~ * ~
I have been going with Parker to help with a small group that we started at Sweet Briar College. We are going through the book A Praying Life by Paul Miller. This book is amazing! It is so very convicting. It has really showed me what a horrible prayer life I have. I mean I always knew that prayer was not really my forte but each reading of this book exposes a new darkness and cynicism I have carefully constructed over the last several years.
I always thought I was cynical but I never really saw the problem with that or how it was such a detriment to my relationship with God. Our culture encourages cynicism because that means you are not taken in by anything. You are not a gullible and ditsy person who believes everything you see, hear and read. You are smarter than that! Paul Miller quotes C. S. Lewis in the book in reference to cynicism. He says,
You cannot go on ‘seeing through’ things forever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it. It is good that the window should be transparent, because the street or garden beyond it is opaque. How if you saw through the garden too? It is no use trying to ‘see through’ first principles. If you see through everything, then everything is transparent. But a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To ‘see through’ all things is the same as not to see. (Abolition of Man, 91)
This quote was really eye opening for me. I spend my entire life trying to find reasons to not trust people and to not trust situations and scenarios. I am constantly "seeing through everything" and I have found like Lewis says "to 'see through' all things is the same as not to see." While I see the danger of cynicism I still am terrified to let go of it. I am obsessed with self-preservation, which is not surprising because that's pretty much an obsession of all humans in different levels of severity. No one wants to be hurt. Cynicism is a defense mechanism but when you cling to that as your protection and don't cling to Christ then you end up bitter, distrusting, and alone.
This is especially seen in my prayer life because I don't really believe that God really cares. I feel like a nuisance. I see God as a distant entity that really doesn't care what happens to me or what things go wrong or right. I am obsolete to Him in my mind. I can't trust Him because He is not safe. I very much empathize with Lucy in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, when she is speaking to Mr. Beaver about Aslan.
 |
| 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. |
"'If there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking,
they're either braver than me or else just silly.'
'Then he isn't safe?' asked Lucy.
'Safe?' said Mr. Beaver. 'Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe?
'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'"
I have built of so many walls to protect myself that I have even tried to wall God out. This book is slowly starting to show me the sin that is deeply rooted in that construction and the dangerous misconception of who my God is.
God does care! It does matter to Him. I matter to Him! If I continue to see through everything I will even attempt to see through God. I can't do that or I will have nothing left. I need to see Christ through everything! I must rely on the Trinity to teach me and support me and guide me. God isn't safe but He is good and He is King!
TTFN
Rach
No comments:
Post a Comment