Latest Outing for the RUFians

In other news...my RUF family and I went hiking up on Sharp Top mountain which is a gorgeous hiking spot up in the Blue Ridge Mountains about 30 minutes from school.

Pictures courtesy of Mary Engel

Yeah VA is gorgeous!

A Little Behind

So I know I said I would keep you updated on Summer RUF study but I have let a few weeks slip by. Sorry about that. Chapter 3 which is on Idolatry really threw me for a loop spiritually and it has taken this long to process and get comfortable with honesty on the subject in my own life. I'm going to try and kill two birds with one stone if I can and cover the last 2 chapters that we have done since my last post. So here it goes...

Idolatry -

So what can I say other then wow am I a sinner. You know a lot of times I get into a personal high where I feel like I am doing pretty good with this whole Christian thing. And then there are sermons or passages in scripture or RUF lessons that show me just how horribly clueless I am about the sins that are clutching so tightly to my heart. Idolatry is just one of many I can assure you but for the sake of time and to avoid rabbit trails we will stick with this one.

Tim Keller brought up an interesting point. When you are alone in your room or car or anywhere and you have no other real distractions what is it that your mind automatically goes too? What is your favorite subject to dwell on, talk about, and worry over? He said that the way to find out what is taking the place of God is to picture your worst nightmare. Is your worst nightmare being rejected by people? Is it having your life not go as planned? For me it's being alone. I know sounds depressing huh? Well its true. When I am by myself and thinking my mind automatically runs to my favorite subject who, when, and will i marry? What I want more then anything in the world is to be a wife and mother like that of Proverbs 31. I want to be a good helper to my husband and I want my children to have the best God honoring mother they can have. And those are NOT bad things to want! This is where it gets dicey. It is good to want those things. We are created to want to be with someone. God said it is not good for man to be alone so he made a helper suitable for him. The problem comes in when you are more focused on that then God's provision, mercy, love, righteousness, and holiness. Even though these are good things to want they cannot take the place of God. God is a jealous God. You shall have no other gods before Him.

Community -

Last year Summer RUF did an entire study just on this one subject. It was a very eye opening and humbling study and last Thursday was no different. It was wonderful having a refresher on the subject. For the most part I believe that community, especially after the study last summer and the many talks from Marc and Amy, is something that we are actually starting to get the hang of in RUF and I feel like a little bit of that is spilling over into other areas of life. One thing though that God is working very directly with me on is learning how to get over myself and my preferences to be welcoming and loving towards people who are outside of my comfort zone for whatever reason. As a future intern I can see why God is working on my heart so feverishly now. I have such a long way to go still, but God is moving and I pray with the help of the Holy Spirit that I can get this down.

Something that He reminded me of during RUF was that if God listens to our complaints and our skewed views of the way we think things should go, if He draws us to Himself despite our personalities, despite our annoyances, despite His comfort zone, how much more should we welcome others into our lives and hearts? God not only deals with us but He calls to us and WANTS us to come to Him and rely on Him no matter how ridiculous or annoying we get. God doesn't get annoyed at us, He doesn't roll His eyes when we come to Him for the millionth time asking forgiveness for the same sin or just down right complaining that life isn't fair. Wow! If the Creator of the universe desires me in spite of myself that much then I should be more then willing to do the same for people who are no worse then me. It shouldn't be hard for me to listen, encourage, forgive, love, and pray with and for someone when the Triune God does all those things for me perfectly in a way that can never be measured or duplicated.

As I have gone through the last several days God has gradually been showing me areas in which idolatry and lack of a desire for community has crept into my life. I am so thankful that God does not leave me to myself. He does not leave me to wallow in my sin. He does not listen to me when I cry out against Him. He draws me in and shows me my great need for Him. I am His daughter and nothing will change that. No one will pluck me from His hand not even me. Thank you God!

3 Ways to Live

So last night at RUF we continued in Tim Keller's book Gospel in Life and the second chapter is entitled "Heart: 3 Ways to Live." It was all about our motivations for living the way that we do. These three ways are A) religious: doing good works to receive personal praise or recognition to prove our worth to God, out of fear of what God will do to us if we don't do good things or because we feel like God will owe us something if we do good things. B) Irreligious: either not doing good things at all or simply out of common courtesy, to make ourselves look good in man's eyes. C) the Gospel: doing good things because of a desire to serve God out of gratitude to a loving Father and Savior.

We had two different examples from the Bible. One was the Pharisee and the tax collector who were praying in the synagogue. We looked at it and kind of dissected the passage in Luke 18:9-14. There is so much beauty in the details of this passage that is so easy to skim over. As I began reading that passage I couldn't help but think, well is it wrong to be thankful that God's grace saved me from being cruel, judgmental, unforgiving, unloving, and countless other adjectives that I would for the sake of time prefer not to list? I read the Pharisee's prayer and after much discussion with the group I realized there was a huge piece missing. In verses 11 and 12 he says "God I thank you that I am not like other men." He goes on and lists his qualities but never once does he acknowledge that he has any sin within him or anything to repent of. He has got it all together. He tithes and he fasts and that is what makes him good. He makes it as if God made a him a perfect creature not as a broken sinner in need of grace.

Then there is the stark contrast of the tax collector. For some reason I had this miss conception growing up that the tax collector must have just become a Christian and we are privy to his conversion that is why his prayer is "Have mercy on me the sinner." But now I realize that's not the case. The tax collector simply has a true understanding of what he is and what he needs most. You notice that he is not praying "Dear Lord, my wife has been driving me nuts, so give me patience. Oh and Johnny has been having trouble at school with bullies so please be with him. And my boss has really been riding me this week so just help with the stress." No his first and only priority is "God have mercy on me the sinner." He knows who he is talking too. He is not talking to some powerfully genie in the sky or Santa Claus. No he is talking to the supreme and ultimate Being. The Judge of the world. The One who has the right to turn away from him in disgust. "God have mercy on me the sinner." God shows us mercy by just hearing us. Let alone forgiving us through his Son. Whoa!

The second Biblical example was that of the Prodigal Son. This held a lot of new concepts that I never thought of before. Luke 15:11-32. The story is a beautiful one of redemption and love. I can many times relate to the younger brother. The younger brother who has the loving Father who comes out to meet me while I am still a long way off. The younger brother who has the perfect Older Brother who willingly gives up his rewards that he rightfully deserves so that I can be welcomed back to the family. But I also find that the older brother has some pretty compelling arguments for my sinful heart.

I often see other's getting things that I want. People who in my mind don't deserve it. People who waste everything my Father gives them yet in the end they get the fatted calf and the robes and ring. They get what I want! They get what I cry and plead for. They get what I deserve. They get MY reward for what? For doing such a good job? No for just showing up! Those people who have never done a thing for our Father get MY stuff. But stop right there. You can't do anything for your Father either, Rachel. You are just as much at your Father's mercy as your siblings. You might think you have done wonderful things for God. But your motives...What are your motives? The Gospel? Religion or Irreligion? 99.9% of the time it sure ain't the Gospel.

I need to be hooked up to the Gospel IV. I need to be infused with the Gospel so much that I cannot separate it from my core. I need it to be so intricately woven in to my DNA that I can't tell were the Gospel begins and I end. I need to be the Gospel. God take my heart and purge me of all vain works and selfish deeds. Rid me of the filth that is within me. And in its place put the Gospel. Have mercy on me the sinner.

Updates

So I haven't posted in a while so I thought i would give you an update on whats going on with everything.

I finished my Junior year at Liberty University and I am now officially a Senior!! Woot woot! I can hardly believe it. The last 3 years have flown by and I know this next year will be even faster. I am very excited to see what new experiences and relationships are built in this coming year. This is the year that I find out what campus I will be placed at for RUF. It seems so close and yet so far still. I am also looking forward to seeing what God does in my life. I have so long to go and I constantly remind myself just in my thoughts and actions that my sanctification is a long and arduous process. But I must admit I wouldn't have it any other way. God knows exactly how I learn and what I need to further my sanctification so I am very comfortable letting God have the reins. I know that feeling of comfort won't last haha! I have known myself for far to long but I know that even though the feeling doesn't last my God does.

I went to Paris as you know and it was amazing and interesting but not necessarily for the reasons you might think. It was fascinating being in a foreign country and seeing how the other side of the world lives. I loved getting out of my comfort zone and experiencing new things that I never thought I would. The architecture was amazing! It was surreal standing at the foot of the Eiffel Tower and seeing for miles and miles until the landscape disappeared from site at the very top. It was exciting wandering the streets and seeing the shops and people and monuments. Something that was very interesting although not shocking was the people were not the friendliest. A lot of times they were down right rude! But I was convicted about my attitude toward visitors to my school. Especially the infamous College For A Weekenders who visit my school twice a semester and wander around asking silly questions that are to me completely obvious. I was finally able to see the other side of things and I hope and pray that the next 4 CFAWs will be a little different for me and I will remember what it felt like in France.

Something else I discovered about myself was that I really enjoy eaves dropping! I never noticed it really before until I arrived in Paris and I couldn't understand a word people were saying! it was very frustrating being so out of the loop. I like being in the know and being up to speed on things and that was severely stunted in Paris. I have a lot of pictures on my facebook page and I posted a couple here if you don't have facebook. All in all I did enjoy myself but I was very happy to get back to the states and to my bed. I was very blessed to get to go on that trip and I am very thankful to God and my parents for providing the way for such an adventure.

When I returned from Paris I got to hear all about Summer Conference and I must confess I was quite jealous. And looking through the pictures I realized just how much I missed my RUF friends. I can't wait for next year when FINALLY, Lord willing, barring any natural disaster...like an oil spill...:\ I can go to Summer Conference!

Another joy of returned was the start of Summer RUF! It is so wonderful being back in the swing of summer. We are starting a book by Tim Keller called The Gospel in Life. We have only had one session but I have the feeling that this is going to be very convicting. It is all about immersing our lives in the Gospel and the great commission no matter where you are in life. Our topic last time was the city and how it was viewed hirtorically and Biblically as opposed to how it is viewed now. Historically a city was viewed as safe. A place for women and children. Now that is so far from what we would think. And the lesson was very well timed after just coming back from a city like Paris. I will keep you updated on the study. Writing this reminds me I have reading to do before our next meeting. Making a mental note now and writing it on my hand...I also need to go shopping for our RUF family meal. We are having an Italian themed dinner.

Well that is all for now. I have to get back to work.

TTFN!

Rach

Summer Conference...One day!

So I have had two years where Lynchburg RUF went to Summer Conference down in Panama City, FL. For those of you who don't know this is 4 days of great lessons from campus ministers around the country, hanging out with the other RUFs from other schools and states nationwide, and it's pretty much the most awesome thing in RUF...or so I have been told. I have never actually been able to go to Summer Conference. I wanted to go last year but unfortunately I was taking a residential summer class the same week so I was not able to attend. And this year ironically enough I am leaving for Paris tomorrow morning so my beloved RUFers lefts once again without me. I know sad day. I mean it is Paris but still I wish I could be in 2 places at once. I am extremely happy to be going to Paris. It is fulfilling a lifelong dream so I am not at all upset about that. I an certainly wasn't jealous of my dear RUFers having to leave Sunday morning at the mysterious time of 5:15 in the morning!! Shocking, I know. I didn't know there were two 5:15's a day either but that's what my friends tell me. But still it was a hard thing saying goodbye to them and knowing that they are going to be hearing and learning from awesome men and hanging out with awesome students.

Don't worry there is a but coming here :) BUT! Next year I am coming Summer Conference and for the next 2 years after that at least (Lord willing more). WOOHOO!

Paris will be amazing and I am so very very excited about this trip. It will be lovely weather (I checked 60s and 70s all week) and it will be amazing food and amazing sites! It will be such a blessing and an experience I will always remember! And next year when I won't be going to any exciting foreign country Summer Conference will make the kick off to my summer equally incredible!

I love all of you guys in Florida and I miss you! I hope you have the times of your lives and when you get back we can swap stories of our awesome first week of summer break 2010!

TTFN

Rach

Major Issues...

So as my junior year of college is winding to a close I find that it is very difficult to be patient. My major is interior design...but since I have RUF internship in my sights it is very hard to stay focused on my design classes. I want to be in RUF for as long as God will let me and I feel that I am called to do so. But right now my major has nothing to do with that calling, which is very frustrating. If I wasn't a rising senior I would change my major to ministry or counseling . . . something that would be helpful in at least the next 2 years in RUF, but no. My major is interior design and there is no point in switching majors because I would set myself so far behind. So I will continue sitting through seemingly useless interior design classes and making swatch board after design presentation.

The reason I choose my major was because I felt like that was the only major that I could get that I would actually be interested in and that I could actually survive. Until I was 15 I never thought college was even an option. I was home schooled all my life and I was never really able to grasp academics. It was a constant struggle for my mom and I to get through simple subjects. I can remember (and still struggle with) many times having to read the same paragraph over 20 times before my brain started to recognize the words. It literally felt like I was trying to read a foreign language or like I forgot how to read for a few minutes. It would take me hours to do the same work that my older brother could do in 30 minutes. Many days my mom and I both would end our math sessions in tears from frustration and for me feelings of stupidity because I couldn't understand a simple problem. After getting academic testing I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. To me that translated to "You are not stupid!" It was huge for me and such a relief. My mom asked the specialist if college was an option for me and he specialist gave me hope. Yes I could do college fine as long as I figured out how I learned and what I would have to do to succeed. School was never and is not easy. I have to work my butt off for ever grade I get. I am never going to get the grades or be on the honor role and dean's list like my brother. But I could do college.

Anyway where I was going with that was I wanted to pick something that was easy that could at remotely keep my attention. It held my attention for a few semesters and it was relatively easy for me but it never clicked for me. It was just something to get a degree in. I never felt "called" or that I had a genuine passion for my major. And among my other classmates I felt rather out of place. They were all excited about being the best interior designer they could be. They were excited to be picking out paint swatches for the rest of their lives. People would ask me if I liked my major and my answer was "Yeah I get to look at pictures all day." That was really the only perk I could think of. I started working with clients doing interior design work for the university and it frustrated me working with such picky and ungrateful people who had to have the exact shade of green and the exact vision that they wanted to the extent that it was really confusing as to why the hired me in the first place. This obviously didn't help my desire to design for the rest of my life. So the further I got in to my major the more lost and discontent I became.

Now that I have found RUF and something finally clicked in me and the passion for something was ignited I feel like I am wasting time listening to lectures about fabric and carpet samples. For some reason I am majoring in interior design. For some reason God wants me studying this. I have to admit I honestly have no clue why. I would love to know and maybe God will reveal that to me. Maybe He won't. I have to trust Him and get through my last year. And yes it will be frustrating and yes it will be boring. Yes I will feel like I am wasting my time. But God doesn't make mistakes. God will use this for some purpose whether I recognize that or not.

I have to trust Him . . . and there is the rub. That is where the rubber meets the road and the Lord reminds me how far I still have to go in my walk. That is where I see most clearly that the desire of my heart is my way and my timing. It is in those moments that God by His grace shows me my heart and what I need to work on and what He still loves me amazingly in spite of.

God is so good. God is at work. God will provide.

TTFN

Rach

Trust Issues

So in all of my research into RUF internship and coming from a military family, I have reached the realization that those two are very similar in one particular aspect. You can request where you want to be placed/stationed but in the end you get sent where you are needed and where you would best fit. And many times as in life your desires do not match your needs and God is always more then happy to show us this.

Something you should know about me is that I am a chronic hypothetical planner. I like to plan out my future to a T. I like to imagine what my "5 year plan" will turn out to be. I like to figure out where I will end up, who will be there with me and how they will come into my life. I like to solve all of the mysteries of my life way in advance so that I can be prepared. The funny thing about all of this is that I actually have no control whatsoever of my future. My planning really should focus on what I going to wear the next morning and what I am going to cook for dinner but those mundane plans are never enough for my roving imagination. I want to plan the big and grand! There wouldn't be so much wrong with that if I didn't get my heart set on MY plans. Thankfully God knows this tendency about me and lovingly knocks me up side the head saying "Hey! Stop trying to do my job. You suck at it." God is slowly and painstakingly teaching me to let go of my agenda and seek his. I am trying very hard not to get my heart set on any one school or even several different schools. It has been in my experience that it is better to focus only on God's will (whatever that might be) and let him take care of it. But still my sinful heart cries out for control. 1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety on him (God) for he cares for you." That has been sort of my mantra and life verse to myself but there is a disconnect. You see, my sinful and untrusting heart doesn't really believe that the God of the Universe who set everything into motion and who created the stars and planets, the skies and seas, the trees and animal, the atom and molecule, the God who holds all of these things in perfect balance really cares about my life. Yes I know in my head that he does and on good days I know in my heart as well. But on most days I just don't believe it. I don't believe that he knows exactly where I need to be; he knows the exact campus minister that will help me serve him better and that will teach me more about God then I knew existed; he knows what students I need and what students need me. He has all of this figured out already and today on this good day I know that wherever he sends me is going to be amazing. I know that even though it will undoubtedly start out lonely and difficult I will have to be torn away from my students and my campus minister. Yes today is a good day and I can trust him. But bad days are coming as they always do where I will begin to doubt and begin to plan again and it is with prayer and many loving and Godly people that I will get through those days and come out trusting my God once again.

TTFN

Rach