I recently made a very conscious decision to read the Bible in a year. I found a schedule that I liked and started the first day with vigor and determination! I was going to do this. It was going to be fantastic! Yeah it was going to be tough once I got to like Deuteronomy and Leviticus but it would be fine! Well I began with all the best intentions that first day. And that day proved to be better because of reading. And then the next day came. I was busy. I had other things on my mind. I had laundry to do. I didn't feel like reading right then so it could wait until later that evening when I might feel more inclined. And that day turned into 2 days which turned into 3 and so on. And that is how the pattern of my Scripture reading life goes.
Something that was driven home early on for me in RUF was that God loves us just as much on the days that we don't read our Bible as the days we do. This is true but I have to admit that I definitely used that as an excuse on more than one occasion. Trust me, I know I am a horrible Christian (but then again so is everyone else, it's only through Christ we have any victory or merit). I justified my slacking quite easily. I knew I should and needed to do it. Shoot part of me even WANTED to do it (on good days). I knew there was something missing in my walk from not being in the Word on a regular basis. I knew there was knowledge I was lacking but gosh darn it for the life of me I couldn't get my lazy butt off that couch and grab my Bible sitting a few feet away, sometimes even within arm’s reach! What is wrong with me? Can I suggest that nothing is wrong with me? At least nothing more than is always wrong with me being the sinner that I am. I am selfish. I am self-absorbed. I am lazy. I am overly preoccupied with so many other "cool" and "exciting" things that the thought of reading my Bible is a complete drag to me. Now, before you go writing me off and say well how can this woman even call herself a Christian? This is how,
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through ourLord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
Romans 5:1-11
I have no legs to stand on when I am trying to comfort myself in my own good deeds or my own righteousness. I have nothing to offer or bring to the table. For heaven's sake I can’t even read my Bible on a daily basis! That only highlights my dire need of my loving and patient Father; the prodding and strength of the Holy Spirit; and the prayers on my behalf from the Son. All of my life is to be a neon sign to Christ, thankfully even through my failures because God knows those outweigh the victories. And it should be a sign not only to others but also to myself as a reminder of the greatness of my God and how he works even through the ugliness of my sins to show that I am far worse than I ever could imagine but He is far more loving than I could have ever dreamed.
And can I please tell you that every time I have picked up that Bible and read from whatever passage I either happen to land on or feel like reading, I never walk away empty handed. In some way, even if I am not aware of it at the time, grace has been showered on me in that reading. I remember what I have been missing. I gained knowledge that I had been lacking. I was fed. Now, I don't have that insatiable hunger that some people talk about, maybe that will never be one of my gifts. I envy people who have that and pray that maybe someday that will be my story. But for now and maybe forever that's ok because ultimately it is not about me and what I have and can do or how much I love to read my Bible. It's about Christ and how he manifests himself in my life and the means He graciously gives us to grow. So I will fight, by the grace of God, the demons inside me telling me I don't have time, I have laundry to do, I don't feel like it, I can do it later, and even God loves me no matter what, in order to grow in the knowledge and understanding that is necessary for continued sanctification of my heart and mortification of my sins.
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