we are trying to build our own kingdoms.  We are not working together to build God's kingdom. So over this year I have learned more than a few lessons.  I am sure I will continue to relearn them and learn new ones with every year. Here is the first of several lessons I am learning the hard way.

1. It is not a sin to do things differently. 

Whether it is the dishes, the cooking, the sleeping, the toothpaste squeezing, the breathing, etc. You are and your spouse will do things differently.  Think about it. If siblings who grow up under the same parenting and lifestyle can come out polar opposites so can two people who's paths most likely didn't cross until a few years ago.  It is important to remember this is not a sin that must be apologized for.  Your spouse can squeeze the toothpaste from the middle if he wants.  He can choose to soak dishes for 3 days before washing them. Actually that's just gross. Never ever let your spouse do that.  Disgusting! But it's ok that he folds towels differently.  It's ok that when he drives he brakes a little later than you would like.  And no matter how hard you stomp that break peddle will never be on the passenger side.  It's ok that his dirty socks never quite make it to the hamper the first time.  It's ok that he isn't very good at putting left overs into proper food saving containers.  He got them in the fridge at least didn't he? You don't have to nag him or berate him for all these little imperfections that seem on some days to be a very purposeful affront to your idea of bliss because really all they are is how he does things differently.  He is not trying to annoy you. He is just doing things the best way he thinks they should be done and really that is exactly what you are doing too.  It is not something to apologize for.  You were raised different.  You have different personalities and strengths.  It is something to love in your spouse because it is a joy and gift to see how God created two people so very different yet decided that He wanted them together because it would bring about His will and serve His purpose for His glory.  So don't worry about the towels, or the toothpaste, or whatever that thing is that he does that makes you want to pull out your hair sometimes.  He is not sinning.  He is being himself, the himself that you fell in love with, remember?