Being Real

Marc, Amy, and Parker have been so loving and welcoming and understanding to all of us through our struggles with life, sin, people, relationships, you name it. I have never felt judged by them or that I have shocked them. They are so understanding and encouraging. They are also very convicting. They don't even have to really say anything all they do is ask questions. That is more convicting then outright explanation. It really gets you to think and evaluate yourself. Something that I have learned through those evaluations and those loving "interrogations" is that we are all broken. We are all a mess. We all don't have everything together. RUF has taught me that it is okay to be real and to be honest. I don't always have to slap a happy face on things or pretend nothing is wrong. I can totally be myself. Because through Christ I am forgiven for my faults and flaws and sins. That being said I want to make sure that I am very honest and real in this blog. So I am just going to put it out there and confess that I am scared about internship. I know that this is what God wants me to do and that this is something that I really want to do but I am scared of not getting accepted. I am scared of being lonely. I am scared of not being accepted. I am scared of not having friends. I am scared of being a horrible intern. I am scared of not raising enough support. I am scared of having to ask for support. I am scared of where I could be sent. I am scared that it might be really far away from my family. I am scared that it might be at a huge school that will be really hard connected with. I am scared that my campus minister and his wife won't be like Marc and Amy. I am scared that the students won't be willing to meet with me and if they do they won't ever want to meet with me again because I said something stupid.

These and a million other fears are whirling around in my head. I know a lot of these are dumb. I know a lot of these things are natural. But I also know that I shouldn't be afraid. I SHOULD trust God. I should cast all my cares onto him. I should rest in the knowledge that this is what God and I both want for my life. Don't get me wrong I am SO excited to do this and I am not having any doubts that this is what I need and want to do but still I can't help the insecurities and fears. I would covet your prayers on this.

TTFN!

Rach